


Salvis Gratia

by scelestus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Manipulation, Family Issues, Love Triangles, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Unrequited Love, darker than the summary suggests, shit's gonna go down later and it won't be pretty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-01-24 12:52:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scelestus/pseuds/scelestus
Summary: "What is the one thing worth saving that you'd sacrifice your everything for?"Jongin is a new student transferring in who's captivated by the alluring Sehun, a rebellious troublemaker with a dark secret. Meanwhile, Baekhyun is a music student secretly in love with his childhood-friend-turned-stranger Chanyeol, who is now the most popular boy in the school.





	1. Venus Flytrap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this story will get quite dark later on and might be triggering. please proceed with caution.

✚

 

“I’m sure moving here from downtown will be a bit different than what you’re used to,” Jongin’s mother is saying as he watches the scenery passes him by through the car window. “But it shouldn’t be too bad. We’re not moving to the countryside, we’re moving to Santa Monica, a beach! Not bad, right, Jongin?”

“Sure, I guess…” Jongin’s not happy about leaving all his friends behind, but his father’s work got relocated, and he’s just in high school, so what right does he have to object to this?

At least it isn’t the countryside, like his mother had said. But throughout the entire road trip, as they weave closer and closer to their new house, all Jongin sees are legit fucking  _mansions_. Gigantic, grandiose ones with white fences all around, like something you’d see out of a movie.

Then again, it’s a known fact that rich people prefer to live close to the beaches, and Jongin’s parents are steadily becoming one, too.

Jongin is about to enter the high-society life. The wealthy life. The elite life.

But he’s not sure he wants it at all.

“Have you seen the photos of our new house, Jongin? It has white marble columns erected from floor to ceiling! And the ceiling is so high, oh gosh. Then there’s the backyard where I can plant roses, and―”

Jongin starts tuning his mother out halfway. He barely looked at the photos. He’ll see it once they arrive, anyway.

The GPS starts beeping and signaling they’re almost there. Jongin’s eyes slide disinterestedly over the gigantic houses he sees passing him one by one, when a figure walking down a driveway catches his attention.

It’s 2pm on a Saturday, and the drive had been relatively quiet as he passes the streets―probably because it’s the weekend and most people are out and about by now. So he’s surprised when he sees a lone figure walking down and heading towards the mailbox.

The car drives by the stranger’s house, and Jongin finds himself locking eyes with the person. It’s another boy around his age, in a hoodie and ripped jeans, hair dyed a bright platinum pink that falls messily over his eyes.

Eyes that are locked right onto  _Jongin_ ’s own, at this moment.

Time seems to slow as their gazes remain onto each other’s, even as the boy’s figure gets smaller and smaller as the car drives away.

Jongin is only broken out of his reverie when his mother exclaims, “We’re here!”

He jolts, snapping his head back to see his new house. It’s as big and grand as the other houses in this neighborhood, completed with black fences around a huge frontyard and driveway, and probably an equally huge backyard his mother had gushed about.

“What a drive, huh? Phew, I’m beat,” his father comments, getting out of the car with Jongin following suit.

The first thing he notices as he steps outside is the smell of fresh air, the breezy scent of the beach no doubt just a few minutes drive away from here.

The second thing he notices… is the boy.

Still standing by his mailbox, a few houses over.

The boy and Jongin are  _neighbors_.

The boy is still inexplicably keeping his gaze on Jongin’s, and the latter stares back, transfixed.

“Jongin? Help me with this luggage,” his mother’s voice once again breaks him out of his trance, and he nods towards her.

When he looks back, the mysterious boy is gone.

That doesn’t explain why his heart won’t stop pounding inside his ears, though.

 

✚

 

Jongin doesn’t see him again until night, when his motorcycle is delivered to him from their old garage. It’s literally his most treasured possession. He had gotten it as a birthday present as soon as he turned sixteen, and there hadn’t been a day gone by where he hadn’t ridden it.

Except today.

So he hops onto the motorcycle and reeves up the engine to test it out and feel the familiar rumblings of the vehicle underneath him again. Should he go for a ride around the neighborhood? He might get lost, though… And he’s tired from the roadtrip today, anyway.

So lost in his internal debate, Jongin doesn’t hear footsteps approaching before a voice chirps, “Wow, you ride a  _motorcycle_? How coooool~”

Jongin snaps his head up to look down the driveway to see the boy from the afternoon standing on the sidewalk, a plastic bag swinging idly in one hand and the other holding an ice cream cone.

At Jongin’s impassive face as they once again stare at each other, the boy grins at him. “You’re the family that just moved here, right? We’re neighbors!”

“I figured…” Jongin replies, watching the way the other is licking into his ice cream nonchalantly.

“So what’s your name, new neighbor? I’m Sehun, nice to meet you~”

“My name is Jongin. It’s nice to meet you too, Sehun.”

“Do you always look so gloom and doom like someone ran over your pet, or what? It doesn’t suit your handsome face, Jongin.”

“W―What?” Jongin stumbles, widening his eyes at the boy― _Sehun_.

Sehun only shrugs, an easy smile still planted firmly on his face. “I think we should be going to the same school. Hey, give me a ride to school sometime on that beast of yours, okay?” With one last bright smile, Sehun waves at him before skipping down the street, heading towards his own house, the plastic bag in his hand jingling the whole way.

Jongin stares after the boy’s back, at his t-shirt and shorts fluttering in the spring wind of California, and how his platinum pink hair looks almost silverish in the moonlight.

There was a smudge of chocolate at the corner of Sehun’s lips, tainting his almost translucent skin, and Jongin’s chest almost aches with want to reach out and brush the stain from his face, to nudge his thumb against those pink lips.

Jongin has never met anyone so magnetic as Sehun before, and his body trembles with the urge to reach out, to see if Sehun’s body is as warm as the smile he had given Jongin.

But he stays still, rooted on top of his motorcycle as Sehun’s figure gets smaller and smaller from his sight until it disappears.

 

✚

 

It’s Sunday morning. His last free morning before he enrolls into his new high school on Monday. Jongin had wanted to sleep in, but his mother had woken him up at an ungodly hour to help clean around their new house.

It’s when he’s boredly dusting a wall next to the stairs that the doorbell rings.

“Jongin, can you get it? My hands are dirty,” his mother calls out from the room over.

“My hands are dirty, too…” Jongin grumbles, but sets the brush down to jog to the entrance.

What he finds is an unfamiliar boy holding a tray of… pies when he opens the door.

“Hi there, I’m Baekhyun!” the boy greets with a cheery smile. “I live right next door to you! My mom heard we’d be getting new neighbors so she baked you a pie to eat as housewarming!”

“Oh my, that is so sweet!” his mother materializes out of nowhere behind Jongin, flabbergasting him. She takes the tray from the boy. “Baekhyun, is it? Thank you so much, dear!”

“No problem!”

“How old are you, Baekhyun? I think my son will be attending the same school as you are!”

Jongin gives him a friendly smile, holding his hand out. “Hi. I’m Jongin. I’ll be attending Santa Monica High School as a first year on Monday.”

The other takes his hand and shakes it. “Hello Jongin! Looks like I’m your hyung. I’m a second year.”

The handshake is enthusiastic, and Jongin inspects Baekhyun as they shake. The other, despite being one year older than Jongin, is shorter, with glasses perched on his nose that cannot hide his bright and lively eyes. Baekhyun gives off a comfortable vibe, and Jongin is glad he’s made a new friend already before school starts.

Baekhyun, bless his heart, offers to help Jongin out with the cleaning, and they spend their Sunday beefing up Jongin’s new house while chatting. It turns out they both have a great passion for video games, and they proceed to spend the rest of the afternoon after the chores to hole up in Jongin’s room to play.

“Hey Jongin,” Baekhyun calls out as they’re picking characters to duel it out on Smash.

“Hmn?”

“How you getting to school tomorrow?”

“I was gonna ride my motorcycle… That’s what I did at my old school.”

Baekhyun wrinkles his nose. “Damn, a motorcycle? I didn’t know you were a  _bad boy_.”

“I’m not! I just like the feeling I get when I’m riding on one. It feels… freeing.”

“Can’t say I relate… Anyway. It’s not a good idea on the first day. You’d have to find parking, and you have no permit pass yet.”

“Oh, true. I don’t want to ride the school bus though… Seems chaotic.”

“Tell me about it,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I’ll give you a ride tomorrow with my car.”

“Really? That’d be great! Thanks, Baekhyun.”

“Call me ‘hyung’ and I’ll give you a ride,” the other sticks his tongue out, making a reference to their common native Korean language.

Jongin laughs, throwing a pillow at him. “Okay, Baekhyun- _hyung_!”

“Good _dongsaeng_ ,” Baekhyun teases, grinning. “Now watch as I wipe the floor with you using Peach!”

“You wish! Try getting through my Pikachu first!”

 

✚

 

As promised, Baekhyun awaits outside Jongin’s house early next morning. Jongin finds out the older boy is a punctual person, and they arrive with time to spare, which is perfect as he has to report to the Counselor’s Office the first day.

“Office is up ahead. You good here?” Baekhyun asks after guiding him to the appropriate hallway.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem. I’m gonna head to class now―”

“Baekhyun! Did you  _finally_  make a new friend?” a new voice cries out, startling Jongin. He looks behind to see a boy approaching them, dimly noting how tall the other is. And how he’s in a basketball jersey instead of his school uniform.

“Fuck off, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun grumbles, scowling at the newcomer.

“But―You actually made a friend! Does this mean you’re leaving me? But why―we’re best buds!” the guy― _Chanyeol?_ ―clutches his chest dramatically, making Baekhyun scowls harder.

“No we’re  _not_! Now go back and play some more balls with your dumb friends.”

“But Baekhyun―”

“Wait, is that  _Jongin_?” a fourth voice resounds, and Jongin gapes in shock as Sehun pops out from behind Chanyeol. His lips stretch to a wide smile when he spots him. “It is! Hi Jongin!”

“Sehun, you know this guy?” Chanyeol asks.

“Yeah! He’s my new neighbor. Which means―Ohhh. No wonder why your childhood friend snatched him. What a shame! I wanted him  _first_ ,” Sehun pouts while Jongin is in shock and confused over Sehun’s words.

“There, there,” Chanyeol pats Sehun’s head like a little kid, and Sehun plays along, making sad, childish faces and stomping his foot.

“What―” Jongin doesn’t have time to express his disbelief, for the warning bell rings at that moment, signaling to the students they’ve got ten minutes left before class starts.

“Well, gotta go! Don’t forget to  _not_  forget me, Baekhyun!” Chanyeol winks before dragging Sehun off, the latter waving goodbye to both of them enthusiastically as they head down the hallway.

“So…” Jongin shifts awkwardly while watching Baekhyun seethe. “Are you…  _friends_  with that Chanyeol?”

“Fuck no!” Baekhyun snaps, waving a hand away. “Never mind that asshole. I can’t believe you got on Sehun’s radar day one! That’s terrible news!”

“Why…? Sehun is a bit… bubbly, but he seems… nice?”

Baekhyun scoffs. “Yeah, nice. Too nice. He is known as  _Venus_ in our school.”

“Venus?”

“Short for Venus Flytrap. That guy is a  _trap_!”

“I… don’t get what you mean…”

“It means he’s―” Baekhyun halts when he notices Jongin staring down the hallway, eyes transfixed onto Sehun’s back. “Oh god. Don’t tell me you’re mesmerized with him already!”

“What do you mean? Stop speaking cryptic words!”

“I meant―” Baekhyun huffs, shaking Jongin by the shoulders. “Listen: Do  _not_  fall in love with Oh Sehun.”

“In l―love? Of course I’m not! I don’t know what you’re talking about at all.”

“Yes you do. And I mean it. He’s nothing but bad news for you.”

“Why…?”

“First of all, he’s―” Baekhyun turns his gaze back down the hallway, where another guy is approaching Sehun and Chanyeol. “Look.”

Jongin does look. He watches as the new guy comes up to those two and―

“Jongin, I’m sorry to break your heart in advance,” Baekhyun proclaims grimly, “but Sehun already has a boyfriend.”

―Jongin watches, time frozen around him, as the stranger leans in and kisses Sehun right on the lips.

 

✚

 

Jongin then finds out he shares class with Sehun.

After the first bell, he makes it to class with two minutes to spare, and finds Sehun sitting on top of his boyfriend’s desk, facing the latter who’s seated on a chair. The boy perks up upon seeing him.

“Jongin, hey! I didn’t know we share homeroom together!” Sehun waves cheerily, which attracts the attention of everyone in the room.

“Yeah…” Jongin mumbles, taking an empty seat in a corner, a few desks away from Sehun.

“That’s great! Let’s be super close, okay?”

Before Jongin can react, Sehun’s boyfriend is narrowing his eyes, cutting in. “‘Super close’? As in how close?”

“As in close friends close~” Sehun answers nonchalantly. “Like how you and I are suuuuper close, too.”

“Yeah, but we’re not  _just_  close friends, are we?”

“Of course not, otherwise you wouldn’t get to do this,” and with that, Sehun leans down to kiss his boyfriend full on the lips. The boyfriend then curls a hand around Sehun’s nape, pulling him down as they make out heatedly.

Jongin looks away and concentrates on pulling his notebook and pencil out, ignoring the small moan leaving Sehun’s throat just three desks away.

Thankfully, the final bell rings and the teacher walks in soon after. What is  _not_  thankful, however, is Sehun hopping off his boyfriend’s desk and plopping down on the seat right in front of Jongin.

Which means now Jongin has to look at Sehun―more specifically, Sehun’s back―anytime he looks at the chalkboard.

Just his luck.

 

✚

 

When Baekhyun meets with Jongin for lunch, the younger’s face is more sour than it had been when they last parted.

“People won’t leave me alone,” he complains first thing as they find a table to settle down. “They keep asking me questions, like where I’m from, why I transferred, if I’m going to join any clubs. Is a new student such a big deal?”

“A new student normally isn’t a big deal, but a new student that  _Sehun_  has taken interest in is a big deal,” Baekhyun tells him sympathetically.

“Why?”

“Because Sehun is a big deal, if you can’t tell already. He’s one of the most popular students in this school. Kinda has the whole school in the palm of his hand, to be honest.”

Jongin frowns, picking at his spaghetti.

“Seriously, what did you  _do_? Didn’t you tell me you moved in on Saturday? It’s only Monday, and I came over all of yesterday! How did you manage to catch his interest on your first day here?”

“I don’t know…” Jongin grumbles. “I barely said two words to him. It was mostly him talking to me.”

Baekhyun inspects him, feeling sorry for Jongin since Sehun’s reputation is notorious. “Well, you are pretty goodlooking.”

“Sehun has a boyfriend.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Sehun  _always_  has a boyfriend.”

“Whatever. I need to go meet my teacher before class. She has some materials to give me.”

Baekhyun nods, and Jongin leaves a few minutes later to meet with his teacher. Baekhyun watches as the younger leaves, contemplating.

Jongin is a strange kid. He lives in the same neighborhood as Baekhyun and Sehun, which means that―yeah, Jongin is a  _rich kid_. Santa Monica in general is a place for rich people, and its High School is undoubtedly more for the uppercrust kids of the society, but just being in that neighborhood means your social status is elevated even higher compared to other students.

So… Jongin is a rich kid, but he doesn’t seem very stuck up at all. In fact, it seems like he hates attention. Hates when people bother him for frivolous, shallow things.

Which―Baekhyun identifies with. Feels some kind of kindred bond with him.

And this… means Jongin hasn’t been tainted yet. And Baekhyun is going to try his damnest to not let the boy be corrupted by this school and all the rottenness that comes with it.

He won’t fail  _again_. Like what happened before. Like what happened to―

“I told you, Sehun, I am not your personal slave that you can drag me whichever way you feel like it!” a deep voice resounds, cutting Baekhyun out of his thoughts. He looks up to see―Oh no. The last two people he wants to see.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend to trail after you like a puppy? Where’s he?” Chanyeol is grumbling as he follows after Sehun nonetheless.

“I don’t know, Zitao’s probably off fighting someone. Besides, you’re my best friend! So that makes you my personal slave anyway!” Sehun sticks his tongue out at Chanyeol as he reaches Baekhyun’s table, then gives him a wide grin. “Hi Baekhyun! Where’s Jongin? I thought he was with you.”

Sehun’s smile is perfectly bright, too genuine and almost  _innocent_ , but Baekhyun isn’t fooled. Not after all these years.

“He left early to meet with a teacher.”

“Awww~” Sehun whines. “Then, can you relay a message to him? Tell him I have a party this weekend, and that he’s invited! You can come too, Baekhyun.”

“No thanks,” Baekhyun says automatically. Sehun only blinks at him, then at Chanyeol, before clapping his hands together.

“Okaaay then! I’m going to let you do your magic, Chanyeol. Get them to come no matter what!”

With that, Sehun bounces away, and Baekhyun simply glares as Chanyeol takes a seat next to him.

“Come, Baekhyun.”

“No.”

Chanyeol crosses his arms and looks straight at him. “You know, my mom told me to hang out with you more since your mom told  _her_  you’ve been cooped up inside your room playing Leagues of Legend in your free time.”

Baekhyun curses inwardly. He knows his mom was only worrying about her son, but seriously―did she need to tell Chanyeol’s mom that? It makes him look so pitiful!

“Not everyone likes to spend their free time partying like you do,” he answers blandly.

“You used to be so outgoing, though! Had lots of friends! Now you only have me as a friend.”

“You’re  _not_  my friend,” Baekhyun blanches.

Chanyeol only grins at him. “You are  _my_  friend.”

Baekhyun glares at him. “No, thank you. And you don’t need to worry. I made a new friend in Jongin, remember?”

“Then you can bring your new friend along to the party!”

“No.”

“Jongin is new here. It’ll be good for him to make new friends through this party!”

Baekhyun pauses, considering his words. But he still keeps silent.

“Come ooon! Sehun’ll have my head if you don’t say yes.”

Baekhyun crosses his arms, mimicking Chanyeol’s actions. Honestly, he’s never understood the relationship between Chanyeol and Sehun. They seem to have some kind of symbiosis bond going on, being the two most popular boys in the school. Chanyeol seems to dote on Sehun a lot and does whatever Sehun asks even if he always complains about it.

“I don’t care if he’ll be mad at you.”

Chanyeol huffs, blowing air through his nose. “If you don’t go, I’m going to tell my mom that you explicitly turned down an invitation to hang out from me, and she’ll tell  _your_  mom, and they’ll end up  _locking_  us together in a room for five hours so we can ‘get our bond back, just like the old days’,” he quotes while rolling his eyes.

Baekhyun shivers. His mom really  _will_  do it. She’s ridiculously fond of Chanyeol for some unfathomable reason, and keeps lamenting over the fact that he is no longer close to Chanyeol. She keeps creating opportunities to make them hang out together, and if she hears how he dares to turn Chanyeol down when the other boy is being so ‘kind’ to reach out to him first, she’ll have his head.

“Fine,” Baekhyun grits out. “Just one! This one dumb party, that’s it!”

“Great! Remember to wear something nice, okay? And take off those nerdy glasses!”

“No―”

Baekhyun doesn’t get to finish, for there is a shrilly voice sounding out.

“Chanyeol! So this is where you are!” A pretty girl with heavy makeup comes up from behind Chanyeol and wraps her arms around his neck intimately. “I’ve been looking for you all through lunch!”

Chanyeol grins, leaning back, and Baekhyun glares at the way the other’s head rests perfectly on her big boobs.  _Probably wearing padded bras_ , he thinks in disgust.

“Sorry, I’ve been handing out invitations to Sehun’s new party.”

“Really? You better be inviting me!”

“Of course I am! How can I forget such a gorgeous thing as you?”

The girl giggles, sliding her perfectly manicured hands down Chanyeol’s chest. “Good, because I just bought a new swimsuit I’ll wear to the pool party!”

Her hand starts slipping inbetween the buttons of Chanyeol’s shirt to touch his bare chest underneath, and Baekhyun has had  _enough_.

He stands up abruptly and grabs his tray before throwing it in the trash.

“Remember to bring Jongin along!” Chanyeol calls out as Baekhyun stalks away irritatedly. He can hear sloppy kissing noises behind him, which prompts him to walk even faster.

God, he hates Chanyeol  _so much_.

 

✚

 

Jongin adjusts the sleeve of his jacket with a frown. “I don’t really want to go to this party.”

Baekhyun sighs. “I don’t either. But this is more for your sake.”

“What?”

“As much as I hate to admit Chanyeol was right… You’re new here, Jongin. This party will be a good opportunity for you to make some friends.”

Jongin looks down the street, where he can see neon lights bouncing off the night sky from Sehun’s backyard already even with this distance. There’s heavy music playing, and it’s a wonder how none of the neighbors have complained about the noise.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” Jongin finally says.

“Honestly? Me neither.”

 

✚

 

The place is  _packed_.

They can barely squish through the front doors with how jammed people are inside. Some girls in legit bunny suits are wandering around the living room handing them cups as soon as they step in. The liquid is a murky yellow color, and Jongin can smell the alcohol as he swirls the cup around.

“Do you know anyone here?” Jongin asks as he notices some occupants staring at them as they pass.

Baekhyun scoffs. “No. Unless you count Chanyeol, which I don’t.”

On the stairs to the right there are two couples making out vigorously. In the center there is a huge dance floor with everyone grinding against each other. It’s chaotic. Jongin is a city boy and he’s been to these types of parties before, but there is something uncomfortable about being here, right now.

It must be because he still feels so  _out of place_  here―not just at this party, but Santa Monica, in general. He misses his friends. Baekhyun is great, but only the two of them can get lonely sometimes, and yet… he doesn’t feel the urge to make new friends, for some reason.

The people here seem like a bunch of prats―stuck up rich kids. Jongin hates it.

Then there is the matter of Sehun…

“You actually came!” Chanyeol’s voice booms, breaking Jongin out of his thoughts. He looks up to see the other approaching them, both hands holding two glasses in a crystal clear color.

“Did you expect otherwise after you practically  _threatened_  me?” Baekhyun snaps. 

Chanyeol only grins at him. “Before you can make up some excuse to leave now that I know you’re here and fulfilled your ‘promise’, let me tell you Sehun had set up a new sound system upstairs and there’s a karaoke party there!”

Despite not wanting to, Baekhyun’s eyes light up. “Karaoke?”

“Yes! With the best speakers you can possibly find! Way better than the shitty ones you use at school, Baekhyun. Wanna check it out?”

The other boy sniffs, lifting his chin. “Well, if you so desperately don’t want me to leave, I guess I can just check it out… and see if it’s as great as you proclaim it to be…”

“Dude, you know Sehun’s family is loaded! Come on―Oh, but not you, buddy.”

Jongin blinks when Chanyeol hands him one of the glasses then takes his cup before flinging it to the trash nearby. “Don’t drink from the cups, they’re cheap stuff. This is the good shit,” he gestures to the glass now in Jongin’s hand. “And I poured that myself, so you can be sure no one spiked it.”

Jongin glances at Baekhyun, who nods. “Chanyeol is a fuckboy, but he won’t spike your drinks, trust me.”

“Did you just call me a fuckboy?!” Chanyeol gasps, offended.

“I did.”

“Now I’m going to make sure you drink ten of these glasses before going home tonight, just watch!” the other declares before turning back to Jongin. “Anyway. Sehun’s been looking for you. Last I saw he was at the pool, so go find him!”

Jongin lifts an eyebrow. “I should?”

“Yes, because no one keeps his highness waiting!” Chanyeol scolds like he’s just said something dumb. He pushes Jongin towards the door with his free hand while Baekhyun protests.

“I don’t think he should go off by himself like this. I’ll go with you, Jongin―”

“No, it’s okay. I can handle myself,” Jongin gives his friend a reassuring smile. It seems Baekhyun really want to check out the karaoke thing, and it’s not like Jongin is afraid, or anything. “Have fun with Chanyeol, Baekhyun!”

“I won’t have  _fun_  with him―” Baekhyun squeaks, but Jongin only grins at him―his first genuine expression of the night―before heading out.

He doesn’t know what exactly is the deal between Baekhyun and Chanyeol―and why the older is trying so hard to push Chanyeol away, but he can tell already Baekhyun doesn’t really hate Chanyeol, and maybe even enjoy being teased and bothered by him.

He’ll let those two work things out in their own time.

 

✚

 

If possible, the pool area seems even more packed than inside the house. There are guys in swimming trunks and girls in bikinis bumping and grinding each other to sultry music blasting from a stereo nearby. Some girls inside the pool don’t even look like they are wearing anything underneath the water.

 _It’s almost like a sex party_ , Jongin thinks with a cringe.

He doesn’t see Sehun either, but he does see Sehun’s boyfriend Zitao who has his hand up the waist of some girl’s by the table with refreshments.

He sure hopes that guy isn’t cheating on Sehun.

Jongin looks back inside the house, wondering if he should search for Sehun inside, or maybe go upstairs to meet with Baekhyun, or just―

Get some air.

So he downs his glass in one go before circling to the front yard. It’s considerably more quiet here since people have stopped arriving and are already inside or in the backyard. The music is still banging loudly, but at least the air is no longer stuffy and nauseating.

It’s then that he notices someone by the mailbox. It’s almost deja-vu, like the first day he had arrived here, when he looks into the eyes of Sehun, again.

This time, Sehun isn’t obnoxiously shouting his name like he did at school. He simply smiles and tilts his head, almost as if beckoning for Jongin to come closer.

So he does.

Sehun’s cheeks are flushed pink, either from the alcohol or the cold, and they match the color of his hair, making him look ethereal in the moonlight.

“Why do you always find me at my mailbox, Jongin?” Sehun asks as soon as they’re in front of each other. “You shouldn’t! It’s my private place.”

Jongin crooks an eyebrow at this. How is a mailbox of all things ‘private’? But Sehun still has this calm, almost serene smile on his face, and Jongin doesn’t want to say anything to make it disappear.

“I hope you weren't about to leave the party, being out here! Because I was looking forward to seeing you.”

“Why?”

“Because―I told you! I want to grow closer to you!”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a  _mystery_. And I can’t figure you out.”

Jongin quirks his lips, smiling for the first time in front of Sehun. “I think  _you_  are much more a mystery than me.”

Sehun hums. “Am I? Is that a good thing?”

Jongin shrugs. “I don’t know.”

The other boy simply stares at him at this, like he’s considering something. “You know, I don’t get you.”

“Huh?”

“You’re so handsome… Yet you don’t really smile―at least not with  _me_? I feel like you hate me, and I don’t know why. It makes me sad. Do you hate me, Jongin?”

Jongin bites on his lip. “I don’t think I know you enough to know if I hate you or not.”

The boy pouts. “You’re like, brutally honest. And I’m not used to it.”

 _Sehun has the whole school in the palm of his hand_ , Jongin recalls Baekhyun saying. He starts to understand now. “So you think I should be nicer to you?”

“Hmn, no. I think you should be as you are, because I like a challenge.”

Jongin blinks. “A challenge?”

Sehun simply smiles at him. His pink hair is fluttering across his eyes, glimmering against pale skin. Sehun looks almost  _unreal_  like this―like a pretty china doll.

Pretty, but something you shouldn’t touch because it’s too precious.

Sehun is the one who initiates, though―he reaches a hand up to brush across Jongin’s cheek. “Seriously, where did you come from? Do boys there come default as handsome as you?”

Jongin barks out a surprised laugh. “This is the third time you’ve said this now. You find me really handsome?”

“Very,” Sehun nods grimly. “Super duper handsome. I am awestruck.”

 _I think that should be my line_ , Jongin thinks, but doesn’t say.

“I feel like…” Sehun starts, voice in a whisper as he leans closer, “you’re different. Like you look at me, and you don’t just want―That you’re not like―”

Sehun’s words are incoherent, getting softer as he speaks, and Jongin feels like this is something he should know―something a bit more genuine than the frivolous things Sehun’s rambled at him before, so he leans closer to hear more clearly.

He doesn’t realize how close they were―he can feel Sehun’s lips brushing across his cheek, the softest of touch before he’s abruptly yanked away, breaking the almost trancelike atmosphere between them.

“How dare you tried to steal Sehun from me! Don’t fucking touch him!” is what Jongin barely is able to hear before he is punched in the face, making him crash into the fence behind him, by a furious-looking Zitao.

 

✚

 

Jongin isn’t a rash and impulsive person in general.

He’s pretty easygoing most of the time, and he had a tightknit group of friends he kept to back at his old school, whom had been with him from Elementary days. Him being in a sports team that brought their school many victories made him well-respected with the rest of the student body, too.

Needless to say, Jongin had never made enemies before. Not ones that would explicitly punch him in the face, anyway.

So the punch hurt more than expected, simply because it wasn’t expected. His steps skitter back, spitting out blood onto the pavement. “What the fuck―”

“How dare you kiss him―”

“I didn’t kiss him, you violent mental―” Jongin retorts, fingers slowly curling into a fist. Just because he’s usually easygoing doesn’t mean he’ll take a punch obediently, especially when it was so unwarranted.

Jongin can see Zitao raising his fist again, and he’s bracing himself for his first brawl ever, when a figure steps in front of him―Sehun―a hand reaching back to touch his wrist as he faces Zitao.

“Zitao, go!” Sehun’s voice rings clear in the still of the night. It’s only then does he notice there’s a crowd gathering around them.

“But―”

“Like he said, I didn’t kiss Jongin, you crazy jealous fuck! Now  _leave_  before I call the cops on you.”

Zitao opens his mouth again, protest on his lips, but there must be something in Sehun’s expression―something Jongin can’t see since the other boy’s back is to him―for he deflates, and mumbles, “Fine.”

Jongin watches in disbelief when Zitao stalks away, not sparing a glance back at his punching victim, gaze directed on Sehun the entire time, almost… in distressed? Before he gets into his car and drives away.

Jongin barely has time to wipe the blood lingering on his lips when Sehun spins around, takes one look at his face, and tugs him forward, saying, “Come with me.”

Honestly, Jongin is too tired to resist, and getting away from the crowd of peering eyes will be nice, too, so he lets Sehun drag him back into the house and up the stairs, the crowd making a path for them as if Sehun is royalty walking past.

The younger is opening a door upstairs when Baekhyun stomps up with Chanyeol trailing behind him.

“What the fuck did I just hear? Jesus Jongin, look at your face! I can’t believe you got punched not even an hour after I left you alone!”

“Yeah, ha-ha,” Jongin says dryly, wincing when his lower lip tears as he speaks.

“Come on, let’s go home. I’ll patch you up―” Baekhyun is reaching out for Jongin when Sehun steps between them, not unlike the way he had with Zitao earlier, and says, “No.”

“What―”

“I’ll be the one patching him up,” Sehun says in a firm voice then looks behind Baekhyun. “Chanyeol, keep people out for me.”

The older boy says, “Roger,” as Sehun finishes opening the door and shoves Jongin inside, the door clicking behind them with a lock before Baekhyun has time to react.

“Sehun what the fuck! Open this damn door! You can’t just  _kidnap_  Jongin―” Baekhyun’s bewildered voice can be heard from behind the door.

“I’m not kidnapping him, I’m gonna clean his wounds,” Sehun rolls his eyes, nudging Jongin to sit down onto a bed as he rummages through a desk nearby.

Baekhyun’s voice starts to die out―maybe Chanyeol is pacifying him?―and that’s when Jongin has time to look around. The room is decorated pretty grand with a canopy bed like in one of those Old European movies his mom likes to watch, and is unexpectedly clean and neat, almost devoid of life and anything particularly personal that might belong to the owner of the room, save for two pictures on the stand next to the bed.

Surprisingly, it’s not a picture of Sehun with his boyfriend Zitao, like Jongin would expect, but of Sehun and  _Chanyeol_ , the two with matching flashing V-signs in an amusement park. Jongin quirks an eyebrow at this and shifts his gaze to the other frame.

In it, is a couple with a little kid, all three with wide, happy smiles. This must be Sehun and his parents when he was young, then. Jongin can see the boy’s eyesmile―eyes curving into pretty crescents even when he was a child, and Jongin realizes he hasn’t seen the  _current_ Sehun like this before. Smiling, yes, but they’re almost fake smiles, not a bright, sincere one like in the picture.

“Wasn’t I cute when I was a kid?” Sehun’s voice breaks Jongin out of his thoughts, and he looks up to see the other boy sitting down on the bed next to him, a first aid kit on his lap.

“You were,” Jongin responds honestly.

“And now?”

Jongin pauses as Sehun takes out a cotton swap and starts dabbing at his wounds. “It’s not the same.”

Sehun frowns at the answer but keeps cleaning his wounds. The room is silent as he works. Up this close, Jongin can see how long the boy’s eyelashes are, and how pale his skin is. The dim light from the one sole lamp in Sehun’s room gives an almost hazy effect on Sehun’s figure, giving a trancelike feeling.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says as he’s done, putting the tools back inside the kit.

“For what?”

“For what Zitao did.”

“You weren’t the one who did it,” Jongin says, shrugging. Then, “But it almost feels like you did it on purpose.”

Sehun pauses, looks up at him. “Huh?”

“Did you do what you did to provoke Zitao on purpose?”

The other keeps his eyes on Jongin for a long moment before his lips curl into a smile. “For someone so quiet, you’re sharp, Jongin. Or is it  _because_  you’re quiet?”

“I’m not quiet.”

“Just with me.”

Jongin shrugs. “So did you?”

Sehun hums, closing the kit and setting it onto the stand. “You are sharp, but not  _that_  sharp. I did do it on purpose, but it wasn’t for Zitao.”

“Then…”

“Sorry you got hurt because of me,” Sehun says suddenly, fingers caressing Jongin’s face, brushing across his wound in a fleeting touch, like grains of sand. “But this rugged look makes you look more handsome, you know. Like a bad boy.”

“Do you want me to be bad?”

“Only because I am.”

Jongin frowns. Anything Sehun speaks sound like a riddle, and he’s starting to get a headache from―everything. The alcohol, the punch, the taste of blood lingering underneath his tongue. Everything that’s happened tonight.

Sehun pulls Jongin up, a mysterious smile on his lips, before unlocking the door. “Let’s give you back to your babysitter, shall we?”

 

✚

 

Baekhyun is a smart person. He knows when something is futile. When it’s in vain. So obviously, pounding on Sehun’s door isn’t going to work, and he doesn’t know how to pick locks, the next best thing is to glare at the boy next to him.

“What?” Chanyeol holds two palms up in a pacifying gesture, like he’s afraid Baekhyun will lash out at him.

“Sehun’s boyfriend is a lunatic! Why did he punch Jongin!”

Chanyeol shrugs helplessly like it isn’t his fault. Baekhyun supposes it isn’t, but still!

“Did you see Jongin’s face just now? It was all bloody! His nose better not be broken, jesus. I can’t believe this happened, I should’ve stuck with him―”

“It’s just a punch. He’s a guy. He’ll get over it.”

Baekhyun whips around, furious. “A punch he shouldn’t have gotten if your friend’s boyfriend wasn’t a jealous ass! Poor Jongin―”

“I know it sucks he got punched when he’s innocent but it’s still just a punch. Why are you so upset? Do you like him?”

“Wha―” Baekhyun sputters at the bored look Chanyeol is giving him. “No! Jongin is like, a little brother to me! And I was supposed to protect him, not this―”

“Yeah, it sucks,” Chanyeol leans on the wall, sighing. “I’m sure Sehun’ll have a talk with Zitao, don’t worry. Also… nice to see your habits haven’t changed.”

“Huh?”

“You like picking up little brothers. Like a motherhen type.” He glances at Baekhyun with a grin. “I was your little brother before, remember?”

Baekhyun crosses his arms with a frown.

“It’s true! Remember I used to get bullied when I was a chubby kid? You used to always run to my defense and speak up for me. You were always the fiercer one between us. Even with that tiny body.”

Baekhyun huffs, looking away. He wants to say,  _Yeah, I remember. You used to cry a lot when the kids made fun of you for being overweight. I would always wipe your tears and hug you._

_That is… until you hit a growth spurt and lost weight and became more handsome. And started hanging out with the popular kids._

_And not me._

Chanyeol opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something more, when there’s a click and the door swings open.

“Jongin!” Baekhyun gasps, relieved to see the other boy. “How are you?”

The other gives his friend a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, Baekhyun. Getting punched sucked obviously but it could’ve been worse.”

“Yeah! Zitao knows  _wushu_  you know. Martial arts! He’s super strong―”

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun glares at him. Then glares at Sehun. “And you! Keep check on that crazy boyfriend of yours.”

“Sorryyyy,” Sehun gives an easy smile, bouncing on his heels as he grins at Jongin. “I’ll make it up to you, Jongin!”

The boy only sighs, shaking his head. “I dread to see what that means. Let’s go, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun gives suspicious glances at the other two before following Jongin down the stairs.

 

✚

 

“So. You’re famous.”

Jongin groans, forehead knocking onto the table, inches away from his lunch.

“I mean. You were kinda famous before just from being a transfer student. But now you’re even more, being known as the kid that got punched by Sehun’s boyfriend for not-kissing him.”

“ _Urg_.” Jongin bangs his head repeatedly onto the table, making Baekhyun worry since his nose is still tender-looking and his lips still split and healing. “I just wanted a normal, quiet high school life. How is that too much to ask?!”

Baekhyun looks around the cafeteria, where many people are glancing at them and whispering. “I guess it is, for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, maybe if you were a bit more  _ugly_  and hadn’t caught Sehun’s attention―”

“You’re a terrible friend!” Jongin elbows Baekhyun upon seeing the grin on the older boy’s face.

“Maybe if you get a few scars on that face…” Baekhyun ponders, rubbing his chin.

“Won’t help. Sehun said my punched-in face make me look like a  _bad boy_  and thus more handsome.”

“Geez, he’s shameless.”

Jongin flops back onto his seat, sighing. “Yeah.”

“On the bright side, I think he was correct! Those split lips really add an exotic look to your face―”

“Not you too!” Jongin elbows him again, and the two laugh, enjoying their lunch before there’s a noise of someone clearing his throat.

They look up to see Zitao looming over their table. “Can we… talk for a moment?” he asks, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Jongin leans back onto his seat with narrowed eyes. “Talk? With our mouths and not our  _fists_ , right?”

Zitao winces, clears his throat, then says, “Yeah. About that… I wanted to… apologize.”

Jongin blinks in surprise. He certainly didn’t expect this. “Apologize?”

“Yes. I was rash and acted out of line. I saw the two of you hovering over each other and thought you were kissing, but you… weren’t. I should’ve made sure first before punching you. I’m… sorry.”

“Well, then.” Jongin tilts his head, exhaling. “Fine. Just remember to keep your temper in check next time.”

Next to him, Baekhyun is hissing, “You’re just letting him go like this? Look at your face! It’s still not healed yet!” to which Jongin shrugs. The last thing he wants is to cause more drama.

“Great!” Zitao breathes in relief. “Then can you tell Sehun that and ask him not to be mad at me anymore?”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “You only apologized to me because Sehun was mad at you, huh.”

Zitao scratches his head, looking sheepish. “Well, I mean… You guys really didn’t kiss so I was in the wrong. But yeah… I just don’t want him to be mad at me…”

Jongin stares. Someone like Zitao seems like he has a lot of pride, yet he was able to swallow them and come here to apologize to someone, for the sake of Sehun’s forgiveness. “You really like Sehun, huh?”

“Obviously,” Zitao states like Jongin is stupid.

“…Why?”

“What?”

“Just… Yeah, he’s goodlooking, but… Isn’t Sehun difficult to be around with? I’ve known him for barely a week and I get exhausted being around him already. I can never know what he’s thinking or planning to do.”

“Well, yeah. I guess he is. But I think that’s part of what makes him attractive. Like he’s always so mysterious, so many hidden layers. I want to… I want to know more about him. We might be dating but I don’t… really know him much. And I want to. I don’t know how to explain it…”

Jongin shrugs, not saying the truth that he understands what Zitao means―That Sehun is  _fascinating_. Like a puzzle. Something that is very hard to solve due to the hundreds upon hundreds pieces and layers, but once solved, will evolve into something beautiful. Out of this world.

Maybe. Possibly.

“Whatever! I don’t need to justify myself to you!” Zitao grumbles. “Can you just tell Sehun you forgave me?”

“I haven’t even seen him all day.” Which is true. Sehun skipped class this morning.

“He got to school right before lunch. Where is―Ah! Sehun!” True to his words, Jongin follows the direction where Zitao is looking at to see Sehun and Chanyeol walking side by side. Sehun gives his boyfriend an unimpressed look as the two make their way over to him.

“Didn’t I say I don’t want to see your face today?” Sehun asks as soon as they reach the table, and Jongin widens his eyes in shock at how cold Sehun sounds. 

“I apologized to Jongin! He said he forgives me, right, Jongin?”

The boy in question shrugs. “Yeah, sure. It’s just a punch.”

“See? So―”

“So?” Sehun cuts in. “I don’t care that Jongin forgives you. I have to queue for lunch now. Let’s go, Chanyeol.” With that, the boy curls his arm around Chanyeol’s, linking them together, before walking away with haughty steps.

“Sehun, wait!” Zitao scrambles after them, Sehun not giving a single look back as Chanyeol waves at Baekhyun and Jongin before getting dragged away.

Jongin stares at their back, perplexed. “Looking at this… It actually looks like  _Zitao_  is the thirdwheel between Sehun and Chanyeol.”

“Well,” Baekhyun speaks up for the first time since Zitao first came over with an exasperated look. “Sehun is kinda, you know. How shall I put this… He changes boyfriends like he changes clothes. He and Zitao have only been dating for a week before you came here, I think? I’m sure he’ll get the boot soon enough.”

“Oh…”

“Yeaaaah. Whereas Sehun and Chanyeol have been like that since… middle school. So I mean, you’re not  _wrong_.”

“Huh.” Jongin turns back to his lunch. His mind drifts back to the photo of Sehun and Chanyeol in Sehun’s bedroom. Of how it was the only personal thing of Sehun’s he saw aside from the frame with his parents, in Sehun’s surprisingly stale and lifeless room, despite all the expensive decorations.

Of how  _lonely_  Sehun’s room had looked, aside from those two photos.

 

✚

 

Chanyeol might be taller, but Sehun can walk  _fast_  when he wants to, and Chanyeol stumbles trying to keep up with him.

“Zitao, go away.” Sehun turns around to face his trailing boyfriend.

“But why? Can’t we just―hang out?” Zitao asks desperately.

“No. Because I’m going to hang with Chanyeol today.”

“I can’t join?”

“No. I want to hang with only Chanyeol.”

“Only Chanyeol?”

“Yeah.” Sehun lifts his chin. “Why? Are you going to punch Chanyeol in the face too like you did Jongin?”

Zitao winces, shrinking back. “No…”

“Okay then. Bye.”

Sehun hops inside Chanyeol’s car, waiting. Chanyeol gives Zitao a shrug before getting in the driver’s seat and starting the ignition.

“Where to?”

“Your house.”

Chanyeol nods. A closer look at Sehun reveals that he actually looks pretty exhausted despite trying not to show it, so Chanyeol turns on the music and drives to his house, humming along the way to make up for Sehun’s silence in the car.

It’s not long before they arrive and settle onto Chanyeol’s bed with some random movie playing. Sehun is quiet and subdued. It’s thirty minutes in that he finally asks, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just… tired.”

“Is that why you were taking it out on poor Zitao today?”

Sehun scowls. “It’s his fault for being a jealous psycho like that! He doesn’t own me. And Jongin and I didn’t even kiss!”

“But you want to.”

His scowl shifts into a pout.

“See? You can’t blame Zitao for being insecure.”

“Whatever, I still didn’t! And I hate that you know me too well, Chanyeol.”

“That’s a lie. I know you don’t hate it.” Chanyeol grins, nudging him.

Sehun keeps pouting as he shifts, resting his head onto Chanyeol’s shoulder. “No, I don’t. I wish every guy in this world is like you.”

“What, you mean tall, dark, and handsome like me?” he teases.

Chanyeol had expected Sehun to protest or say something sarcastic back, but instead, the younger boy only closes his eyes and nuzzles closer into Chanyeol’s chest. “Yeah…”

Chanyeol stares out to the window, where the sky is bright outside. A few minutes of silence pass before he can hear the soft and even breathing of Sehun’s, knowing the younger boy is asleep by now.

He shifts his gaze to Sehun’s peaceful sleeping face and tries not to think about how in a few hours, Sehun will have to go home, and he’ll be depressed and unprotected, and there is nothing Chanyeol can do to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, sehun is hiding a very dark secret and it's the reason why he's acting so frivolous, bc it's a façade. yes, the 2 pictures in sehun's room are both important plotpoints later on. yes, something happened between chanyeol and baekhyun when they were kids and that's why they're like this.
> 
> and yes, poor jongin bc he just wants a quite, normal school life but is caught up in all this mess lol.
> 
> new update (hopefully) later this week! i personally like this story a lot and i hope you guys'll like it too ♥


	2. Boys Like You

✚

 

The engines slowly fade out as the car stops in front of a familiar driveway.

Chanyeol turns off the ignition before looking at Sehun in hesitation. “You sure you wanna go home? You know you can sleep over at my house tonight, right?”

Sehun shakes his head. “No. It’s alright.”

Chanyeol looks like he has more to say, but in the end he only sighs and gets out of the car. “I’ll walk you to your door.”

Sehun gives a small, but genuine smile. A smile rarely anyone but Chanyeol ever gets to see. “Thanks.”

“Hey… You know you can call me for like, _anything_ , right?” There is so much implied in his words that Sehun chooses to not recognize.

“I know,” is all he answers. Sehun does know, but that doesn’t mean he can do what he wants to be doing.

Because what he wants to do and what he has to do, are two very different things.

 

✚

 

When Sehun walks into his house, the place is brightly lit, signaling there is someone home.

Rather, two people home.

He finds them in the dining room. “Hi mom, dad. You guys are home from your trip?”

“Sehun!” his mom claps her hands together, smiling when she sees him. “Yes, the Bahamas was wonderful! It’s a shame you couldn’t go since you had school!”

Even if Sehun didn’t have school, he would find an excuse so he wouldn’t go on the trip, anyway.

“I had told you it would be okay to skip school for a week to go with us, Sehun,” his dad adds.

Sehun gives a blasé smile. “Mnn, it’s still early in the semester. It wouldn’t look too good if I miss a week of class already.”

His dad shrugs. “Well, we bought presents for you from the trip. I put them in your bedroom earlier.”

“I got you lots of nice clothes and cute trinkets! I hope you’ll like them, Sehun!” his mom chimes in.

His dad nods, glancing at Sehun. “Yes, I also got you an outfit that I think would suit you, Sehun. It’s in a box. Be sure to check it out.”

Sehun nods, turning away to head upstairs where his room is. “Got it. I’ll check the presents out after I shower.”

“You’re not going to eat dinner with us?” his mom asks as he makes his way upstairs.

“I’ve already eaten at Chanyeol’s place, mom. I’m good,” he replies, giving her a quick smile before climbing the stairs.

That’s a lie. Sehun did nothing but sleep at Chanyeol’s house before he got woken up by the alarm he had set on his phone, knowing his parents would be home tonight.

He hasn’t eaten at all since lunch at school, but he’s not feeling hungry, anyway.

Maybe with an empty stomach, he can handle what’s to come better.

 

✚

 

Chanyeol stares at the door long after Sehun had gone inside, feeling like he’s just done something he shouldn’t have, but not knowing what else to do.

With a sigh, he turns around when he hears the clicking of a lock of a car nearby, signaling someone else around.

When he looks in the direction of the noise, he catches eyes with a familiar face.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol shouts in surprise, walking over. “You just got home?” School had ended hours ago, so he is surprised the older boy has just gotten home.

The other boy seems hesitant before replying, “I had Music Club practice.”

“Oh right! I forgot you have that!”

“Yeah, the same Music Club you used to be in before you ditched it,” Baekhyun blurts out before wincing, like he hadn’t meant to say it.

Chanyeol’s expression drops. “Ah, yeah. Sorry… I have other things to do now…”

Baekhyun scowls. He wants to say, _You mean other things like partying in clubs and letting girls hang all over you?_ but refrains.

Chanyeol gives a tentative smile, scratching his head and obviously trying to move away from the previous conversation. “So, you guys working on a new song in the Music Club?”

Baekhyun nods. “Yes. We plan to perform a few new songs at the Spring Showcase. A few self-composes. A few covers. Not sure if we’re going to dance…”

“You should!” Chanyeol tells him passionately. “You have a great voice, but you’re not bad at dancing at all! Much better than me!”

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him. “Almost everyone is better at dancing than you. You flail around like a lost duckling whenever you try to dance, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol barks out a laugh, like he’s not offended at all at Baekhyun’s words. And Baekhyun knows he’s not. The other isn’t the type to mind this kind of stuff―doesn’t mind if people make jokes and cracks about him, as long as that keeps the mood of the conversation up.

Chanyeol has always been so easy to get along with, even back then, and Baekhyun had almost forgotten how nice it can be to just… _talk_ to the other boy like this.

Baekhyun, if he is to be honest with himself, had… missed this. Missed just conversing normally with Chanyeol about anything and everything.

“Yeah, I was always better at accompanying you guys in the background playing the drums or guitar or something,” Chanyeol agrees good-naturedly with a smile.

“You are pretty good at playing instruments.” Baekhyun sniffs. “And well, I guess you’re not absolutely _terrible_ at dancing. I mean, you could follow the steps. They just looked kind of awkward because you’re so tall and your limbs could be all over the place.”

“Haha, I know. I’m actually trying to get better at dancing, because I think it’s fun.”

Baekhyun blinks. He didn’t know this. “You are? How?” Did Chanyeol join a Dance Club without his knowledge?

“Sehun is teaching me!” Chanyeol chimes brightly, but Baekhyun’s good mood dissipates instantly at his words. “He’s almost as tall as me but he dances really well, did you know? Like, he could be a professional dancer! So he’s been giving me pointers on what to do, how to move my body correctly―”

Chanyeol keeps gushing, but Baekhyun isn’t listening anymore. Again, it is always _Sehun_ with Chanyeol. Sehun wants to do this, so Chanyeol is doing this too. Sehun is going to this, so Chanyeol is going too. Sehun is Chanyeol’s new best friend, and _not_ ―

During his internal griping, Baekhyun slides his eyes past Chanyeol and notices the younger boy’s familiar car, a bright red, sleek Aston Martin sitting on the driveway of a certain someone’s house.

“And you were only here for Sehun, was it?” Baekhyun interrupts.

Chanyeol blinks, pausing mid-speech to answer, “Oh, yeah. I had to drop Sehun off.”

“Yeah? Where’s his actual boyfriend to drop him off?”

“Ahh, well… You saw how he treated Zitao at lunch. So he wanted to hang at my place today.”

“So just because Sehun wants it, you drop everything to cater to him?”

The other boy blinks again, like he’s confused. “What do you mean?”

Baekhyun purses his lips. He has a few classes together with Chanyeol, and he had distinctly heard Chanyeol earlier today promising some girl that they’ll be together afterschool. “Didn’t you have a date this afternoon with a girl, Chanyeol?”

“Oh, you heard?” Chanyeol scratches his head awkwardly. “Yeah, I had to cancel it because Sehun―”

“Exactly,” Baekhyun cuts in heatedly. “As long as _Sehun_ wants it, you would drop your whole life as you know it for him. Don’t you think you’re doing too much? He’s not a baby that needs your company for everything―”

Chanyeol frowns. “I know he’s not a baby.”

“Then why do you always act like a puppy following his every step and letting him boss you around like a slave?” Baekhyun finally says the one thing that’s been bothering him all these years.

Chanyeol’s frown gets deeper, and Baekhyun isn’t used to this, because―He’s seen Chanyeol angry before, either from a wrong move and losing a basketball game, or from someone pissing him off, but he’s never seen this―this deep frown, not anger but more… _disappointment_. Like he had thought the other person was better than this.

Like Chanyeol had thought _Baekhyun_ was better that this.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol pronounces his name slowly, quietly, but firmly. “I know that I complain sometimes when Sehun bosses me around, but I’m not―It’s not like I do all this because Sehun is forcing me, or anything. I’m doing it because I want to.”

 _I know_ , Baekhyun wants to say as he swallows the words down. _I know no one can force you to do anything you don’t want to, because as easygoing as you appear to be, you’re actually very strong-willed. Which is why I don’t get why you do so much for Sehun._

“I… I know it might look kind of bad to outsiders.” Baekhyun’s heart aches even more at Chanyeol unintentionally referring to him as an ‘outsider’. “But Sehun is not a bad person, and he’s not treating me ‘like a slave’. He’s actually really―” The younger pauses in his words, like he wants to say more but decides not to. “Ah, it’s not my place to share this about him. Well, anyway. My point is, Sehun treats me really well, and means a lot to me. So please don’t speak badly of him.”

 _So are you saying I didn’t treat you well, and didn’t mean a lot to you, and that was why you left me?_ Baekhyun wants to scream out but ends up biting on his lip. Instead, he drops his head, gaze on the ground. “I get it. Sehun means a lot to you.”

“Baekhyun…?” Chanyeol is tilting his head like he’s confused. Like he doesn’t know what Baekhyun’s talking about.

And that’s fine. They both stopped understanding each other a long time ago anyway.

Even though they used to take pride in always knowing what the other’s thinking about before ever speaking outloud.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun relents, carding fingers through his hair with an exhale. “I shouldn’t talk about you guys when I barely know you or Sehun. You’re right.”

“That’s… what I meant but kinda not what I meant, either…” Chanyeol seems like he’s struggling on expressing himself, and Baekhyun wants to save him the trouble.

Because he’s―tired. He’s tired of not understanding where this all went wrong.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter anyway,” he assures, looking back at his house. “I should go home. My mom is going to wonder where I am even though I’ve just been standing outside my house.”

“Ah, you’re right!” Chanyeol gasps like he’s just realizing the sky is getting dark already. “I should go, too.”

“You should go home so Aunty doesn’t have to worry about you staying out late for another day,” Baekhyun reluctantly advices.

At this, Chanyeol grins at him. His first genuine, bright expression since Baekhyun had started talking about Sehun. “Okay, I will. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being a caring person who always worries about others. Because I know you are, Baekhyun. No matter how hard you try to pretend you aren’t on the outside.”

Before Baekhyun has time to protest, the younger is already waving him goodbye before hopping back to his car, starting the ignition.

Baekhyun breathes out steadily, shaking his head to clear his thoughts before heading towards his own house.

It’s been five years and everything has changed, and yet not, at the same time.

 

✚

 

It’s a nice night out tonight.

It’s been two weeks since Jongin had moved to this neighborhood, yet, with all that’s been happening so far, he still hasn’t gotten time for himself to just… explore.

Him and his trusty motorcycle.

His parents usually aren’t strict about curfews―they trust Jongin, and know he has a penchant for wandering off for some alone time with a late night ride. As long as he comes home in one piece and still does well at school, his parents don’t mind him staying out late, and Jongin has always appreciated that.

Santa Monica, he finds, can be a calming neighborhood on a Tuesday night where there is a significant lack of parties and music blasting through the area. He can smell the fresh scent of ocean a few miles away as he rides, but for now, Jongin wants to explore his neighborhood a bit to get a better feel of his surroundings.

After half an hour of soothing calm, he finds a park a few blocks away that he can stop at. The vending machine there is still working, and Jongin quenches his thirst with a can of Sprite.

It’s when he throws the now-empty can into a trash nearby that he hears a creak further back into the park.

When he checks his watch, it is 1:38AM. Late enough that anyone in their right mind would not be in the park, especially when it looks like there isn’t a party anywhere in sight.

Is someone sleeping in the park? Santa Monica isn’t known for its homeless people, is there? He knows they exist in Los Angeles, but here…?

Against his better judgement, he makes his way further in out of curiosity. If something shady is going on, he’d rather alert the police to keep his neighborhood safe than to have something bad happened later that he’ll surely regret not investigating.

As he weaves through the trees, he comes across a playground, still dimly lit in the dark of night.

And sitting in the middle on a swing with his head down, is _Sehun_.

Jongin widens his eyes in surprise. Sehun is the last person he had expected to see. After glimpsing at him briefly at lunch today, he hadn’t seen the other boy since. Especially in this circumstance, where the boy seems to be alone, by himself with no one else in sight.

Sehun is always accompanied by someone at school. Whether it’d be his boyfriend Zitao or Chanyeol, or his dozens of other friends. Sehun is a magnet and the life of the party―where he goes, everyone else goes.

Not―not like _this_.

Sehun looks up at the encroaching footsteps, and his eyes widen at the sight of Jongin. It seems Sehun hadn’t expected to see him here, either. “Jongin… What are you doing here?”

“I was taking a late night ride and chanced upon this park.” Jongin stops in front of the other, eyes sweeping over the figure. “What about you?”

“Mnn,” Sehun hums, eyes closing. The other boy’s hair is wet, a few droplets sliding down his temples. At this close distance, Jongin can smell a fresh scent of something sweet yet citrus, like strawberry mixed in with lemon, pleasant to the nose.

It seems that Sehun had just taken a bath or shower not long before coming here. 

“I guess I just wanted some time to myself.”

Jongin raises an eyebrow at this. Sehun? Time to himself?

Though just because Sehun is a social butterfly, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want time to himself every now and then, Jongin reasons.

Sehun is only in a simple black T-shirt and khaki shorts, and like this, hunched over the swing with both his hands gripping onto the chains, the other boy looks unbearably _small_ all of a sudden.

“If you stare any harder I’m going to blush, Jongin.”

Jongin jerks at his words, snapping out of his introspection. “I was just―” he starts then stops, because he’s not sure what to say.

Sehun only gives him an easy smile. “How’s your bruise? Does it still hurt?”

He shakes his head. “Not really. Your boyfriend only got one punch in before you stepped between us.”

“He’s quite hotheaded, huh? Chanyeol had told me I shouldn’t go out with someone so easily ignited, but he seemed to be really starstruck with me, so I thought, why not?”

“Do you not like him?”

The other hums again. “He’s okay, I guess.”

“He seems to really like you,” Jongin points out, not sure why he’s defending Zitao.

“Sometimes liking isn’t enough,” Sehun murmurs, voice soft like he’s talking to himself. Brightening up all of a sudden, Sehun looks up to give him a grin. “What do you think if I break up with Zitao?”

Jongin tilts his head, pausing before replying, “It doesn’t have anything to do with me, but I think… you should only go out with someone you truly like. Not because they like you.”

At this, Sehun barks out a laugh. “What a Jongin-like thing to say! Seriously, where do they make boys like you?”

Jongin frowns. “I’m not sure if I should take offense to that. It seems like you’re mocking me.”

The other waves a hand back and forth, shaking his head. “No, I’m serious. If there were more boys like you, the world would be a better place.”

Jongin’s frown gets deeper, but for a different reason now. “Boys like me?”

“You know… Sincere. The nice guy type. The ones who don’t get the girl in the drama, though I guess with your face, you won’t have that problem, huh?”

Sehun is saying that last part with a wink, but… no. Jongin finally feels like he’s going somewhere with shredding Sehun’s layers apart, no matter how insignificant it is, and he will not let Sehun distract him with frivolous talks again.

“Do you not know a lot of nice guys in your life?”

Sehun blinks, clearly not expecting this question. He stares at Jongin for a moment before closing his eyes with a smile and says, “I don’t need a lot. Just one is enough.”

Jongin wonders who it is. It’s not Zitao, is it? Then who―

“Do you want to be one of the nice guys in my life too, Jongin?”

Jongin pauses, contemplating, because this―this seems like a serious question, no matter how light Sehun’s tone had been.

“I would like to be a nice guy to you,” he finally answers, looking at the other straight in the eyes. “Especially if you don’t have many of them in your life.”

Sehun’s eyes are a pool of pitchblack in this dim lighting, so dark Jongin can barely see his pupils, but he still feels drawn to it for some reason, like he’s being pulled into a blackhole.

The other keeps his gaze, quietly studying him for a long moment before he breaks out into one of those easy smiles he seems to give out so freely to anyone and everyone. “Haha, you’re really making me blush, Jongin! I didn’t know you were such a sweet-talker! Is this how you got girls to fall for you at your old school?”

Jongin grunts, rocking back onto his heels. He wonders if he had just failed at whatever test Sehun had been giving, and why he feels disappointed at this knowledge.

It’s then that he notices something fluttering on the top of Sehun’s head when he’s focused on Sehun’s eyes and his expression no longer. It’s a small leaf, probably fallen from one of the trees nearby.

Without thinking, Jongin reaches out to take it, two fingers barely clinching onto the leaf, knuckles brushing over Sehun’s hair for the briefest of touch when―

“Don’t touch me!”

Jongin jerks back in surprise, the leaf still between his thumb and index finger as he hastily shows Sehun. “Sorry. There was a leaf on you, and―”

“O―Oh,” Sehun exhales, breathing hard as his eyes seem unfocused for a moment. “S―Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just. I’m dirty, so you shouldn’t touch me…”

“You look like you just took a shower or bath, though? Your hair is still damp,” Jongin asks, confused.

“I did. I just meant―” Sehun clears his throat, palms sliding down to wipe across his shorts haphazardly. “It’s all the dust. Spring pollen and stuff. Probably got lots on me from sitting here. I’m dirty.”

Jongin frowns, because―Sehun looks absolutely clean to him? He looks clean and smells fresh, not a hint of blemish in sight. And even if he is dirty from dust or pollens or whatever, why had he reacted so strongly?

If Sehun is more like Jongin, Jongin would understand his strong reaction to someone touching him unwarranted. Jongin doesn’t like that, either. But _Sehun_?

Sehun, who is always touching someone or other, clinging to them? Sehun, who hadn’t hesitated to brush his lips across Jongin’s cheek? Who had touched Jongin’s bloody lips and cleaned his wounds up without caring about hygiene?

Sehun, who freaks out when Jongin is touching him _now_ , for some reason?

“Ah, it’s late,” Sehun announces, breaking Jongin out of his thoughts. “I should go home now. It was nice meeting you here and talking, Jongin. I’ll see you at school tomorrow!”

“Right…” Jongin mumbles, still a little tilted, a little lost as Sehun stands up and starts walking away. “Sehun!”

The other looks back at Jongin, still rooted in front of the swings. “Hmn?”

“If you didn’t care about me being dirty from split lips and blood dripping down my chin yesterday when you cleaned my wounds up, then I won’t care about you being dirty, either.”

Sehun’s eyes widen, lingering at Jongin’s for a long time as if wondering if he’s really telling the truth―if he means what he says, before the corners of his lips tilt up into a small, soft smile.

“Thank you, Jongin.” With that, he walks away.

Leaving Jongin alone in the park, heart pounding inside his ears, because…

That smile just now―it had looked a lot less like the easygoing smile Sehun always gives to everyone he speaks to, including Jongin, and a lot more like the smile Jongin had seen in the two photos in Sehun’s room.

A true, _genuine_ smile. Not the fake ones he plasters onto his face constantly.

Jongin wonders what else he can do to see that smile again, and…

Jongin wonders who has the privilege to see that smile the most. Who that “one nice guy” in Sehun’s life is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a rare sehun pov in this chapter, but idk if you can figure him out from that anyway lol.  
> any guesses on, well, anything after reading this? like what caused baekhyun and chanyeol to fall apart, or what's up with sehun? who's the "one nice guy"? i tried to give some hints, so i'm curious on what you guys think :)
> 
> p.s.: boys like you is an actual song that i like by who is fancy, but it's a cute, fluffy song whereas this story is... decidedly not lol.


	3. For You, Always

✚

 

When Jongin gets to school the next morning, he finds Sehun and Zitao making out in front of their class.

Huh. He guesses Sehun is fine now from whatever… that was, last night.

Sehun gives him a wave when he settles in his seat, and Jongin nods. Class goes on as normal until their Class Representative walks up to the front board and says, “So, our Class Festival is in a week.”

Jongin had almost forgotten about that. He’d heard briefly about it when Baekhyun mentioned being busy with practicing for the performance before.

“As you all know, this is a mandatory school event. Everyone is required to participate. Some of you already are, in your own respective clubs. For those who are in the going-home club, however,” Jongin shifts in his seat, because that’s him, “you’ll create an activity with your fellow classmates.”

Jongin looks around. He wonders how many people in his class are not in clubs.

“Now, there are many different activities you can do for the Festival. Putting on a play, selling drinks or desserts at food stalls, any type of fair games like ring toss―”

“Oooh, let’s do a kissing booth!” a guy suddenly shoots up in his seat in excitement. “And I volunteer Sehun for it!”

Everyone glances to the boy being mentioned. Sehun only blinks in boredom back.

“W―Well, while a kissing booth isn’t off-limits,” the Class Representative say, flustered, “and it will surely make us a lot of money since it’s Sehun, we still need his consent…”

Sehun cocks his head, a cheek resting on a palm propped up on the desk. “Sure, I don’t mind,” he says.

Which―surprises Jongin, since Sehun had seemed so opposed to touch the night before. Or was last night a special thing? Was he just feeling unwell?

There’s a loud whooping cheer resounding across the classroom at Sehun’s consent, the boy who had suggested the idea the loudest.

“Yes, I knew it was a good idea!”

“Kevin, you only suggested that idea because you wanted an excuse to kiss Sehun without Zitao using his martial arts on your ass!” the girl next to him retorts, rolling her eyes.

Zitao, for his part, looks extremely displeased by this, but says nothing, simply twitching in his seat.

“What about the rest of us, though?” another guy asks. “I mean, I surely hope we won’t have to do kissing booths, too…”

“Yes, especially for the girls!” a girl exclaims, shuddering. “No offense, Sehun, but I don’t want to kiss just any slimy person that can put down a few bucks for the sake of ‘school spirit’.”

Sehun shrugs. “No offense taken.” Suddenly, he turns around in his seat and starts to stare at Jongin behind him.

Jongin shifts. “What?”

Slowly, Sehun’s lips spread into a smirk. “How about our class do a Butler Cafe instead?” he calls to the rest of the class. “If you girls don’t want to interact with slimy customers, let us boys run the Cafe as hosts and waiters, while you can just make the drinks. Sounds simple enough?”

The rest of the class mulls over his idea.

“And I can be the butler providing special service of the kissing booth and make us even more money.”

While the rest of the class is persuaded and cheering over his idea, Sehun turns his gaze back to Jongin again.

Jongin is about to ask him what’s up with the staring when Sehun speaks, voice low enough that no one can hear it except Jongin.

“You’ll look so _hot_ in a butler costume, Jongin. I can’t wait to see it.”

With one last lazy smile, he turns around, leaving Jongin flabbergasted and staring at the other boy’s back.

It almost seems like he suggested this Butler Cafe idea purely to see Jongin dressed up as one.

Knowing Sehun, that’s probably true.

 

✚

 

God, this box Baekhyun is carrying in his arms is heavy as fuck. Then again, inside it are piles and piles of music sheets, so that’s not surprising.

He is walking across the field on his way to the Music Room when he hears loud shoutings nearby. Glancing around, he spots five boys shooting hoops energetically, filled with noises and laughters.

Baekhyun’s feet stop before he realizes it, for standing in the middle of the pack, grinning brightly after he’s just shot a goal, is Chanyeol.

The other is swatting away his teammate’s hand trying to ruffle his hair for making the shot, and Baekhyun notices he looks… happy.

Chanyeol’s basketball friends might be dumb jocks and douchey to everyone not in their league, but if they make him _happy_ , then… well…

Who was Baekhyun to say otherwise?

With a sigh, he shakes his head, turning and about to continue on his path when he collides with another body.

In an instance, the box is sent flying, countless pieces of paper scattering around him, whom is now also spawled onto the ground.

“Oww…” Baekhyun groans, scampering for his glasses that had also snapped off his face, lying a few meters away from his leg.

“The fuck… Watch where you’re going, nerd!” a voice curses.

Baekhyun barely has time to slip back on his glasses when his vision slowly focuses on a guy scowling, towering over him intimidatingly.

And of course, the guy is wearing the same basketball jersey that Chanyeol is wearing. Of course it has to be one of his jerk friends.

“It’s watch where you’re going, asshole,” Baekhyun retorts, picking the box and standing up. Dismayed that the other is much taller him, he still glares up at him.

“What did you say, four-eyes? Want me to break those glasses of yours so you can see no longer?”

Truthfully, Baekhyun is kind of scared, because―fuck, why are basketball players so damn tall, the top of his head is at this guy’s like, chest!―but Baekhyun holds his ground, because he will not let these assholes bully him, goddammit. He will fight and break his bones if he must, but he won’t let them degrade him and treat him like dirt.

So he says, voice even, “I’d like to see you try, pig-for-brains,” and braces himself for the upcoming punch as the other swings an arm back―

―only to be stopped by someone behind him holding onto his wrist. A deep voice calling out, “What are you doing?”

Baekhyun’s eyes drop, not sure in relief or frustration, when he spots Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol!” the douche exclaims in excitement, probably happy thinking more of his croonies had come to back him up. “This punk right here bumped into me and had the nerve to not even apologize! Look at him and his nerdy glasses―”

Chanyeol spares a glance at the papers still scattered all across the cement, some even fluttering onto the grass far away, all of them inked with black staves denoting music sheets, and speaks. “What, were you about to hit him? Do you want to get kicked off the team that easily?”

The other guy pales. “O―Oh, no, I―”

“You know Coach is strict about us getting into any trouble that will reflect badly on our team, right? You wanna be off the reserve bench not to play as a regular but as a spectator sitting in the bleachers cheering us on?”

“No, oh god, please don’t tell Coach…”

“I won’t if you never do this again. Got it?” Chanyeol’s voice is firm, and the other guy nods hastily, scampering away without even sparing a glance at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun grunts, bending down to start picking up his papers, and he’s not surprised to see Chanyeol join him soon after.

When the other hands him his stack, Baekhyun reluctantly says, “Thanks.”

Chanyeol looks at him, and Baekhyun quickly adds, “For helping me pick up these papers. Not for stopping that douche earlier. Because I could’ve stopped him myself.”

The younger’s eyes lower, murmuring, “I know. You could handle it yourself.”

Well, yeah. Baekhyun might gain a few bruises, and break a couple bones, but he could handle himself. He’s never needed―or wanted―someone to stand up for him and protect him. He isn’t weak, okay.

But it had felt―nice. That Chanyeol still cares enough to stop that guy.

“I know you hate when others treat you like you can’t do anything yourself. Like you’re weak. I know you’re not. But I did what I did because… you did the same for me, before. So think of this as… repayment.”

Ah, yes. When Chanyeol had gotten bullied for his glasses and chubbiness before, and Baekhyun had stood in.

The difference is both of them were “losers” back then. Baekhyun had gotten beaten up along with Chanyeol (though he’d given as much fight back as his scrawny self could!), but now?

Now Chanyeol is no longer a loser, and with one word of his, can effectively stop the bullies―can stop this whole school if he wanted to―because everyone falls at his feet, now.

But Baekhyun is still―here. Still a loser with glasses too big on his face.

Chanyeol sighs, noticing the lack of response from the older, and opts to switch topics. “So… music sheets, huh? Will your club be performing at the Festival this Friday again?”

Baekhyun perks up at this, because talking about the Music Club will always make him happy. “Yes, we are. We’re going to do new songs in time for spring.”

“What time?”

“4PM in the Auditorium.”

“Sounds great! I’ll swing by to watch.”

Baekhyun widens his eyes. “Really?”

The other nods. “Last year my club was doing a haunted house and I got stuck playing the ghost all day, so I couldn’t really go around checking the other clubs’ booths. This year we brought in those basketball arcade games for people to shoot hoops at and score rewards, so there only needs to be two people max manning the booth at any time. I’ll arrange my shifts so that I’ll be free to watch your performance, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun blinks slowly. “You’ll make time in your schedule to watch me―I mean, us, the Music Club, performing?”

And Chanyeol grins, in that effortless and radiant way of his. “Yeah! I mean… Unless you don’t want me to―”

“No, I want you to!” Baekhyun shifts his foot, suddenly shy as he looks down. “If you want.”

“I do want.”

“Okay, well…” When Baekhyun looks up, Chanyeol still has a smile on his face, and Baekhyun can’t help it―his lips twitch into a tentative smile, too.

Suddenly, it feels as if they’re back in Elementary, in Middle school, where it was just them against the world, trading whispers and sharing secretive smiles.

“Good,” Baekhyun finishes.

“Good,” Chanyeol echoes.

Their quiet moment together breaks when there’s a call of “Chanyeol!”. Both of them snap their heads back to the group of basketball players waiting at the court.

“I’ll be right there!” Chanyeol shouts to them before turning back to Baekhyun. “I’ll see you then.”

The older nods. Before Chanyeol walks away, he blurts out, “I’ll try to put on a good performance for the Festival. Maybe even dance.”

The grin Chanyeol gives him before jogging back to his friends is dazzling.

 

✚

 

One week goes by in a flash. Before Jongin knows it, he’s already standing off to the side, watching as his classmates start setting up the tables and chairs inside their classroom.

Jongin himself is trying to adjust his cuff. He’s in a black sleek butler suit, like the other three boys in the class. Sehun himself is in the same outfit as them, only a pure white color instead. It resonates with his platinum pink hair and pale skin, making him glow even in the cheap lighting of the classroom.

When Sehun finishes straightening up and catches Jongin’s eyes, he walks over.

“You look hotter than I’d imagined in a butler suit, Jongin,” Sehun tells him, swaying on his feet. “I would totally hire you as my butler. We could live out one of those cheesy Korean dramas where the rich girl falls for her handsome, strict, but secretly caring butler.”

There is so much to digest in Sehun’s words Jongin doesn’t even know where to begin. Instead, he asks the first thing he’s caught on. “You imagined me in a butler suit?”

“Hell yeah,” Sehun says, unashamed. “When I looked at you in class that day when we were trying to decide what to do for the Festival. I wondered what I wanted to see you do.”

Jongin cocks an eyebrow. “Should you be fantasizing what guys other than your boyfriend do?”

“I did ask what you’d do if I break up with Zitao,” Sehun replies easily, eyes noticing the black silk tie still on the table behind them and grabbing it. “Let me tie this for you.”

Jongin holds his breath as Sehun steps closer, close enough that Jongin can feel every breath of Sehun’s softly hitting his skin, until the younger loops the tie around Jongin’s neck, tucking it neatly underneath the collar.

“What happened to you not liking being touched by me?” he murmurs, voice breathy.

“I never said I disliked being touched by you,” Sehun’s eyes are steady on the tie, working expertly like he’s done this many times before. “Just. I wasn’t feeling well back then. But I’m fine _now_. Don’t be hurt, okay? I didn’t mean it like that.”

Truthfully, Jongin had been a bit hurt when Sehun had reacted so violently to his simple touch before, so this―this eases his mind somewhat.

“You can touch me all you want,” Sehun continues. “Just don’t take me by surprise. And let me touch you back, too.”

Jongin sighs when the younger winks at him, feeling like they’re back to square one. “I almost prefer the you of that night,” he says unconsciously, because it’s true. Sehun of that night had been more… genuine. A bit less perfect, less confident, but much more _real_.

Jongin doesn’t want this―this fake saccharine act Sehun dons on in front of everyone. He wants―

So lost in his thoughts, Jongin hasn’t realized Sehun has stopped talking. Hasn’t responded to his confession. When his eyes try to search for Sehun’s again, Jongin realizes he can’t, because the other boy has his head down, bangs covering his eyes, fingers pausing at his tie, knuckles lingering on Jongin’s chest.

“Sehun…?”

At this, it’s like the younger jolts awake. With one last tug to perfect the tie’s position, he steps back. “All done,” he smiles.

“Ah, thank you…”

“I should go set up my kissing booth now.”

Jongin nods, still confused, not unlike the way he was that one night.

“Oh, and Jongin?”

“Hmn?”

Sehun lowers his gaze, long lashes fanning his cheeks as he says, “I don’t prefer the me of that night, sorry to disappoint you.”

With that, he walks away, and Jongin is left wondering if he had made a wrong move or not.

How can he, when he doesn’t know what the _right_ move to make is?

 

✚

 

All in all the day had been… decent. Working at the kissing booth isn’t as bad as everyone dreads it to be. Sehun finds amusement in the obviously shy virgins stuttering and fumbling to get a kiss from him, and he even got to kiss a few cute boys and girls in return.

In the downtime, he gets to watch Jongin parade around in a posh butler suit, the fabric stretching over his firm chest muscles and biceps every time he bends down to greet a customer or set a cup of coffee on the table.

So yeah. The view isn’t bad either.

It’s almost 3PM, a time of lull in business since most people had already eaten lunch and gone back to manning their respective booths, that a group of boys saunter into Sehun’s class.

He immediately brightens. “Chanyeol! What are you doing here?”

The other instantly makes a beeline for him as his group―all guys from the Basketball Club―looks around. “Wanted to see how you were doing, and be a good citizen and donate to charity, of course!”

Sehun gives a grin when the older hands him a roll of five fair tickets still attached to each other. “You’re such a kind soul, you fine citizen.”

Chanyeol barks out a laugh before Sehun tugs on his jersey and plants a big smooth on his lips, almost exaggeratedly but innocently like how a child would kiss his or her parents.

“Have you had lunch yet?” he asks when he pulls back.

Chanyeol shakes his head, dutifully shoving the tickets into Sehun’s jar. “No. Gonna get some burgers with the guys now. My shift just ended.”

“How lucky! You get to eat actual food while I’m stuck here… eating people…”

Chanyeol quirks an eyebrow. “I thought you would enjoy that.”

Sehun’s grin gets wider. “Who said I don’t? Anyway, shoo! You’re blocking away my potential customers.”

Chanyeol looks behind him to the mostly empty classroom. “There’s no one here but me and my team.”

Sehun pouts. “Whatever, go get your food! I’m sure someone would love to kiss me very soon!”

The other laughs, getting out of his seat. “Alright. I’ll see you later, Sehun.”

Sehun nods absentmindedly with a wave, looking through his jar. He wonders how many tickets he had collected today. It does look awfully full and there are still three more hours left before the day ends.

He figures no one new is going to come in awhile, and he might as well start counting now, when a slab of tickets is plopped down onto the table. “Is this booth still open?”

When Sehun’s eyes trail from the hand holding the tickets down on the table up the arm to a neck and finally a face, Sehun can’t help but gasp in surprise.

Because standing in front of him is one Kris Wu, captain of the Basketball Club, one of Chanyeol’s buds, and Zitao’s cousin himself.

Which is―strange. Kris is hot, everybody knows that. He’s tall with a sculpted face and a voice possibly even lower than Chanyeol’s. The only reason he might not get as much gossip around him as Chanyeol is purely because Kris gives off a much more intimidating aura, much less friendly, but Sehun thinks there is something dangerously sexy about that, too.

But none of that had mattered―Kris is hot, Sehun isn’t blind―but he had always been known to only date girls before, much like Chanyeol. Sehun had always thought Kris was straight, so what was the esteemed Basketball Captain of the school doing at Sehun’s kissing booth?

It must be shocking to everyone else, too, for when he glances behind Kris, literally everyone in the room is staring at them. Chanyeol is gaping at the back, and even cool, unaffected Jongin, while not displaying any outwardly shock, is quietly watching them, too.

“Is it?” the boy in question prompts at the lack of reaction from Sehun.

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Sehun looks back at the tickets. “You want to pay all _this_ …?” ‘This’ is a huge amount of tickets, rolls after rolls spiraling together. There must be at least thirty tickets in the pile!

Kris nods. “If Chanyeol’s measly five tickets get him a peck on the lips, I wonder what I can get with this?”

Sehun stares up at him, at the intense eyes reflecting back at him and how low and sultry the voice had sounded, and feel his lips slowly curl into a smirk.

“It is up to what the customer wants,” Sehun responds as Kris settles onto the chair.

“I think that depends on what the service is willing to _give_.”

Sehun’s smirk widens at the answer. “I think you will find that I aim to provide a very good service to my customers, Kris.”

“Okay then, I want _this_ ―” Kris curls fingers at the back of Sehun’s neck before drawing him in, their lips meeting effortlessly.

Sehun hasn’t actually given many open-mouthed kisses today, maybe a handful of students only, but who is he to deny _Kris_? When Sehun parts his lips for the older to slide his tongue in, he thinks that, yeah, Kris is a goddamn good kisser, and that large palm gentle at his neck feels nice, and Sehun _enjoys_ this.

So he makes out with Kris for god knows how long, uncaring of all the eyes watching them. Let them. Sehun doesn’t mind. Might even want to show it off a little.

When they part, Sehun is breathing heavily, eyes glossy and lips slick. The fingers glide through the skin of his neck in one, two beat before retracting.

“I’ll see you again soon, Sehun,” Kris murmurs before leaving his seat. Sehun nods jerkily, starting to dump the bazillion tickets into his jar.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Chanyeol’s face still in shock before grabbing Kris and hauling him out. Jongin, on the other hand, only lowers his gaze and goes back to cleaning the tables.

Sehun leans back onto his chair, a sense of _glee_ and thrill bubbling up from the pits of his stomach, and for a moment, he feels vindicated.

 

✚

 

“Dude, what the fuck?”

“What.” Kris jerks his arm away from Chanyeol, confused. They’re at an empty hallway outside.

“Why did you kiss Sehun!”

The other looks at him like he’s dumb. “Because it was a kissing booth.”

“I know, but it was _Sehun_ ’s kissing booth. Since when do you―”

Kris shrugs. “He’s _hot_ , okay. I started seeing him around a lot since he’s your friend and Zitao’s boyfriend and he was just there in the background in my peripheral vision all the damn time.”

“So you decided you want to kiss him?”

“Since you told me Sehun is running a kissing booth, yeah. Just wanted to try and see what it’s like.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “What happened to all your girl groupies.”

“I don’t know. I _think_ I’m straight, but man I would totally go gay for him. That was like, one of the hottest kiss of my life, and you know I’ve been around a lot.”

Kris then squints at him.

“I mean, I don’t know how _you_ can be so close to Sehun 24/7 like that and not want to do anything with him. I know you’re straight like me and only date girls, but man, _Sehun_ , there’s just this like. Sensual aura around him. He’s so hot, fuck―”

The older continues to ramble, and Chanyeol resists the urge to cut him off and say ‘I’m actually not straight’, because that isn’t something Kris, or anyone, really, needed to know. Instead, he says, “Dude, Sehun and I are friends.”

Kris shakes his head. “You don’t know what you’ve got, man.”

“All you want to do is fuck him. Sehun is dating your cousin, Kris!”

“And judging from his record, they’ll break up soon. Hasn’t it been two weeks?”

“If Sehun drops Zitao in two weeks, this means he’ll likely drop you in two weeks, too.”

Kris rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to like, get married to him or anything. I just want to try it out. Jesus, are you _jealous_ or something?”

Chanyeol huffs. “You’re such a fuckboy. And don’t―” Chanyeol points a finger at him, “say I am too. Shut up.”

Kris only laughs.

“Urg, whatever. I need to grab lunch before going to the Auditorium.” Chanyeol stalks past him. It’s when he’s about to go back inside that he notices someone standing by the dumpster, throwing a few bags in.

The dumpster is only a few steps away from where Kris and him were standing, which means this person had heard everything.

When the other turns to face him after he’s finished his job, Chanyeol finds himself staring at one familiar face.

“You guys could stand to talk a bit quieter, you know,” Jongin mumbles, face impassive.

Chanyeol grimaces. He had been too shock at what had transpired to thoroughly check if this hallway is as empty as it had seem. “Haha, yeah, I know… Uh, bye.”

“Wait.”

Chanyeol pauses, because it’s rare for Jongin to speak, let alone with him.

“Is what you were conversing with Kris true?”

“Huh?”

“Is Sehun going to break up with Zitao soon?” the younger clarifies.

Chanyeol scratches his head. “Most likely, yeah.”

“And then he’ll date… Kris?”

“Probably. Kris seems like Sehun’s type.”

“And you’re just… okay with this?”

Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “What?”

“Okay with just… letting Sehun float from person to person? He doesn’t even like them. This isn’t _healthy_ for him to do.”

Chanyeol sighs. “I know this―”

“Then why don’t you _stop_ him?” Jongin raises his voice, surprising Chanyeol. “You’re his closest friend, aren’t you―”

“Don’t you think I’m trying?” Chanyeol snaps, frustration rising up his chest all of a sudden. “I’m _trying_ , okay. Sehun is a damn mess, fuck―” He hadn’t meant to say that outloud. Taking a deep breath, he restarts, “Look, if you care for Sehun so much, why don’t you try getting closer to him? It might do him some good. I don’t mean to fuck him or anything, don’t be like Kris,” he warns. “But just. Be his friend.”

Jongin exhales. Stares at Chanyeol for a long moment, then says, “Okay.”

Chanyeol watches the younger walks away and sighs. “I need a drink for this.”

Too bad his school prohibits selling alcohol, of course. Fuck.

 

✚

 

Chanyeol ends up getting a sandwich, trying to avoid meeting the rest of his club at their arranged burger stall. After finishing, he deposits the wrappers into the trash can and stretches. It should be about time he heads to the Auditorium to catch the Music Club’s performance.

It’s when he’s hopping down the stairs that his phone rings. The familiar ringtone signals who it is.

“Hey, Sehun? You done with your shift?” Maybe Sehun would like to come watch with him on his break?

There’s no answer back.

Chanyeol walks a few steps before pausing. “Sehun?”

“Chanyeol…” the younger’s voice is breathy over the phone. “They―They came…”

“Who―” Chanyeol starts then stops, immediately deducing who they are.

“My… _parents_ …” the other tells him anyway. “They came to my class, I didn’t know they were going to! I didn’t invite them. They came and saw me doing this, and they were―My mom was berating me, saying, Kissing Booth? I thought you were better than this, Sehun. Don’t go around kissing strangers. Don’t be like those high school _sluts_ I see all the time in movies,” Sehun’s voice breaks off at this, choking. “What does she know? What the fuck would she _know_ ―”

“Are you still with them now?” Chanyeol asks in a panic.

“No… They went home…”

Chanyeol is about to be relieved when he finally notices how silence the other line is aside from Sehun’s voice. If he’s still in his classroom, there should be chatters about, right? “Sehun, Where are you?”

“I’m… locked in the old film studio.”

The place is long abandoned, and Chanyeol knows Sehun tends to go there when he needs to be alone.

“Can you… Chanyeol, can you come over, please?” Sehun asks in a small voice, and Chanyeol bites on his lip, looking at the time on his phone.

3:55PM. Five more minutes until the Music Club’s performance.

Sehun must have noticed the silence on Chanyeol’s end, for he quickly says, “It’s okay if you’re busy. Sorry, I’ll just―”

And suddenly, like confetti spilling out into the open sky, a flood of memories wash over him―

 

✚

 

_Chanyeol hiding himself in the alleyway between the old Sociology buildings no one comes around during lunch. Chanyeol pulling the grass off their roots, hands clammy and glasses askew on his nose in the summer heat._

_Of a young and unfamiliar voice calling out, “What are you doing in my spot?”_

_Chanyeol looks up, face equally young, cheeks still round and full of baby fat, fingers streaked with dirt. “Your spot?”_

_“Mnn. That’s my secret spot for when I want to be alone.”_

_Chanyeol grunts. “Well, I want to be alone, too.”_

_“Why? It’s lunchtime. You’re not going to eat with your friends?”_

_Chanyeol drops his head at this, eyes casted onto his dirty sneakers. “I only had one friend. But he doesn’t like me now. So I have no friends.”_

_The other hums before squatting down onto the ground with him. “So you’re alone?”_

_Chanyeol nods._

_“Well, I’m alone, too.”_

_“You are…?”_

_“Yes. Since we are both alone, do you want to be alone… together?” When the other turns to look at him, Chanyeol can’t fathom how such a pretty, bright-looking boy can be alone and have no friends like him. Chanyeol is a chubby nerd. This boy definitely does not look so._

_Chanyeol feels a little bit breathless when he says, “Okay…”_

_Then the boy smiles, eyes curving into twin crescents that light up his whole face, and offers a hand._

_Chanyeol takes his hand, lets himself be pulled up, emerging, and feels like he’s just been reborn from the ashes._

 

✚

 

Chanyeol gasps as he resurfaces from his memories, shouting, “Wait!” when Sehun is about to hang up. “Wait, I’ll come. Stay right there. I’ll come to you, Sehun.”

There’s a pause on the other line before Sehun whispers, “…Are you sure?”

Chanyeol’s already spinning around, heading in the opposite direction, away from the Auditorium, away from a part of his life he had locked and taken out and locked again and again, because that part had brought him nothing but pain.

So he answers, “Yes. For you, I’ll always come, Sehun.”

 

✚

 

Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s been more nervous in his life.

This is worse than when he was going to audition for a State Musical, just a small role, but he was already breaking out in hives.

This, though. This―With the thought of how Chanyeol will be watching him, for the first time in… years? Him singing, not the drunken karaoke he had sung back at Sehun’s blasted party a few weeks ago, but properly sing. To reveal his _passion_ for the world to see.

The most vulnerable parts of Baekhyun have always been while he’s singing.

So for Chanyeol to see this―to see Baekhyun bear his heart out as he’s about to perform this spring ballad, makes him nervous out of his mind.

But Baekhyun has always strived to be confident, even when he’s feeling anything but on the inside. So he strides out when it’s 4PM, a microphone in hand as his fellow clubmates take position behind him, stringing on their guitars.

He’d even prepared a dance song, after. Just a little bonus. Because, hey, he is pretty good at dancing, even if it’s not his expertise, and Chanyeol had wanted to see that, hadn’t he?

So Baekhyun had labored day and night this past week, rushing to practice for a dance he only had a week to prepare for―for this… surprise performance.

Nevertheless, Baekhyun can do this, because he’s confident―he’s good. He _knows_ he’s good. And when he looks out into the crowd, Chanyeol will see that, too. Will smile that wide but genuine smile of his, will cheer for Baekhyun―

But Chanyeol is nowhere to be found.

The crowd is decently full, but not super packed or anything, most students opting to visit the Festival booths instead of being in the Auditorium watching a play or music performance, so it’s not hard to search through the faces in the audience. Besides, Chanyeol is tall. He towers over 90% of the school. He’s loud, too. Always the loudest to cheer and clap for whoever’s he’s watching.

He’s always been earnest like that.

So Chanyeol’s _not here_. Baekhyun scans again and again over the mass of faces, wondering if he misses. He looks and looks until his two ballads are over and almost slips and lands wrongly on his ankle during the dance performance as his eyes still search the crowd.

He almost breaks his ankle trying to find Chanyeol.

Chanyeol who never came.

God, what a _fool_ he was.

Baekhyun finds Jongin backstage, the boy holding two cups of refreshment with a smile, one no doubt for Baekhyun.

“Hey, you did great out there. I knew you were in the Music Club but I didn’t think your voice would be so―Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun’s entire body is shaking and he’s trying to figure out why―Is he angry? Livid beyond words for how stupid he had been?

Yes.

Is he disappointed? Is he sad that he believed in Chanyeol and to have hope for the first time in years only to have that hope crashed all over the stage into invisible pieces of glass still scattered on the wooden floor?

Yes.

“Hey, Baekhyun, you okay―?” Jongin reaches a gentle hand out to touch at his shoulder, and Baekhyun just―

―breaks.

He falls forward onto Jongin’s chest and heaves, fists clenching to try to stop the sobs ripping out from his throat, but it refuses to cooperate, and he _hates_ ―

Baekhyun hates Chanyeol so much.

But more than anything, Baekhyun hates _himself_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did the chapter start out kinda light and cute and dissolved into this... i'm sorry. maybe i should tag chanhun and kaibaek too lol jOKES ~~except not really...~~
> 
> more hints and pasts and backgrounds are revealed! oh, the flashback is to reveal that sehun wasn't the reason baekyeol fell apart, like many had guessed! sehun came _after_ they fell apart.  
> at this point it looks like everyone is a bit messed up except for jongin stuck in the middle of it all, huh? poor boy ;;


	4. If I Ask (Will You?)

 

✚

 

“How are you feeling now?”

They’re in a empty corner backstage, and Baekhyun is nursing on the drink Jongin had brought him.

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

Jongin nods, leaning on the wall while watching him silently, and Baekhyun sighs. His eyes feel dry as fuck and he wonders if they’re rimmed red. God, he can’t believe he broke down like that, but at least it was in front of Jongin, whom Baekhyun feels won’t judge him no matter what.

“Sorry. About me being, y’know. It’s… stupid.” Baekhyun cards fingers through his hair, frustrated.

“It’s not stupid if it’s something that can affect you so much.”

Baekhyun widens his eyes at the words before lowering his gaze. “No, I guess not…” he murmurs. “I think all the stress was getting to me. You know how hard I’ve been practicing this past week when I added an additional dance performance for the Festival.”

The younger nods. “Yes. I know you were preparing for two ballads this whole month, and the dance performance was out of the blue.”

“It was… for someone,” he admits. “They told me they enjoyed seeing me dance, so I wanted to do something for them. They promised they’d come watch me, but… In the end, they didn’t come. No matter how hard I searched in the crowd. They didn’t come, and I felt like a fool. Like I told you, it’s stupid.”

Baekhyun lets out a bitter laugh as he drops his head backward to hit against the wall. He feels so stupid, god.

The other keeps silent for a moment before speaking. “Was it… Chanyeol?”

“Is it that obvious?”

Jongin shrugs. “He seems to be the only one whom can incite such strong emotions within you. You are normally very friendly and cheerful, Baekhyun. But with him, you’re… different.”

“Well, as you know, Chanyeol and I were childhood friends. Our mothers were―are―still best friends. We were so, so close with each other… But shortly before the summer of our last year of middle school, Chanyeol kept denying my invitations to hang out. Then his family went on an overseas trip for all of summer, and we stopped contacting each other.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes, remembering. “The first time I saw him again was on the first day of school of our last year. He was already in a group with Sehun and the other popular kids. He’d hit a growth spurt over the summer, towering over everyone now, and had gotten rid of his glasses to wear contacts instead. He’d even styled his hair up and wore trendy clothes instead of his usual hoodie and sweats. Yet I was… still me.” He laughs again, a light sound as he pushes his glasses up his nose. “We stopped talking after that. I understood he was too cool to talk and be seen around me, now.”

Jongin pushes himself off the wall, frowning. “But from what I’ve seen of your interactions so far, it seems Chanyeol still wants to talk to you.”

“Ha! He’s just messing with me. Probably gets kicks out of talking to the school nerd. I don’t know what he wants, and I… I don’t know what happened between us.”

Because Baekhyun really doesn’t. He had thought Chanyeol was not the type to care about being popular, to the point of abandoning his only close friend to hang out with the same type of kids who used to bully him before. And how the fuck did Chanyeol come to know Sehun? As far as he remembers, they have never interacted with each other prior. Then after one summer, he came back all best buds with Sehun, the school’s most adored sweetheart?

Baekhyun sucks in a breath, feeling the same tiredness he always feels when he ponders about this. “I think I’m gonna go home. It’s been a long day.”

The other nods. “I’ll go home too after I help my class clean up.”

“Sounds good. I’m gonna go take off my makeup and wash my face before leaving. See you, Jongin. And… thank you, for being here.”

“Baekhyun, you were literally the only person there for me when I transferred to this school. We might only know each other for a month, but I consider you one of my closest friends already. So, there is no need to thank me for doing what I did.”

Baekhyun smiles, grateful, and nods. “You’re a good guy, Jongin,” he says, squeezing his shoulder. “Anyone will be lucky to have you as their boyfriend in the future.”

The younger barks out a laugh. “I don’t know about that. I just hope I’m good for _them_ ,” he replies before leaving.

Baekhyun exhales, almost dreading tomorrow to come.

 

✚

 

Jongin is on his way to his classroom when he sees them―Chanyeol and Sehun, standing next to a tree quietly conversing with each other.

Normally, Jongin isn’t the type to start confrontations, isn’t easily provoked. But seeing Baekhyun, someone he considers precious to him, broke down and cried because of someone else… Jongin feels _angry_ for his friend’s sake. His steps pause and he narrows his eyes at the offender.

Chanyeol eventually notices him and blinks. Sehun follows his gaze and looks up, too.

“Hey… Is something wrong?” Chanyeol asks, confused, at the icy look thrown at him.

Jongin exhales, sweeping back the hair that had fallen into his eyes. “I normally try to stay out of other people’s business, but… If you had made a promise with someone and had to break it for whatever reason, don’t you think you should at least let that person know? So they won’t feel so betrayed?”

“A promise? What…”

“Didn’t you promise a certain someone you’d watch him perform at the Festival today, Chanyeol?”

The older boy widens his eyes in realization. “Oh, Baekhyun. I―I had… I had something to do. That was my bad.”

“That’s all you can say? Your bad? That’s it?”

“I really didn’t―”

“Wait,” Sehun cuts in, snapping his head up at Chanyeol. “Was that why you hesitated on the phone? Because you had promised Baekhyun to watch his performance… but instead you came to meet _me_?”

_Oh._

Of fucking course.

Chanyeol had broken his promise with Baekhyun for _Sehun_ ’s sake. He shouldn’t be surprised by this, at this point.

Baekhyun had told Jongin the two had some sort of strange symbiosis relationship going on, and while Jongin hadn’t put much stock into his words before, now he is starting to.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Chanyeol,” Sehun is still saying. “I know how much you were looking forward to it―”

“I couldn’t just leave you alone when you were―” He clamps his mouth shut as he glances at Jongin, and Jongin feels… excluded. Like he’s an outsider. Like Chanyeol and Sehun have this thing going on and Jongin isn’t in it, and he feels―

Sehun spares a glance at Jongin too before dropping his head.

And that… confuses Jongin. It’s only then that he notices, in his anger at Chanyeol, Jongin hadn’t really paid attention to Sehun. It is only now that he notices the younger boy hasn’t… really spoken. Hadn’t said hi to Jongin with that easygoing smile of his. Had been so quiet and subdued until he found out about the promise.

Even now, the other has his eyes set on the ground, a hand clutching onto Chanyeol’s arm tightly not unlike the way he had once clutched onto the chains of a swing, and Jongin realizes with a start the Sehun right now is so very similar to the Sehun Jongin had found in the park that one night.

Chanyeol sighs, carding fingers through his hair with his free hand, and says, “I’ll go apologize to Baekhyun tomorrow.” Then he gives a small smile to Jongin. “Thank you for being a good friend to Baekhyun and looking out for his well-being, Jongin.”

Jongin grunts. “It’s the least I can do.”

Chanyeol’s smile gets brighter. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” He glances at Sehun, patting him on the arm. “Now come on. I’ll drive you home, Sehun.”

“You’re going home now? What about clean-up duty?” Jongin blurts out. He hasn’t mean to call Sehun out for it, but it was the first thing he can think of to stay Sehun’s feet.

Sehun slides his eyes to Jongin, and Jongin prays to god he isn’t hallucinating, because even through the steadily setting sun, making the sky and everything around them dim in orange and violet, and he can’t see Sehun as well as he’d like to―his eyes… they look _red_.

Red-rimmed just like how Baekhyun’s eyes had looked, moments earlier, after he had finished crying his eyes out.

Does this mean… Sehun had been _crying_? But why? What happened?

Before he can contemplate further, Sehun speaks, pasting on that sarccharrine smile Jongin’s come to hate. “I think I did my share making us the most money via the Kissing Booth, so I hope our class will forgive me for skipping cleaning duty. You’ll help do my part for me, won’t you?”

“H―Huh? Sure, but―”

“Jongin, just let him go,” Chanyeol interrupts with a firm expression. “If you really need an extra hand, I’ll come back to school to help with the clean-up after I drive Sehun home.”

Jongin shrinks back, feeling bad. He hadn’t meant to nag Sehun on his cleaning duty. He was just trying to find an excuse for Sehun to not leave, because Sehun is looking like―like this.

“No, it’s fine. Go. I’ll explain to the guys and cover your part, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Jongin,” Sehun gives him one last smile before walking away with Chanyeol. Jongin watches them go, his chest aching for some reason.

The first thing Jongin does when he gets back is talk to one of his classmates. “Hey, you had the shift when I went out to get lunch, right?”

Jongin did not share shifts with Sehun, so when he went on his break, Sehun was still working at the Kissing Booth. After he had lunch, he had went to the Auditorium right away, which apparently was the time Sehun had called Chanyeol after… whatever that had happened, so it must be within those thirty minutes while Jongin had been eating outside.

“Huh? Yeah.”

“Did anything… special happened while I was getting lunch? The Cafe was still open, right? And Sehun’s Kissing Booth, too.”

“Hmn… I don’t think so? We entertained a few girls that came from other classes, and more people lined up at the Kissing Booth, as usual… Oh! Sehun’s parents came! They only stayed for around ten minutes, though. After that Sehun said he was hungry and went on break, too.”

Is this… it?

Is the answer to his question… Sehun’s parents?

Had talking to his parents upset the other boy somehow?

But why? Wasn’t a picture of him and his parents one of the only two personal belongings in Sehun’s room? So doesn’t this mean he treasure his parents a lot?

“Do you… know what they talked about?”

“Nah. I was busy taking orders for the customer. They sure dressed very high-class, though! I mean, I know we’re all rich kids in this school, but Sehun’s parents just have this… aura around them, you know? Like Sehun himself, actually. I heard his dad is a doctor! And his mom is very beautiful, like a female version of Sehun haha.”

Jongin nods, tuning him out. He still has no idea what happened this afternoon, and he’s feeling frustrated.

 

✚

 

It’s been hours since he’s gotten home, and the sky is dark by now, but Jongin can’t stay still. He wants to know what happened to Sehun this afternoon that had caused a cascade of dominoes falling one by one that had ended up making Chanyeol ignore his promise, to Baekhyun being dejected over it, to Sehun with his rare somber expression, to Jongin, here, lying on his bed and mind running a mile a minute.

Jongin huffs, getting out of bed. Maybe he should check on Baekhyun, to see if his friend’s feeling better now. Maybe to play some video games to take both their minds off of things? He’s literally next door, anyway.

Throwing on a jacket, Jongin climbs down the stairs and walks out of his house only to stop in his track.

For at this distance, he can see Baekhyun standing at his porch, a hand lingering on the doorknob as he’s conversing with someone.

A certain someone that refuses to leave his mind all day.

“You have ten minutes before I close this door,” Baekhyun is saying.

“Don’t be immature.” Even though Sehun’s back is to Jongin at this angle, he can picture the younger rolling his eyes perfectly in his head. “It’s not like I want to be here, either.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because… I want to tell you that what happened wasn’t Chanyeol’s fault.”

“‘Not Chanyeol’s fault’―”

“It’s my fault, okay,” Sehun huffs out with finality. “I was the one who called him, asked him to come to me. He didn’t want to break the promise, he―”

“First of all,” Baekhyun speaks up, voice hard like he’s trying to hold back a snarl. “Chanyeol is not a child that needs to follow your every command. So if he went to you, it means he _chose_ to go to you. It was his choice to break the promise.”

“Yes, but―”

“He chose you over me, and I totally get that. You guys are best buds, or whatever. But I just wish―that he wouldn’t be so careless with other people’s feelings. Like he can just stand there and discard what I feel―”

“What you feel―”

“Yes!” Baekhyun exclaims, like he’s had enough. “The feeling of betrayal. It wasn’t just today, but back when―” At this, the boy clamps his mouth shut, but Jongin can guess what he had wanted to say.

‘ _Back when Chanyeol and I were the best friends, and he left me for you, like today._ ’

There’s a long, suffocating moment of silence when neither of the two, who had been arguing so loudly, speak. Finally, Sehun opens his mouth.

“What makes you think,” he begins, voice a whisper that Jongin almost can’t hear him, “that you haven’t hurt Chanyeol?”

“Huh?”

“You stand here and talk about feeling betrayed, like you were wrong, like Chanyeol had hurt you, today and back then, but what makes you think―” Sehun raises his voice, and Jongin swears this is the first time he’s heard the other boy sound so furious, so impassioned. “What makes you think _you_ didn’t hurt Chanyeol too? That maybe it was _you_ who drove him away? Stop playing the victim!”

“I―” It’s clear Baekhyun is astonished over this, and he stumbles for what to say for a second. “What do you mean, I hurt Chanyeol? What did I do?”

Sehun sniffs, taking a step back like he regrets that he’s said too much. “Why should I tell you? What you did wrong is no business of mine.”

“You―” Baekhyun gapes before throwing his hands up and letting out a frustrated yell. “Never mind! This is why I hate talking to you!”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Glad you agreed. Your ten minute’s up. Bye.”

The older boy then proceeds to go inside and slams the door in Sehun’s face. Sehun scoffs before turning around and walking away, which is when he notices Jongin standing just next door.

The younger looks surprised before smirking. “I didn’t peg you for an eavesdropper, Jongin.”

Jongin scratches his head. “I didn't mean to. I was going to visit Baekhyun and ask if he wants to hang out, but I caught you guys at a bad time…”

“Hmn, yeah.” Sehun skips over, steps airy. “Doesn’t look like Baekhyun is in the mood to hang out.”

“Yeah.”

“I, on the other hand, though…”

“What?”

Sehun’s eyes sweep over his driveway, lingering right on where his motorcycle is parked. “I’m up to us hanging out if you take me on a drive, Jongin.”

Jongin stares at Sehun, thinks of all the ways this can go wrong, yet finds it hard to refuse, especially when he’s still so curious on what had happened today.

So he says, “Alright.”

 

✚

 

Sehun’s arms are wrapped around Jongin’s waist. Contrary to belief, Sehun isn’t trying to be overly touchy like the older had expected him to. His touch is light, almost phantom, and he isn’t saying much, simply gazing out onto the streets as they drive by, occasionally giving Jongin directions.

They stop at the Santa Monica beach, but far away enough from the main city where the attractions are, that it’s quiet here. Jongin can make out a few couples taking a stroll and conversing with each other, but there are no bright flashing neon lights nor busy restaurants and bars with drunk customers stumbling about.

“I like to go here when I want some time to myself,” Sehun reveals as he walks towards the ocean while Jongin parks his bike on the grass. “But sadly this is too far to walk on foot, so I don’t go here very often. Maybe I should learn how to drive.”

“Is this why you were at the park that one night then? Because it was closer?” Jongin asks, following after Sehun.

Sehun only gives him a smile before sitting down onto the sand and gesturing for the older to do the same. “I feel like… You always catch me at a bad time, Jongin.”

“Bad?”

The other nods. “Yes. Like that night at the park. Or tonight. Or even the first night you moved in.”

“Why are those times bad?”

“Because, I told you. I don’t like the me of those times. Though you seem to.”

“It’s not like I want to see you in a bad time, it’s just…” Jongin stares up at the nightsky, trying to phrase his words. “You seem more real, this way. Like right now. I don’t… want you to have to fake an act around me.” _I don’t want you to act towards me, the same as you act towards everyone else_ , is what Jongin wants to say.

Sehun keeps his eyes on him, curling his legs up to rest a cheek on his knee, facing Jongin. “But why? Why does it matter to you if I fake an act? Does it matter as long as I’m still nice and friendly to you?”

“But it’s not the _real_ you, I feel.” Jongin thinks of his conversation with Chanyeol earlier this afternoon. Thinks of Sehun smiling a smile that isn’t sincere, flirting with everyone with no purpose. He thinks of the almost _vulnerable_ Sehun he had seen at the park, and today, hiding himself behind Chanyeol’s big frame.

“And it matters to me because… I care. I want to be your friend, Sehun. Someone for you to talk to and be yourself around, if you want.”

It’s obviously not the answer Sehun was expecting, for his eyes widen. Their eyes lock onto each other’s for a long moment before Sehun starts giggling.

“Please don’t laugh it off again,” Jongin says, panicking because―Not again. Anytime he tries to get close to Sehun, the younger always brushes him away with frivolous words. “If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. But don’t―don’t change the subject. I hate that.”

“Hmn…” Sehun hums, lifting his head up. “So you want to be my… friend.”

“Yes.”

“But… What if I don’t want to be your friend?”

Jongin winces. “Well, then I guess that’s that.”

“Jongin, what if I don’t want to be _just_ your friend?”

This time, it’s Jongin’s turn to widen his eyes when Sehun shifts minusculely closer. “W―What?”

“Jongin, tell me…” Sehun starts, voice a low murmur. “Am I attractive to you?”

“You’re asking if you’re attractive? I think you know well what the answer is.”

At this, the younger chuckles. “I guess I do. But… Sometimes that’s not a good thing.”

“It’s not?”

“Sometimes, I wish I was ugly.”

Jongin frowns. “Why would you wish that?”

“Because… Then, maybe people would notice me less.”

“I thought that you like the attention.”

“I guess I do, but not… all the time. Not at certain times,” he says vaguely, making Jongin more confused.

“Anyway,” Sehun continues before Jongin can ponder further. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“I did.”

“No, you asked the question back to me. You never explicitly said if I was attractive or not.”

Jongin sighs. “Yes, you’re very attractive. What does it matter?”

“Then why didn’t you visit my Kissing Booth today?”

“We’re in the same class!”

“So? Other classmates visited my booth during their breaks. But you… You went off on your own. Leaving me alone in class. If you had stayed, maybe then…” Sehun trails off.

“Maybe then… what?”

The younger shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Maybe, what?”

“Maybe nothing would change, still.”

“What do you mean?”

Sehun shrugs. “Would you stay, then? If I had asked you.”

Jongin’s heart is pounding in his chest as he looks into Sehun’s eyes, black glimmering gold under the starlights. “You wanted me to stay… for you?”

A nod.

“Then… yeah. I would stay.”

Sehun leans closer, and Jongin can feel their shoulders brushing when he asks, “Would you kiss me, then?”

“I…” There’s an alarm blaring inside Jongin’s ears.

“If I had asked, would you kiss me?” Sehun continues. “Will you kiss me, _now_?”

“Sehun―” Jongin breathes as Sehun’s face gets closer and closer, until he can see himself reflecting inside the boy’s orbs.

“Kiss me, Jongin,” Sehun whispers before sealing their lips together.

Sehun is kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sekai finally kissed!! after like, 18k words lol. but will jongin kiss him back or push him away? 🤔  
>  no, i didn't show the scene where chanyeol came to sehun on purpose, cuz that'd be revealing too much lol. but there are more hints on baekyeol's past (apparently it wasn't all chanyeol's fault like baek had believed 😦) and even sehun's thoughts a little!  
>  ~~btw i saw all of y'all going "chanhun uwu" last chapter lol #icu 👀~~


	5. This I'll Never Break

✚

 

Their lips meet in the softest of brush. Sehun isn’t pushing, and Jongin stills for a few seconds before slowly pulling away.

Sehun only drops his head down with a quiet laugh at his reaction. “I knew you would do that.”

“Sehun,” Jongin sighs, rubbing a hand through his face in mild frustration. “I’m not like those guys who instantly wants to date you because of how attractive you are.”

“I know that.”

“So then, what? You kissed me because you see that I’m a challenge and you wanted to change my mind?”

“I do think that you’re a challenge, and you intrigue me because of that. Oh, don’t be angry,” Sehun adds upon seeing the frown on Jongin’s face. “Remember when I told you you’re a nice guy? That the world would be a much better place if there were more boys like you around?”

“That is why I told you I’d like to get to know you more. Be your friend.”

Sehun tilts his head slightly, looking up at him from underneath his platinum locks and thick eyelashes, and god, he looks goddamn _ethereal_  glowing underneath the moonlight like this. Jongin understands why Zitao and Kris were so taken by him.

But Jongin doesn’t want to be like those guys. Doesn’t want to be just another notch on Sehun’s bedpost. Another guy Sehun will date and dump in a few weeks.

“You really, really want to be my friend?”

“Yes. And not―not like those guys and girls you hang out with at school all the time. Because I can see even from a distance that you always paste on that sweetly nonchalant smile when you’re with them, too.”

Now that Jongin thinks about it, Sehun acts that way with just about everyone. Whether it be the guys that flirt with him, or the group of friends who trail after his every step.

“Then how do you want me to be?”

“Just like this,” Jongin finalizes. “Talk to me like this. Without faking it. Be with me like how you are when you’re with―”

― _Chanyeol_ , Jongin realizes with a start.

Oh, _no_.

“When I’m with what?”

“Just. Be yourself,” Jongin corrects quickly. That was too close.

God, is Jongin becoming _jealous_? When he barely knew Sehun for a month?

“You want me to be myself… Without faking a friendly act… around you…” Sehun repeats softly, like he’s mulling over the words.

“Yes,” Jongin nods. “And if you need something, you can ask me. Like how―how you wanted to ask me to stay before.”

“You’re such a sweet guy, Jongin.”

Jongin grunts. “Don’t say things you’re just saying for the sake of it.”

“But I’m not. I meant it,” Sehun tells him, face devoid of that smile he usually puts on when he’s complimenting someone frivolously, like the times when he kept saying Jongin is “hot”.

Jongin locks eyes with Sehun for a long moment as the ocean breeze sweeps by them, fluttering both of their hair.

“If you had meant it,” Jongin finally speaks. “Then yeah. I told you I’d like to be a nice guy in your life for you.”

Sehun lowers his gaze, eyelashes trembling against his cheekbones, and says, “Okay. You can try.”

Jongin forces down an exhale of relief stuck in his throat. “And the first thing I’m going to say as a friend, is… You should… stop selling yourself short and be with just anyone who ask you out.”

“Ah, you told me something similar before.”

“I did. And I meant it then, too. You should go out with someone you have feelings for. You should…” Jongin’s breath hitches at this. “You should only kiss someone you actually love.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Jongin is starting to wonder if he’s maybe overstepped his boundaries when the younger speaks up, voice a low murmur, barely heard through the silence of the night.

“I’ll think about it.”

And honestly? Jongin couldn’t have asked for more than that.

 

✚

 

Baekhyun had expected this the next day. He really had. That doesn’t help stave off the nervous feeling rising in his chest when he spots Chanyeol leaning on the opposite wall in the hallway when he comes out from the Music Club, though.

“You guys just performed, and already practicing the next day? Talk about dedication,” he says as greeting.

Baekhyun gives him an unimpressed look.

The other sighs. “Can we talk for a moment?”

Baekhyun holds back a sigh himself and leads him to an empty classroom nearby. He leans against a wall with arms crossed while Chanyeol drags his fingers against a desk aimlessly as silence settles between them.

“So… talk,” Baekhyun prompts.

Chanyeol’s gaze lingers on the desk a second more before looking up to meet his. “I want to apologize for not being able to go watch you perform yesterday, Baekhyun.”

Yeah, Baekhyun expects this.

“I had really wanted to, trust me. But something came up, and I really couldn’t…”

“That something being… Sehun?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise. “How did you know? Ah, did Jongin tell you?”

Jongin hadn’t, probably to spare Baekhyun more heartbreak, but whatever. He had heard from the cause himself, anyway.

“Doesn’t matter how I know. What matters is what did happen.”

Another sigh, heavier. “Yes, it was a last minute thing. I was actually already in the Auditorium when I got a call from Sehun. It was an emergency. I had to leave.”

“What was the emergency? Was he hurt?” Because Sehun looked fine to him last night when he barged onto Baekhyun’s doorstep.

“No, not hurt. Not… not the way you think, at least. It was just… He needed me.”

“So Sehun suddenly decides he needs you, and that means you can abandon everything you had planned to do and promised, just to be with him.”

Chanyeol cringes. “It sounds bad when you put it that way, but…”

“Because it does sound bad.”

The younger makes a frustrated noise, carding fingers through his hair. “Look, I’m sorry. I truly did not want to let you down. I was really looking forward to seeing your performance, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun slumps against the wall, biting back the words, _I was really looking forward to showing you my performance too, you jerk. I even prepared a dance solo for you._

Instead, he says something that’s been bothering him since last night. “What exactly happened?”

“Huh?”

“Forget about this Festival thing. Let’s go back to a long time ago. Say, back to the summer before our last year of middle school.”

Chanyeol gapes at him, clearly not expecting this change of topic.

“You went on an overseas trip with your parents all summer. Then when you came back, you… changed.”

“I… I did.”

“So what happened?”

“Nothing. I just lost weight while on the trip and got contacts.”

“I don’t mean your physical appearance.” Although that was a big reason why Chanyeol started hanging out with the popular kids, because he’s goodlooking now. “I meant―” _us_ , he wants to say. “Did I…” God, he can’t believe he’s taking Sehun’s words at face-value. “Did I do something wrong?”

Chanyeol looks panicked over this, face paling. “What do you mean?”

“The summer before our last year of high school. Did I do something wrong and that was why you had denied all my calls?”

“I wasn’t denying them,” Chanyeol gasps. “I was just busy getting ready for the trip―”

Bullshit. Chanyeol had rejected his invitations to hang out a month before school ended. It doesn’t take a month to prepare for a trip. Not to the point of ignoring his best friend, anyhow.

“Why are you suddenly talking about this? What brought this on?”

“Because you ignored me for almost five months and came back acting like I didn’t exist? And apparently it was _me_ who had hurt you?” Baekhyun bites out.

“You… hurt me? How did―” Chanyeol is clumsy and airheaded, but can be surprisingly sharp about things when he wants to be. “Did Sehun come talk to you? Is that why you knew he was the reason I couldn’t come yesterday?”

“We’re not talking about Sehun!” Baekhyun snaps. “Or maybe… we actually are, because ever since he came into your life, you changed!”

Chanyeol frowns for the first time in this conversation upon hearing the older’s words.

“What _happened_ to you?” Baekhyun continues, still passionate, still too many feelings bottled up with nowhere to go. “You weren’t like this before. You weren’t a playboy who fucks any girls who sizzle up to you with their big boobs. You didn’t stay out partying until morning! Ever since you met Sehun you changed for the worse, and suddenly he has the nerve to tell me it was I who pushed you away because apparently I had hurt you? What did I―”

“You have no right,” Chanyeol cuts in, voice eerily calm but chilling, “to decide whether I’ve changed for the worse or not. Do you ever think that I could be _happy_ , right now, where I’m at?”

“Yeah, because you’re popular now, no longer a loser like me―”

“No! I don’t care about any of that! I meant… I feel _good_ about myself, now. I used to be so insecure. I used to hate myself. You know that too. I hated how I was picked on, thinking there was something wrong with me. But there wasn’t. I just needed confidence in myself. And I gained it. I am no longer _ashamed_ of myself, and do you know why? It’s thanks to Sehun.”

“ _Sehun_ ―” Baekhyun spits out.

“Yes, Sehun. He taught me there is no reason to hide who you really are. That you can be yourself in front of other people, as long as you start believing in yourself first. Sehun changed me, and for the better. Not worse.”

“What, and you can’t―you can’t be yourself around _me_?”

At this, Chanyeol only gives him a sad look, and―and Baekhyun is so damn _confused_. It’s like they’re talking about two different things, it’s like Baekhyun is missing something vital. Something that is the cause of the reason why they’re no longer friends.

“And I told you already, don’t speak badly about Sehun. He means a lot to me, and I won’t let you stand here and pour all the blame on him when he did nothing wrong.”

“He did nothing wrong―” Baekhyun repeats in disbelief. Not again. This conversation is going in a circle. It always goes back to Sehun, and how Sehun stole Chanyeol away from him, yet Chanyeol kept defending him every step of the way.

“So what did I…” Baekhyun lets out, tired. “What exactly did I do wrong?”

“Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong,” Chanyeol murmurs. “Not really. It was I who―who feel like I couldn’t be myself around you. That was why we fell apart.”

“I see…” Baekhyun drops his head, squeezing his eyes shut, because… He’s still confused, but he’s also so damn _exhausted_. Maybe Baekhyun couldn’t give Chanyeol the comfort and ease that he can find with Sehun.

Maybe Baekhyun was the stupid one for feeling like Chanyeol is his _soulmate_ and that nobody else had ever matched as well with him than as he had been with Chanyeol.

Maybe Chanyeol didn’t feel the same way back, and Baekhyun is only realizing this bitter truth now.

“Well, I’m… I’m sorry, that I couldn’t be someone you could be yourself with,” Baekhyun finally says. “It’s late. I’m going home.”

Baekhyun leaves before Chanyeol has a chance to say anything back, the door swinging shut with a final click, closing another chapter of his life.

 

✚

 

Sehun is in the kitchen, rummaging through the refrigerator for some ice cream as his mom snaps on her earrings, purse ready nearby in the living room.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me to the charity function, dear?” she’s talking to his dad sitting on the couch watching the news. “Who am I going to dance with?”

“I’m sure a pretty lady such as yourself will have no problems finding a partner,” the man laughs. “Sorry, Minju. The shift today at the hospital was rough. I had to do two surgeries in a row. I can still see white lights in the back of my eyelids. I don’t think I can handle a party right now.”

His mom sighs. “Alright. I guess you can stay home with Sehun since he isn’t going with me, either.”

Sehun gives a smile. “Sorry, mom. Maybe next time. I’m still wrung out from the Festival.”

“Yes, next time! Have fun at home then, you two. And dear, make sure Sehun isn’t out partying til midnight.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s home tonight.”

Sehun drops his gaze onto the counter as his mom grabs her purse and starts heading out. She has a hand at the doorknob when the doorbell chimes.

To say Sehun is surprised when his mom opens the door to reveal Chanyeol is an understatement.

“Oh, hello Chanyeol. I didn’t know you’d be coming.”

Sehun didn’t, either. Chanyeol only gives a sweet, polite smile, bowing at the woman before greeting, “Good evening, ma’am. I’m here to pick Sehun up.”

“You’re going out tonight?” his mom asks, turning to Sehun who had hurried to the door.

“I―”

“Do not worry, it’s not a party, I promise you,” Chanyeol interrupts. “It’s just Sehun has been struggling in Maths lately, and I know he has an exam later this week, so I thought I’d tutor him.”

“You can tutor him in this house, then,” his dad speaks up.

“I would love to, but I think Sehun hasn’t gotten a graphic calculator yet, and I have one at my home he can use. I didn’t think to bring it here with me, sir.”

His dad makes a grunt of assent and says, “Alright. Don’t be home too late, then.”

“Actually,” Chanyeol starts, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. “I was wondering if Sehun can stay over at my place tonight. My mom made dinner and had asked if Sehun would like to join us and invite him over for the night, since it’s been awhile.”

“You’re going to be gone the whole night then, Sehun?” his dad asks, and Sehun slides his eyes from Chanyeol to him.

“I… Can I?” Sehun mumbles.

“I don’t see the problem, Chanyeol’s always been a good friend to Sehun. And the Parks are a good family.”

Chanyeol beams. “Thank you, ma’am!”

“As long as you’re not out partying and is actually staying over at Chanyeol’s house, I think it’s fine.”

“I won’t!” Sehun hurriedly agrees.

“I’m sure you’ll be lonely in this house by yourself tonight, dear,” his mom turns to his dad. “But I’ll try to be back early, okay?”

His dad shifts his gaze from Sehun to his wife, and nods. “Alright. Have fun, Sehun.”

“Yes. Thank you, dad, mom.” Sehun runs up to his room to grab his backpack before quickly following Chanyeol out, resisting the urge to hold onto the older boy’s hand and heart pounding in his chest until he is finally seated inside Chanyeol’s familiar car. It’s only then that he exhales, feeling like he can breathe again.

“I… I didn’t expect you to come,” Sehun says as the older starts driving away from Sehun’s house.

“I only heard from my mom that my aunt was going to the same charity function as your mom tonight by coincidence when I was helping her with some chores,” Chanyeol gives him a sideglance, frowning. “Why didn’t you tell me, Sehun?”

Sehun curls into his seat, gaze at his lap. “I didn’t think it matters…”

“It matters!” the other protests. “After what happened yesterday… I can only imagine what you’ll have to do today… Sehun―”

“I told you, this is something I chose to do,” Sehun cuts him off, sighing.

“Oh yeah? Is that why you ran off like a deer just freed from a trap as soon as I asked you to come with me? You’re obviously not okay with this.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m okay with this or not,” Sehun tells him. “This is something I have to do.”

“Sehun―”

“But thank you,” Sehun says firmly. “Thank you for coming tonight. After everything that’s happened lately… I don’t think I can handle that just yet. So thank you for delaying it for me.”

Chanyeol makes a noise of frustration, and Sehun knows the older wants to argue more. Wants Sehun to change his mind. They’ve had this same conversation for a year now.

It’s not going to change. Sehun can’t _let_ it change.

This is something he’s chosen to do.

It doesn’t stop the utter relief Sehun feels when he steps into Chanyeol’s warm house, warm family all welcoming him. They have dinner and Chanyeol’s mom keep pushing meat into Sehun’s plate because she feels he is too skinny and needs to eat more, and Sehun smiles genuinely as he chatters with them during the meal.

Distantly, he remembers how his own family was like this, so many, many long forgotten years ago.

The Park house has several guest rooms, but Sehun doesn’t want them. Mrs. Park knows, for she had set up a spare futon next to the bed in Chanyeol’s room, but both of the boys know that futon won’t be used, either.

It’s half an hour to midnight when they settled onto Chanyeol’s spacious bed, Sehun close to the wall and Chanyeol on the outer side, like a protective barrier.

The older is making notes on basketball formations, probably for their next game seeing as he’s Vice-Captain of the Club, and Sehun is absentmindedly scrolling through his phone, occasionally sneaking peeks at the concentrated look on Chanyeol’s face.

There’s a comforting silence inside the room before Sehun breaks it, with a hesitating tone. “I broke up with Zitao at school today.”

“Did you.” Chanyeol doesn’t sound surprise.

“And I… I don’t think I’ll date Kris. Even though I know he’s interested.”

At this, the older is surprised, snapping his head towards him with wide eyes. “You’re not?”

“No, not anytime soon. I think I’ll… stop dating for the time being. At least not with the guys who obviously just want an easy fuck.”

Chanyeol winces at this. “I don’t think they date you because you’re an easy fuck. Both Kris and Zitao and many of your exes were popular, goodlooking dudes who have no problems finding a willing partner. I think they truly are like… starstruck? About you. Kris said he would go gay for you, man.”

Sehun laughs. “Well, I’m flattered. So I’ll let him keep his ‘straightness’ for the time being. Once he finds out anal sex feels way better than straight sex, especially with me, there’d be no going back for him.”

Chanyeol laughs, too. “You arrogant brat!” Then his face turns serious. “Not that I’m not happy about this, because god knows I’ve been trying to tell you to stop for a long time, but… What brought this on?”

“Mnn…” Sehun hums. “Jongin told me I should kiss―and date―someone I actually have feelings for.”

Chanyeol quirks an eyebrow. “Did you try to kiss him?”

“Yes, but he turned me down,” Sehun chuckles lightly. “I expected that, though.”

“Do you like Jongin?”

“I find him interesting, and of course, he’s hot as hell.”

“I think he’d be good for you,” Chanyeol tells him sincerely. “He seems like a good guy. A good friend to Baekhyun. He was worried about you, too.”

“Jongin _is_ a good guy, and that’s why I don’t… I don’t want to taint him, or whatever.”

“Sehun,” Chanyeol fully turns around to properly face him at this, two hands firm on his shoulders. “Look at me. You―listen to me. Sehun, you are _not dirty_. You never were, you never _are_. You are not going to taint him.”

“But I ruin everyone I love,” Sehun whispers, eyes dropping down.

“Sehun, what happened back then was not your fault!” Chanyeol exclaims, immediately knowing what Sehun is talking about―what happened that still haunts him to this day. “You were a kid, it was an accident―”

“I was selfish, I shouldn’t have asked them to go out that night―”

“Sehun, you couldn’t have known―”

“And now you,” he continues. “I ruined your relationship with Baekhyun―”

“My relationship with Baekhyun was already shattered before you came into my life,” Chanyeol points out, frustrated. “In fact, if I hadn’t met you that day, I don’t know what I would’ve become. Probably a bitter, fat kid who eats out his feelings and has no friends―”

“You would’ve become a better person and maybe make up with Baekhyun eventually―”

“Sehun!” Chanyeol snaps, curling a finger underneath Sehun’s chin to tilt his face up gently, until their eyes meet. “Meeting you changed my life―in a good way. I became more confident of myself. I wasn’t self-conscious of my looks anymore. I became more outgoing, I can talk to people now and socialize instead of being a stuttering mess in front of a crowd. I became _independent_ , because I realize now I was too dependent on Baekhyun ‘saving’ me before, in any situation. That was why I was so broken up and lost when we fell apart.”

“Chanyeol…”

“I became the person I am today thanks to you, Sehun. And I am so _grateful_ to you. You don’t even know it.”

Sehun sniffs, nodding.

Chanyeol sighs, scratching his head. “I heard you came to talk to Baekhyun last night.”

“I wanted to try explaining, since you broke your promise to him for me, but… It didn’t quite work out.”

“Haha, I’m not surprised. You guys are like ice and fire,” the older laughs lightly.

“I still think you shouldn’t have done that. That was a good chance for reconciliation.”

“To be honest… Now that I look back… It was a pique dream, after all. I had wanted to just be… friends with him again, but I―I don’t think that’s possible. There are too many ghosts lingering around us. A reconciliation wouldn’t work, anyway.”

Sehun frowns at the words, because he knows the older boy had wanted to make up with Baekhyun for some time now, so what changed his mind?

“And I do feel bad I broke the promise I made to him, but… I broke it for a more important promise I had made, so I don’t regret it at all.”

Sehun blinks, staring up at him. “Huh?”

“Remember how we made a promise to forever be comrades-in-arms together, that day?” Chanyeol grins at him. “We promised to always be there for each other. And I don’t know about you, but it’s still true for me to this day. I may break a lot of promises I’ve made over the years, but this… _This_ I’ll never break. I’ll _always_ put you first. Above anyone and anything. I promise you this, Sehun.”

Sehun gulps, feeling tears prickling the back of his eyes already, so he huffs out, “Gosh, you’re so cheesy! I’m going to sleep!” before pushing Chanyeol’s arms away and curling underneath the blanket, turning to the wall so the older won’t be able to see his face and the tears threatening to spill out.

Chanyeol laughs, probably figuring that the younger is embarrassed. “Alright. Let’s sleep early for a change.” He turns off the lamp by the nightstand before shuffling under the blanket, too. “Good night, Sehun. Sweet dreams,” Chanyeol murmurs, a warm hand patting Sehun’s head gently before he closes his eyes and sleep.

“Good night, Chanyeol,” Sehun whispers back, biting on his lip, heart torn apart, because…

Jongin had told him that he should only go out with someone he truly has feelings for―truly _loves_ , but…

What should he do if the one person that he loves, doesn’t feel the same way back?

Chanyeol doesn’t love Sehun. At least, not in the same way that Sehun loves him.

This, Sehun knows, no matter how painful this truth is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know that chanhun tag has been a long time coming...
> 
> an update again so soon?? yes. i know this fic isn't as popular as my other fic and not many people read/comment on it which makes me sad... ;; but the heart wants what it wants.mp3 so i shall continue to write it cuz i personally love this fic a lot ㅠㅠ
> 
> and if you think this is angsty and complicated already... it's just the beginning, y'all. SO many hints were revealed this chapter. chanbaek's past and sehun's, uh. secret thing. that will slowly start to reveal itself soon...


	6. As Long As You Ask

✚

 

When Jongin arrives to class the next morning, Zitao is standing in a group chatting with his friends. When they make eye contact with each other purely by coincidence, the other boy excuses himself to walk towards Jongin.

Jongin flits his eyes about, and Zitao can guess what he’s searching for. “Sehun isn’t here yet. Chanyeol probably gave him a ride this morning.”

Jongin nods, not sure why the other is approaching him.

Zitao hesitates a bit before revealing, “Sehun broke up with me.”

Yeah, Jongin figures this.

“And I’m telling you this because… I don’t know. I think you are kinda different? Or rather, you remind me of myself, before.”

“Huh?”

“You like Sehun.” Zitao gives him a look when Jongin opens his mouth to protest. “Or rather, you’re fascinated by him and tethering on the brink of like, whatever. My point is, I was like you, too. And when Sehun noticed my interest in him, he didn’t hesitate to ask me out. And of course, I took my chance because―who would turn _Sehun_ down, of all people, right?”

Jongin lowers his gaze, because… he kind of did that? That night at the beach.

“I know Sehun’s relationships don’t last long; he’s notorious for it, really. But I thought I was… different. That I could be the one, you know? To crack his shell, or whatever.” A dry laugh. “But I couldn’t, after all. He wouldn’t let anyone in―well, his thoughts and feelings and emotions, not his body, you know.”

Jongin gives him an unimpressed look.

Zitao clears his throat. “I mean, the sex was great, but… I could tell he doesn’t really have feelings for me. That he’s not looking for a serious relationship. But rather, just… someone to be with? Which is strange, because if that was all he wanted, he has Chanyeol.”

Jongin looks up at the name.

“I think Chanyeol is the only person Sehun truly cares for. You can tell by the way he acts.” A sigh. “Even while dating him sometimes I wonder if Sehun likes Chanyeol instead. But Chanyeol is straight. Only dates girls. Oh man, can you imagine… _The_ Sehun, having feelings for his straight best friend?”

Jongin frowns. “Zitao…”

The other sighs again, scratching his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t start any rumors or troubles. Because despite all that, I still have good feelings for Sehun. I couldn’t crack his shell, but he’s still beautiful to me. I’ll just… quietly admire him from afar, I guess.”

That sounds quite sad to Jongin.

“Anyway, I’m telling you all this because… I think you’re like me. I see you staring at him when he wasn’t looking in class, man. So this is just… a friendly warning, I guess? To make up for that punch.”

Jongin laughs lightly. “Thanks for the warning, but I think I’ll be okay. I won’t make the same mistake you did and agree to go out with him when I know he doesn’t like me that way.”

Zitao nods. “I guess that’s the smart thing to do.” The first bell coincidentally chimes then, warning the students they have five minutes left before class starts. “Bye, I guess.”

Jongin nods, watching as Zitao regroups with his friends and walking to his seat.

Sehun arrives a minute before class starts and gives Jongin a smile before taking out his notebook. He completely ignores Zitao, and Jongin can tell from this distance that Zitao is trying to mask his hurt.

Zitao had said Jongin reminds him of himself, and Jongin honestly prays he won’t end up like Zitao, in the end.

 

✚

 

The cafeteria is noisy and bustling, as usual.

What is _not_ usual, is Baekhyun not being his usual chattering self.

“Okay, what happened?” Jongin asks after ten minutes of the older boy pushing his food around on his plate.

Baekhyun winces. “Am I that obvious?”

“Considering you’re normally a chatterbox, yes.”

He sighs, putting the spoon down. “Just me being stupid again, don’t worry.”

“So it’s something to do with Chanyeol?”

“Mnn… We had a… talk, yesterday. To be honest it just left me with more confusion, but at the same time… I think I found my peace of mind, too.”

“Don’t those things contradict each other?”

“I guess they do, but…” Baekhyun looks up, and Jongin follows his gaze to Chanyeol standing with a group of friends, all wearing basketball jerseys. Jongin recognizes Kris among them. When Chanyeol catches them staring, he pauses for a second before looking away, continuing to speak with his team like normal, as if Baekhyun (and Jongin) don’t exist.

Which is strange, because… “Doesn’t Chanyeol always say hi to you whenever he sees you? In a really obnoxious way, too.”

“He did. It had always bugged me, how he’d greet me like we’re friends when we’re not. I always wished for him to leave me alone, and now… he does.”

“And how… do you feel about that?”

“Kinda ironic, but like I said, also peaceful.”

Jongin blinks. “So you’re not feeling hurt?”

“Not about this, no. Maybe some things just aren’t meant to be. I’m glad he ignores me now, because this makes it easier to… move on, from all this. Whatever baggage we had between us.”

Jongin frowns. “Are you sure about this?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and slowly leans sideway, resting his head onto Jongin’s shoulder. “Yes. I’m tired. Maybe it’s time to close this chapter off my life for good.”

Jongin squeezes the older's hand on his lap. “Whatever you think is best for you. You know I’ll support you all the way, Baekhyun.”

The older gives a small smile but genuine. “Thanks, Jongin.”

“Anytime.”

 

✚

 

Jongin’s family are avid Christians, which kind of makes Jongin one, too.

He’s not hugely religious, but he does believe in a God somewhere up there, and karma, and how one should live life without any regrets or guilt.

So of course, when Sunday morning rolls around, Jongin is heading out along with his parents and two sisters, getting ready to head to the local church.

He’s just starting up his motorcycle engine―he’s planning to ride solo there while the rest of his family had already taken the car and will meet up with them at the church since he prefers his own bike, when noises from a few houses away caught his attention.

To his surprise, another car is starting its engine―the car parked on Sehun’s house’s driveway. There looks to be a shadow of a man already in the driver’s seat, but Sehun and his mother had just locked the house door and are coming out.

When Sehun’s eyes catch his, he lets out a big grin and skips towards him. “Of course you’d be a church boy, Jongin! I should’ve known!”

Jongin frowns. “Is your family going to Sunday church? Doesn’t this mean you are one, too?”

“Not really. I’m going to keep my mum company. She’s the religious one. Avid devotee and does lots of volunteer and charity works, stuff like that.”

“I can’t tell if you’re bragging about me or complaining I drag you to church, Sehun,” the younger’s mother comments, walking towards him. “Hello. You must be the new family that moved here last month? Apologies that we haven’t seen much of each other, my husband and I recently got back from a trip last week.”

“It’s fine, ma’am. Hello. I’m Jongin, Sehun’s classmate.” He does a bow, and chances a glance at the woman. She looks exactly like in the picture in Sehun’s room, albeit a tad older and her hair now is tied neatly into a bun. She’s a beautiful woman, Jongin notes. Sehun has her pale skin and small but plush lips.

“My, what a polite and handsome young man you are!” the woman clasps her hands together, smiling. “Is your family also going to church? Perhaps we’ll be going to the same one? My family attend the St. Monica Catholic Church.”

“Oh, that is also where my family is planning to attend. This will be our first time there, actually.”

“How wonderful! I can definitely show your family around and introduce you guys to everyone!”

“You’re heading there by yourself?” Sehun speaks up, noticing the emptiness of Jongin’s driveway.

“Yeah. My family already left earlier. I wanted to ride there myself.”

“Hmn… Mum, can I ride with Jongin? We can meet up there!”

Jongin blinks as the woman hums. “I suppose. As long as you actually arrive there and don’t ditch, Sehun!”

The boy laughs. “Yeah yeah, I won’t. Oh, will you… tell dad for me? I think he’s waiting in the car wondering what’s taking us so long.”

“Yes, you don’t want to ride with us oldies and prefer riding with your friend instead, I’m not surprised,” the woman gives an exasperated sigh. “Well, I’ll see you at the church then, Jongin. Please take care of Sehun for me, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jongin nods as the woman heads back to the car before turning to the younger boy. “Nice of you to decide you want to hitch a ride with me without actually asking me.”

Sehun only laughs. “Come on, would you say no? And I did tell you I want to take a ride on that beast of yours someday, and what better day is today? The sky is so clear out this morning!”

Jongin sighs, twisting the handle and feel the bike rumbling into life. “Fine, get on. If you trust my driving skills, that is.”

“Doesn’t matter if your driving skills suck, I’d still get on just to see how hot you look while driving a motorcycle, Jongin,” Sehun answers with a wink.

Jongin resists the urge to roll his eyes as the younger settles behind him, and off they go.

Jongin had expected Sehun to be clingy, maybe even trying to suggestively touch him being the tease he is, but surprisingly, Sehun merely clasps two palms onto Jongin’s hips and doesn’t do much more than that.

He does, however, talk, which blows warm air right at Jongin’s nape at every word.

“So, church boy,” he begins as they drive through the neighborhood. “Are you religious? Believe in God and all that?”

“I don’t think I’m as avid as my parents and your mom, but I’d like to think there is someone up there watching over us,” he confesses. “That karma exists. That you should live life without any regrets and guilt. Stuff like that.”

“Hmn…” Sehun hums, which sends another blow of air across Jongin’s neck, and he resists the urge to shudder. “A very Jongin-like answer, once again.”

“What about you? You told me you’re not religious?”

“No. I think I’m more an atheist. There is no God to watch over you and care for you,” Sehun states, his voice crisp and clear, surprising Jongin how final his tone is, like he really believes there is no God in this world. “There’s just no way life is that easy, that perfect. That praying to some unknown above will get you out of tough situations. That doesn’t exist.”

Sehun’s views are shockingly pessimistic and fatalistic for someone who seemingly has such an easygoing personality, Jongin notes.

“However, because of that, I do believe in karma,” the younger continues. “That if you do something bad, you will get punished. Some way or another. And that you deserve it.”

“…What if you did something good, then? Will you get rewarded?”

A laugh, more dry than genuine. “For people like you, maybe.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means if you’re a good person, like you are, Jongin, then someday you’ll get rewarded. But that doesn’t apply to bad people. No matter how much they try to atone for their mistakes, it’s never enough.”

Jongin frowns, because it almost seems like Sehun is indirectly implying that he himself is not a good person…? But, why? What has Sehun done wrong?

What is keeping him so locked up and guarded, refusing to show anyone his true self?

What exactly is wrong with Sehun?

He doesn’t have much time to ponder, for they arrive at the church soon after.

“Thanks for the ride, Jongin,” Sehun says, hopping off. He waves goodbye and trots away before Jongin can stop him, to hold him back, to ask him to elaborate―

But elaborate… what? Whatever Jongin wants to ask him will be met with vague answers, anyway.

So Jongin can do nothing but watch as Sehun approaches his parents’ car and greets them as they come out.

He’s too focused on Sehun that he almost doesn’t notice the man getting out of the driver’s seat, and his eyes blink in confusion because while Sehun’s mother had looked pretty much the same as in the picture, Sehun’s father… does not really look like the man in the same picture. This man is a handsome, refined older man, no doubt, as expected of being a rich doctor from his classmate’s words, and quite young-looking, too―late thirties at the oldest. But Jongin had expected the rest of Sehun’s features like his eyes and nose to take after his father’s, and the man walking with Sehun and his mother right now doesn’t much resemble Sehun at all.

Jongin wonders if maybe Sehun’s features take after someone else then, a grandparent’s, maybe, and if age would change a man’s looks so much.

 

✚

 

Mondays are notoriously the worst day of the week, and this particular Monday is even worse for Baekhyun than normal for one simple reason: An announcement.

“Now, I understand all of you are relaxed and satiated after the Fall Festival,” the teacher is saying. “And if you think now is a good time to slack off and wait for more breaks, you’d… be correct. Unfortunately. Because the Annual Winter Field Trips are here.”

A loud cheering resounds through the classroom.

“As you know, the Field Trips are once a year and last a whole week. The schedule and destination vary depending on what grade you’re in. Seniors go on the first week of November. Juniors, second week. Freshmen, third week. So the school won’t be completely empty for a whole week due to the trips.”

“So where are we going this year?” an excited student shouts.

“For you guys, the Juniors, your trip will be to Colorado for some mountain climbing and camping activities.”

“What? Boooo!”

“Now, now. It could be fun! You can see real life cactuses and such. It’s a week off school anyway, what have you got to complain?”

“I heard the Freshmen get to go to Hawaii!”

“It’s their first year in high school, give them something to be excited about.” The teacher rolls her eyes. “Besides, I think their schedule is mostly forest trekking to learn about the wildlife there instead of free time at the beach, so I’d say you guys are pretty even.”

“Still, it’s Hawaii versus Colorado!”

“This is supposed to be an educational trip. Moving on!” the teacher rushes when the class is still protesting. “The groups will be divided by your homeroom, which for you guys is this very class! So I sure hope you guys like your classmates, because you’ll be with them 24/7 for this trip!”

“Well, we can just like _some_ of our classmates, right?” a boy Baekhyun notes is one of the jocks on the Basketball Team cackles with a wink. “Not all men are created equal.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes and resists the urge to look behind him to see Chanyeol’s reaction.

 _So. A trip for one whole week to another state with my homeroom classmates, AKA Chanyeol and the rest of his basketball jerk friends_ , Baekhyun concludes.

Great.

 

✚

 

The engine noise dwindles down as Chanyeol turns off the car ignition, parked in the driveway of Sehun’s house. He’s just given the younger boy a ride home, but he’s not done yet.

“So,” he begins heavily. “The annual grade field trip is starting next week.”

“Yup. So your grade will be going in two weeks, and mine, in three,” Sehun states.

“This means in two weeks, I’ll be gone for a whole week.”

“I’m sure I can survive a week without you,” the other jokes, but Chanyeol’s not in the mood today.

“No, you can’t.”

Sehun jerks his head, glancing at the older sharply. “Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t,” Chanyeol repeats, voice rising. “Sehun, you’ll be without me for a whole week! I’m worried! If I’m not there, who’s going to―”

“I survived just fine last year when you went on the trip as a Freshman.”

“Because I _didn’t know_ , back then!” Chanyeol exclaims disbelievingly. “Speaking of which, it’s almost been a year since I’ve known, yet it just seems to get worse as time goes by. I keep wondering if I’m making a mistake. Should I say something? Speak up―”

“Don’t you dare,” Sehun’s eyes flash, narrowing.

“This can’t go on like this!” Chanyeol wipes at his face in frustration. “It’s killing me inside to just watch you tear yourself apart for what happened. That you let―”

“I want this,” the other cuts in. “I _chose_ this. This is what I told you back then, remember? That I’ll let you know as long as you promise to stay out of it.”

“But I _can’t_! I shouldn’t. I feel like I’ve let this go on for long enough.”

“That’s not your decision to decide.”

“Sehun, I care about you, okay? That’s why I can’t stand by and just―just _watch_ it happen. Watch you―”

“If you really care about me,” Sehun speaks, slowly and somberly. “Then you’ll stay out of this.”

“I really shouldn’t. I should speak up.”

“Chanyeol!” Sehun snaps. “I swear to god, if you dare to say anything, our friendship is over. I will hate you forever.”

“Sehun―”

“You know I’ll deny everything, and then at that point, I won’t even have _you_ left. Is that what you want?” Sehun’s words have been so firm, so rigid before, but his voice cracks at this. “That I’ll just be―alone, like before I met you. That I won’t even have you anymore, because you broke my trust and your promise towards me and that I’ll hate you?”

“I promised to stay by your side, not―”

“If you want to stay by my side then you’ll keep quiet!” Sehun bites out. “If you want me to be by myself through―through this, then go ahead and speak up. It’s your choice.”

“Goddammit, Sehun, this isn’t fair―”

Sehun laughs, a bitter sound. “Life isn’t fair.” He exhales through his mouth, head dropping. “I should go. Thanks for the ride.”

Chanyeol keeps quiet, eyes trained on the steering wheel when he hears the opening of the car door.

Before it closes, the older can hear the voice of the other’s, soft in a murmur. “I know that you care about me, Chanyeol. You know that… You know that you mean a lot to me too, right?”

Chanyeol nods mutedly. He can’t bear to look at Sehun in the face right now.

The door shuts with a click, and he watches dazedly as the back of Sehun’s figure gets farther and farther away until he’s inside his house.

Chanyeol stays still for a moment before opening his own door, but he isn’t following after Sehun’s path. Instead, he swerves left, a few houses away until he’s standing in front of a particular house he vaguely knows but never have been to, before.

He rings the doorbell with trepidation, and almost breathes a sigh of relief when the door swings open and the person he wants to see is standing there instead of having to awkwardly deal with his family.

“Chanyeol?” Jongin raises an eyebrow. He obviously was not expecting this, and truthfully, Chanyeol hadn’t, either.

“Hey…” He puts two hands in his pocket, glancing behind Jongin to see into his house. It seems quiet. Perhaps Jongin’s family hasn’t gotten home yet. “Can we talk for a bit?”

Jongin looks outside and must notice the lack of a vehicle in his driveway aside from his own motorcycle. He then cranks his head to the far left and spots Chanyeol’s car still on Sehun’s family’s property. “Did you come here from Sehun’s?”

“Yeah, that’s what I… wanted to talk about, actually.”

The younger blinks before stepping out, facing Chanyeol properly. “You want to talk about… Sehun.”

A nod.

“Okay, sure. What is it?”

Chanyeol doesn’t even know how to approach this. This was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but he feels like he should do― _something_ , for Sehun’s sake.

“So you know our school field trip is coming up.”

“Yes.”

“When we go depends on what grade we’re in, so this means in two weeks, I’ll be gone.”

Jongin nods. He knows, because Baekhyun will be gone himself.

“Okay, well…” Chanyeol shifts his foot, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “While I’m gone for that whole week, will you… Will you keep an eye out for Sehun?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… I told you to be his friend, remember? So while I’m gone, just… make sure to be around him? Like watch out for him if anything’s wrong. He won’t speak much when he’s in a… mood, but just having someone by his side will be of great help, already.”

Jongin keeps quiet, like he’s in deep contemplation.

“What exactly is wrong with Sehun?”

Chanyeol blinks, surprised. “N―Nothing’s wrong.”

“Don’t lie. If there’s nothing wrong you wouldn’t stand here pleading me to keep watch over him, like something bad’s going to happen to him.”

The older grunts. “You’re too perceptive, but maybe this is a good thing for his sake.” A sigh. “It’s not… my place to speak. Wouldn’t you rather find out when Sehun trusts you enough to tell you, anyway?”

Jongin deflates, rubbing at his face. “I suppose you’re right…”

“Yeah, just… be by his side. He might seem like he has lots of friends, but he really… doesn’t. Not people he can truly count on, anyway. He gets lonely often.”

“I know, I can tell,” Jongin mumbles. “You… You seem to care for him a lot.”

“I do,” Chanyeol states like it’s obvious.

“So he is your… best friend?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what about Baekhyun?”

This question throws Chanyeol off, his eyes bulging out. “What about Baekhyun?”

“Didn’t Baekhyun use to be your best friend? What changed?”

“I don’t… think this has anything to do with our current conversation.”

“It kind of does, because you told me to watch out for Sehun, but who’s going to watch out for Baekhyun?”

The older looks even more shocked, if possible.

“You think he wasn’t sad when you didn’t go see him perform? Or after whatever you guys talked about afterward and you stopped speaking to him or even meeting his eyes when you guys randomly see each other at school?”

“I honestly thought he would’ve preferred it this way. He always seemed annoyed when I talked to him before,” Chanyeol admits.

Jongin makes a face. “To be honest, I don’t know what he wants, but still. You guys will be on a trip together for a week, right? Maybe you should… keep an eye on him, too.”

 _You don’t have to ask me to do that anyway_ , Chanyeol thinks but only nods his head in acquiesce. “I don’t think we should be friends again, but I’ll keep watch over him too on the trip.”

“Why should you guys not be friends again?” Jongin asks in confusion.

The older shrugs. “Some things just aren’t meant to be. It is best this way. There is a lot of… baggage, between us.”

Jongin frowns, looking like he wants to ask more but stays his lips. “If you say so. I don’t want to be too nosey in you guys’ relationship. I just wanted to make sure he’ll be okay, too.”

“I know,” Chanyeol smiles. “This is why I think you’re a good person, Jongin. This is why I asked you to watch over Sehun. I know you won’t take advantage of him.”

The younger’s frown deepens. “So others have taken advantage of Sehun before?”

Chanyeol gives a dry, emotionless laugh. “One too many. He’s not naive, but he believes in punishing himself.”

Jongin’s internal alarm bells are blaring at this inside his ears, because Sehun had said something similar on their way to church last Sunday, too―something about how bad people get punished.

What does it all mean?

“Anyway,” Chanyeol stretches, exhaling. “That was a good talk. Thank you, Jongin. Also, feel free to text or call me if anything happens with Sehun. I’ll make sure to let you know with Baekhyun, too. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

Because Jongin can say anything further, the older is already waving goodbye and heading back to his car, leaving Jongin with too many questions with no possible answers.

 

✚

 

Sehun is fixing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat when he hears the door opens. The thudding of a suitcase being put down onto a table signals who it is.

“Hi, dad.”

“Sehun,” his father greets. “Is your mother not home yet?”

“No. She has a volunteer event today at an animal’s shelter, I think.”

“I see.” The older man plops onto the couch and turns the TV on, loosening his tie.

“Oh yeah,” Sehun puts the bread down and grabs a sheet of paper on the counter nearby. “This is the permission slip for my school field trip. I need a parent’s signature on it.”

“Hmn…” the man takes the paper from Sehun, scanning through it. “So you’ll be gone for a week in November?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a lot of time being gone, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is.”

“Don’t you think it should be made up now? For all the previous times, too,” he asks, scribbling his signature onto the sheet before giving it back to Sehun.

Sehun takes the paper from him, meeting his father in the eyes when he answers, “Yeah. Now’s a good time.”

 

✚

 

Jongin is woken up by a sudden chime next to his ear. Blinking blearily, he scrambles for his phone, regretting the fact that he had put the object right on the nightstand next to his bed before going to sleep.

Wincing at the bright light from the phone, he tries to make out the screen and jolts in surprise when he sees it’s a text from Sehun.

**> hi. are you asleep?**

Jongin’s eyes stray to the top of the screen. 2:14AM. At the dead of night, Sehun is texting him.

**> no, im awake. whats up?**

He waits for two minutes without a reply and presses the Call button before his eyes can drift shut again.

It takes four rings before Sehun answers, even though his phone must be right next to him, like the younger is debating on whether or not to pick up.

_“Hello?”_

“Sehun,” Jongin squints, turning the volume up because he can barely hear the other boy. “Is something wrong?”

_“No! Sorry, I don’t know why I texted you. Were you asleep? Your voice sounds rough like you got woken up. Did I wake you? I’ll just hang up now―”_

“Sehun,” Jongin repeats, louder. “Don’t hang up. You must’ve texted me for a reason, right?”

The other pauses at this. _“I don’t know,”_ he whispers.

“Hmn… Then tell me what you do know.”

Jongin can almost imagine the boy’s face blinking in surprise at his words. _“Oh, I just…”_ A sigh. _“I don’t know. It’s 2Am and I guess I just… want someone to talk to.”_

 _Sehun gets lonely often_ , Chanyeol had told him, Jongin recalls.

 _“Sorry. Normally I wouldn’t bother you with this,”_ Sehun continues. _“But I sort of… got into an argument with Chanyeol today, and I didn’t want to bother him. And then… I don’t know what I was thinking. My fingers clicked on your name and typed you a text before I knew it. Sorry.”_

“Stop apologizing. I don’t mind,” Jongin tries to pacify even through the new information. So Chanyeol and Sehun got into an argument? Was this before or after Chanyeol had visited Jongin?

And if Sehun unconsciously reached out to him when he couldn’t Chanyeol, does this mean Jongin is at least slowly climbing up Sehun’s list of personal confidants?

 _“Okay,”_ Sehun replies breathily. _“Okay.”_

There’s a lull in conversation where neither side speaks, and it’s only then does Jongin notices the slight sounds of creaking in the background. It sounds suspiciously similar to―

“Sehun, are you at home?”

_“Huh?”_

“Are you in your home, or are you―” It can’t be, can it?

 _“I’m not… home,”_ Sehun admits.

Fuck. Jongin knew it. “Are you at the park I saw you at before?” Those sounds had sounded like the creaking of a swing, back then.

Sehun’s silence is answer enough.

“You know it’s not safe to be out in a park by yourself at 2AM, right? No matter how rich a neighborhood Santa Monica is.”

No answer.

“Sehun?” Jongin tries, because it feels like the younger boy is starting to close off and about to hang up on him any second. “Do you… want me to come?”

This ignites a response. _“Huh?”_

Jongin closes his eyes as he elaborates, “I told you, right? That I want to be your friend. And that you can ask me if you… want anything from me. Like if you had asked me to stay in the classroom back then during the Festival, I’d stay. And if you… If you want me to come to the park right now, I’ll come.”

 _“You shouldn’t come,”_ the younger quickly replies. _“You shouldn’t. It’s late, we have school in the morning, you probably want to go back to sleep―”_

Jongin isn’t sleepy anymore. Not after―this. “It doesn’t matter if I should or not,” he speaks slowly, like he’s trying not to scare the boy off. “What matters is… if you _want_ me to. So do you want me to?”

_“I…”_

“You texted me for a reason, right? Just ask me, Sehun. Tell me what you want. I’ll do it.”

There’s a long silence, the clock on his wall ticking one by one as Jongin waits. So much time passes that Jongin’s wondering if he’s said something wrong, that Sehun’s retreating back to his shell again, when the younger finally speaks.

 _“Will you really do anything as long as I ask you to?”_ his voice is barely above a whisper that Jongin only hears due to how stilted everything around him is right now.

“Yes.”

 _“Okay,”_ Sehun breathes, and Jongin is already getting off the bed and starting to grab his clothes before the other can finish his words. _“Then please come, Jongin.”_

Sehun hasn’t needed to say anything further, because Jongin can hear it, can notice it.

That even through the static noises filtering over the phone, Sehun’s voice had sounded quiet, so small, choked up, like he had been _crying_ , like how Jongin has had an inkling that Sehun’s been, all this time, though he had never explicitly seen the younger crying face-to-face before.

And somehow, along the way, it hits Jongin like a freight train at the realization that he will do just about anything as long as Sehun isn’t crying―that he isn’t sad and depressed, punishing himself for whatever reason―anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot revealed this chapter, i think. any theories on sehun's secret?  
>  btw, i'm wondering who your fave character is so far in this story? jongin, sehun, baekhyun, or chanyeol? maybe i should do a poll haha.
> 
> next chapter should be fun: chanyeol + baekhyun stuck on a trip for a week together (you can bet ~stuff~ is gonna happen 😏) and sehun + jongin remaining at school with sehun having no one to lean on but jongin.


	7. Cannot Let Go

✚

 

The park is as dark as Jongin remembers when he arrives. There are still the few street lamps lighting up the playground, but even those are dim against the darkness of the night.

Jongin finds Sehun sitting on the bridge of the playground set next to the slides, feet dangling off the ground. He looks more childlike like this when the Sehun he usually sees is always so immaculately dressed with fashionable clothes and kohl-rimmed eyes, looking like he’s ready to attend a party once school is over.

Jongin quietly climbs up the playground and sits next to him, swinging his feet around so they dangle in the air too.

“I can’t believe you really came,” Sehun speaks first, voice a murmur.

“I told you I would.”

“I guess more people keep their words than I had expected,” Sehun comments. “Though what I usually see is more ‘you do this for me, I do this for you’ reciprocal type of exchange. I don’t know if you want anything from me, though.”

Jongin frowns because Sehun’s view seems awfully ruthless, like there’s no “goodwill of doing something out of the kindness of your heart” type of exchange in this world.

“I don’t want anything from you,” Jongin answers honestly. “I just felt like you needed me, so here I am.”

Sehun chuckles. “You are really a good person, Jongin. It’s too bad not everyone can be like you.”

“You told me this before. That’s why I’d like to be one of the few good persons in your life.”

Sehun hums as the wind blows past them, ruffling Sehun’s hair up. He’s in a navy hoodie today with gray sweatpants, and his hair is a bit damp but not as much as last time, like Sehun had been sitting here in this park for a long time before Jongin came.

That sweet smell of strawberry still lingers, though. Jongin guesses Sehun uses strawberry shampoo.

“Jongin,” Sehun calls suddenly. “Have you ever feel like you have something… but you don’t deserve it?”

The older blinks in surprise, not expecting this. He takes his time to answer because he feels like this has been something weighing on the younger’s mind and he doesn’t want to give a careless answer.

“Yes,” Jongin at last replies. “I mean, I think everyone has something good happening that they think they don’t deserve at least once in their life, but for me… Yes.”

Sehun turns to fully look at him for the first time since Jongin’s arrived, and from this close distance, Jongin can see the twinkles inside Sehun’s translucent black orbs reflecting from the street lamps around them.

“Back at my old school,” he starts, “I used to be in the Soccer Team. At first it started because two of my friends were in it, one of them actually Captain. His name is Minho, by the way―he’s great at all sports in general. He roped my other friend Taemin into playing it, and Taemin convinced me to try out, too.”

Sehun clearly is surprised over Jongin being on a sports team previously when all he does in this school is be broody and almost anti-social.

“At first I thought it’d be something fun to do with my friends,” Jongin continues, “but weeks past and I made first-string. I was a Regular. I was the one out on the field playing every game when we had a bunch of guys sitting on the bench as second-strings watching me play.”

The older rubs his neck, wincing as he recalls. “The thing is, I don’t even think I was that good? Not enough to play as a Regular every game, anyway. But because I was friends with the Captain and other first-strings… And because I’m―popular,” he rolls his eyes at this. “They like to use my face for the club recruitment posters, kind of an implication that if you join the Soccer Club, you’ll be as popular and goodlooking as me.”

He barks out a wry laugh over this, because it’s all very absurd now that he speaks outloud. “It also probably doesn’t hurt my family was more well-off compared to other student’s. I mean, it’s the norm here in Santa Monica High, but back at my school the average family income was a lot… lower. And―I don’t know. I feel like I made first-strings purely because of my connections, my popularity and looks, and my family’s wealth. It’s―I felt like I didn’t deserve it at all.”

Sehun has been silent all this time, quietly listening to him.

“Like I know there are at least two Reserved players with better skills than mine, but they don’t get to play because I took their spot? I really didn’t feel like I deserved it.” He grunts as he drops his hand onto his lap, finishing the story. “That’s why I haven’t joined any clubs since I transferred here.”

“You’re afraid the same thing will happen again?” Sehun asks.

Jongin nods.

“Hmn…” Sehun hums, looking out into the park. The swings are a few meters in front of them. “Jongin, have you ever thought… that you honestly weren’t as bad as you think you were?”

Jongin turns to look at him, and Sehun only gives a small smile back.

“Say that your skill isn’t as good as someone in second-string. But was your skill ever so bad that you messed up a game for your team? Did you ever shoot a ball through your own goalpost before?”

Jongin makes a face. “Gods, no. That’d be so embarrassing.”

Sehun laughs lightly. “Yeah, it would be. But that was my point. Have you ever messed up badly in a game before? Did you score goals yourself? If there were penalty kicks, did you score them? Or did you miss all your shots?”

“I did score goals before… Not as much as Minho, of course, but… Well, I guess my stats weren’t that bad compared to Taemin's and the others…” he admits.

“Okay, well. Let’s say your Coach put you in first-strings. You played every game decently enough. You never messed up to the point where he had to take you out midgame because you were affecting the outcome.”

“I guess…”

“And have you ever thought… that maybe he kept you in not because of how you’re friends with the other Regulars, but because, due to you guys being friends, you know each other well and thus your _teamwork_ is better?”

Jongin blinks, because he hadn’t thought of that.

“A sports game isn’t a solo match, Jongin. It’s a bunch of players working together. Team spirit is important, and how well you work with other players is important, too. Maybe the other Reserved players were a big higher-skilled than you, but they didn’t mesh well with the team? Have you thought of that?”

“I… haven’t…”

“You should give your Coach more credit, Jongin,” Sehun grins at him. “Not just him, but your friend Minho, too. He’s the Captain, after all. If he’s really your friend, you should trust him more and in his decision to keep you as a first-string because he thought you work better in the team than other players.”

It’s eye-opening to Jongin. No one had ever told him this view before. Then again, all his old friends were so happy for him being a Regular on the Soccer Team, some even admired him for it, so it was hard to tell them how he really felt.

“Thanks, Sehun. It’s―” Jongin gives a dry, disbelieving laugh. “I’m supposed to come here to cheer you up, but it’s the opposite now.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just you being here is already good enough.”

Jongin stares at the younger for a few seconds before asking, “So what is the thing you have that you feel like you don’t deserve?”

Sehun shifts, tensing over this. “There are a lot of things I have that I feel I don’t deserve.”

“Okay, tell me at least one of them. I told you mine, didn’t I?” Jongin tries.

“I…” Sehun meets his eyes, hesitating. The wind blows right at that moment, and Sehun hastily catches his hair in his hand so it won’t get messed up again. “So I said on the phone that I had an argument with Chanyeol today.”

“Yes.”

“He was… worrying over something about me. He was worried for me. But I didn’t want him to be. I kind of implied he was being nosey and told him to stay out of my business, and… I felt awful about it afterward, because Chanyeol had nothing but my best interests at heart, but all I did was push him away. I said some mean things to him…”

“Hmn…” Jongin mulls it over. Does this have something to do with how worried Chanyeol was about Sehun and telling Jongin to watch over him while Chanyeol will be gone? “So you feel like you don’t deserve―”

“―Chanyeol,” the other finishes. “I feel like I don’t deserve Chanyeol, at all.”

“Well, I won’t pry into your argument with Chanyeol, but for me,” Jongin begins. “In my view, if you care for someone, if you truly love them―and I don’t only mean romantic love, but even familial love like with your parents or siblings if you have them, or even friends-forever type of love… If you love someone in any way at all, you love them because it’s _them_ and they’re special to you, not because you want to ask for something in return from them, be it affections or material things.”

“I… I understand that…”

“Do you really?” Jongin gives Sehun a look. “Because it seems to me like you’re okay with you giving love out to those important to you, but you think you don’t deserve it when someone loves _you_ and cares for you.”

“I…”

“If Chanyeol cares for you, that means it’s because you’re important to him. It doesn’t matter to him if you think you don’t deserve it, all it matters to him is… you, right?”

Sehun bites his lip at this, and Jongin hasn’t seen the younger looking so torn before.

“If your friendship is real, then you’ll survive the argument. Trust me, I fought a lot with Taemin before, too. We even had a fistfight once,” Jongin laughs at the memory. “But if you’re truly close and matter a lot to each other, you’ll get past it.”

“Mnn…”

“And… Sehun? You should give Chanyeol more credit,” he says, repeating Sehun’s words back to him. “You’re indirectly questioning his choice in who is important to him by thinking you don’t deserve it. Chanyeol has a right to choose for himself who he cares about. You won’t change his feelings just because you think someone else deserves his time and affections better.”

Sehun’s breath hitches at this, like Jongin’s words just crashed through his chest like a storm.

“Okay… I will… try to think of it that way,” Sehun exhales slowly like he’s trying to discharge all the negative feelings within him. “If you… promise me you’ll think something over, too.”

“What is that?”

“That maybe you’re better at sports than you realized,” Sehun says with a smile. “That maybe you’ll help our school at games. Will you think it over about joining a club?”

Jongin laughs. “I’ll think about it. But honestly, the main reason I don’t want to join a club now is I don’t want to get popular… You popular kids are the worst.”

“Hey!”

“Joking. You’re okay. Maybe.” Jongin pretends to be deep in thoughts.

“Yes, Mr. Antisocial Jongin, who loves going against the norm and actually don’t want to be popular,” Sehun rolls his eyes. “I think it’s nice, though. Like I said, I wish there were more guys in this world like you.”

 _I don’t care if I’m a one in a million among the guys on this Earth, if I’m not a one in a million to you_ , Jongin almost blurts out, because―

It’s clear Sehun sees Jongin a bit differently from the rest. But how differently is that?

How special is his place inside Sehun’s heart?

Jongin doesn’t know, and he keeps thinking about it even after Sehun bids him goodbye, even after Jongin gets home, back to his bedroom, and wonders if Sehun is okay lying in his own bed.

What Jongin had told Sehun about Chanyeol―how Chanyeol cares for Sehun without needing anything back… he wonders if that applies to _him_ , too.

If maybe Jongin was also speaking about himself, regarding Sehun.

 

✚

 

When Sehun walks down the stairs the next morning, his mother is making an omelette in the kitchen.

“I’m not hungry, mom,” he tells her, declining the plate.

“Sehun, you’re already skinny enough as it is. You should eat more, especially since if you don’t now, you won’t be able to until lunch time!” his mother scolds him.

“It’s fine. I’ll have Chanyeol stop by the gas station and grab some snacks on the way to school.” He looks around. “Did dad leave already?”

“Yes, he got an emergency call from the hospital at 4AM. You know how hectic a surgeon’s schedule can be.”

Sehun nods.

“Chanyeol is picking you up again? Honestly, you trouble that boy so much.”

Sehun drops his head, silently agreeing. Usually, whoever is his “boyfriend of the week” will be giving him rides to and from school, but seeing as how he’s not dating anyone right now… Chanyeol automatically takes the job since Sehun hates public transportation.

Though with their… sorta-argument yesterday, Sehun feels awkward meeting Chanyeol again so soon, but the older boy had texted him when Sehun was changing earlier that he’s already outside Sehun’s house.

“Don’t you think you rely too much on Chanyeol?” his mother is still rambling. “I feel like he’s way too nice to turn you down when you ask for things. You’re not pushing him around, are you?”

Sehun purses his lips. “I’m not. Don’t you think I know I rely too much on him? I’m trying not to, okay.”

He’s really trying, but it’s so hard when his life is messed up as fuck and the older boy is always the first one Sehun thinks of running away to whenever he feels like he can’t breathe.

“I’m going. He’s waiting outside for me,” he states, grabbing his backpack and hurrying out the door before his mother can say another word. He’s so tired of her judging him for everything lately. From his loose dating habits to his dependency on certain people.

As expected, he finds Chanyeol out on his driveway, back leaning casually against his car, the white and blue varsity jacket on him contrasting with the bright red paint of the Aston Martin’s.

“Hey…” Sehun mumbles, approaching slowly. They haven’t talked at all since they parted ways in this very same spot yesterday afternoon, though Sehun had agonized over and over again with calling Chanyeol last night but in the end never did.

Chanyeol looks up, quickly slipping the phone in his pocket. “Hey, Sehun. Did you have a good night’s sleep?”

Sehun makes the mistake of hesitating for a second, and the older easily spots it, frowning. “Sehun…”

The younger sighs. “It’s okay. I―I called Jongin. We talked a bit. I didn’t have a panic attack or anything.” _Or rather, my panic attack subsided once Jongin got to the park and chatting with him calmed me down_ , he adds internally.

Chanyeol sighs, too. “Well, I’m glad you called Jongin. He’s really a good kid.”

Sehun nods mutedly, hand clutching the strap of his backpack.

The older can probably tell how nervous Sehun is being, for he says, “Would you prefer that I’m not here? I can leave and ask someone else to―”

“No!” Sehun gasps, jerking up to look at Chanyeol. “No, of course not. It’s just… After what happened yesterday, and my mom said I rely too much on you, I really do think I’m such a bother to you. Like you didn’t ask for all this baggage in the form of me, you have enough shit to deal with―”

“Sehun, what the fuck, stop,” Chanyeol holds a hand out to halt him, face disbelieving. “What do you mean, you’re a baggage, you’re never―”

“But you always have to attend to me,” Sehun points out. “You’re always by my side whenever I need you, yet I say things like ‘I’ll hate you forever’ and is such an ungrateful shit. Truly a burden―”

“Sehun, stop!” Chanyeol repeats, raising his voice. “I can’t believe you’re really thinking this. Here I was being afraid that you’ll pull yourself from me because I care too much, that you find me annoying and invasive and―”

“Of course not, I’m just―” Sehun sighs, because they’re just cutting each other off while expressing the same concerns.

They’re both afraid that the other person hates them.

Chanyeol sighs too, scratching his head as he mulls over what to say next. “So I haven’t told you this before, but… Baekhyun once said something similar to me. That you’re―how it’s strange I always do everything you want, like you’re bossing me around, like a burden that I’d drop everything for you―”

Sehun drops his gaze to the ground, because, yeah. He expects this. It’s no surprise Baekhyun doesn’t think highly of him, and it’s not like what the older boy is saying is terribly untrue, anyway.

“Do you know what I answered?”

Sehun shrugs.

“I told him that I’m not the type to do something just because someone asks me to. That no one can force me to do anything I don’t want. Which means that―Sehun, look at me.” Sehun reluctantly lifts his head, meeting his eyes. “Which means that I do all this for you―caring for you and worrying over you―because I _want_ to. If I really thought you were a burden I wouldn’t be forcing myself with a burden. Because you’re not. Are we clear on this?”

Sehun sniffs, nodding. Chanyeol is exactly like what Jongin had said, and he feels so relieved at this.

“Good,” Chanyeol smiles, ruffling Sehun’s hair fondly. “Now let’s get to school. You already have too many tardies, don’t think I don’t know.”

“Please. Like you don’t have a bunch of tardies yourself,” Sehun retorts, sticking out his tongue while batting Chanyeol’s hand away. After he fixes his hair carelessly, he pauses for a second before hesitantly taking a few steps forward and wrapping both arms around the older boy’s body in a hug.

“Let’s never argue again,” Sehun mumbles. “I was kicking myself all last night thinking I’d offend you for good.”

Chanyeol scoffs. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

 _If I had it my way, you’ll never ever leave my side_ , Sehun thinks but doesn’t say. Instead, he closes his eyes and basks in the warmth of the body against his for this moment.

What neither of the two boys notice is someone watching them from a few houses away, perched on his motorcycle before discreetly driving away.

 

✚

 

A week passes by in a flash, and before Baekhyun knows it, it’s already Sunday night.

“I’m going to die,” he proclaims, flopping onto his bed with both hands and legs spread eagle, taking up most of the space. His game controller is discarded somewhere on the floor. “Remember to buy some nice flowers for my funeral. Play “Fearless” by Taylor Swift too ‘cause let it be remembered I once was the most fearless man to walk this Earth.”

Jongin laughs, pausing the game before giving him an exasperated look. “First of all, you’re not fearless if you’re already freaking out about this. Second, no, you’re not gonna die.”

“Yes I am, and yes I will!” the older whines. “Imagine, being stranded in the middle of nowhere at some desert and the only people around you are dumb basketball jocks flaunting their macho muscles and equally dumb preppy girls who flaunt their big boobs in push-up bras everywhere in your face! For a whole week!”

“Someone’s not a fan of girls with big boobs,” Jongin teases.

Baekhyun huffs. He then blinks and sits up hastily, worming into Jongin’s space like a lightbulb just lit up inside his head. “Wait, it never hit me to ask before, but like. Are you a fan of girls with big boobs? Like, are you straight? I know you creep on Sehun sometimes, but…”

“I do not creep!” Jongin gasps, offended and pushing Baekhyun’s face away. “And I don’t care how big someone’s boobs are. As for your last question… To be honest, I never really thought about it. I mean, I’ve only dated girls back in my old school, but that was because no guys had caught my interest before…”

“ _Before_ ,” Baekhyun emphasizes, raising an eyebrow.

Jongin drops his gaze down onto his lap for a moment before admitting, “I think I might be bi.”

Baekhyun is about to tease him about it before noticing how serious the younger boy is looking. Swallowing a sigh, he reveals, “I think I’m… gay.”

Jongin looks up at this, his face showing no judgement, and that helps Baekhyun keep going.

“I’m not… I haven’t told anyone about it. I guess I don’t want to make my school situation worse? I mean, it’s not like I care about being bullied anymore, I’ll beat them up with my twig arms if I have to! But I just… don’t want to give them more excuses to bother me? Like they have no right to know whether I like guys or not? Am I making sense? Maybe I really am a coward―”

“Baekhyun,” Jongin cuts in, voice soft. “Nobody has the right to know something so personal about you unless you want to tell them yourself. It’s your life and your feelings, and you can choose who to tell something private to.”

Baekhyun bites on his lip, nodding.

“Which is why I’m grateful you revealed it to me. So thanks,” he adds with a smile.

The older smiles back, equally grateful.

“Have you… Have you told your parents about it?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “No, I… It just never came up. It’s not like I’m out dating guys. I don’t want to date guys in general. I only really like one guy―” At this, he clamps his mouth shut, and Jongin’s eyes soften.

“Is it… Is it Chanyeol?”

“Yeah.” A sigh. “The stupid thing was I only realized it after Chanyeol pulled away from me. When we were friends I thought we were just―best buds. Soulmates, but in a ‘no homo’ way. It wasn’t until he started ignoring me that it hit me how much it hurt and how deeply it affected me. Turns out I like my best friend that is no longer my best friend. Ha-ha.”

“Do you still like him?”

“Sorta? I’m trying to move on though. This is getting me nowhere and I’ve agonized over it enough.” Baekhyun stretches, like he’s shaking off his feelings. “Which is why… If I’m not going to have a happy ending, I at least hope you will. Like, one of us has to, right?”

Jongin laughs wryly. “I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t think Sehun is looking for a serious relationship. And he…” He hesitates over this. “I think he likes Chanyeol, to be honest.”

“I would think Chanyeol likes Sehun if he doesn’t only date girls. It’s clear Sehun is important to him though…” Baekhyun barks out a loud laugh over this. “Well, fuck our lives, huh? How did we end up falling for the dudes that don’t like us back? We have such shitty tastes.”

Jongin grins mischievously. “I don’t think Sehun is shitty, but I know you think otherwise.”

The older sniffs, making a face. “I think I hate everyone in school, now that I think about it.”

The other raises an eyebrow. “Oh really.”

“Yes. Except you, of course! Thank god you came into my life. The only tolerable ones before were my Music Club mates, but even they are lame. You’re cool, Jongin.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Yeah. Even if we put your face aside, which, by the way, shook the school enough that even Sehun took notice of you instantly. I bet you’d have more girls all over you if Sehun didn’t already halfway staked his claim on you. And if you’d stop giving off the unapproachable aura that radiates from you whenever someone slides up to you with a smile.”

“Because I think they’re being fake,” Jongin tells him, rolling his eyes. “They’re only interested in me because of my looks, or because Sehun is interested in me, or that I’m the new ‘hot topic of the week’.”

“Which brings me to my second point: Your personality is refreshing. You don’t care about popularity or social status. You’re chill about stuff. Candid. It’s quite rare in this school.”

“I originally disliked moving to Santa Monica,” Jongin discloses. “I feel like the richer you are, the higher up the social ladder you are, the more you just… follow the trend? Caring about frivolous, material things. I disliked that. I still don’t have a very high opinion of our school, but I’m glad you were my first friend.”

“Well, I’ve always been an anomaly, I guess. My family might be well-off but I was that tiny, scrawny kid with the huge glasses who sang in the school choir and wore plain black clothes. It also didn’t help that I had no interest in sports and preferred to play video games instead.”

“Being a sports athlete isn’t all it’s cranked up to be,” Jongin says. “That’s why I didn’t want to join a sports club when I transferred here. Now you found someone to play video games with,” Jongin cracks a grin at him. “We can be anomalies together.”

“Yes!” Baekhyun straightens up suddenly, pumping his fist in the air. “What do they call it―bros over hoes? I guess it’s kinda weird to call Chanyeol and Sehun hoes, but the saying fits! Let’s clear our minds of all that love and high school drama and just enjoy our lives! Fuck what anyone else thinks! Bros over hoes, man!”

Jongin barks out a laugh, bright and free. “Okay. Bros over hoes,” he declares, knocking his fist to Baekhyun’s, a promise.

“Bros over hoes, above all?”

“Above all.”

 

✚

 

It’s almost 9PM. The sky has darkened by now, and Chanyeol spares a glance out the window warily.

“You know, you should sleep over at my house tonight.”

Sehun, in the middle of scrolling through some fashion blog on Chanyeol’s tablet, raises an eyebrow at him. “You do know you’re off on a bus at like 6AM tomorrow morning for a daylong trip to Colorado, right?”

“So? You can keep sleeping while I leave. My sister can give you a ride to school. Heck, you can stay here the whole week. It won’t trouble my parents, you know that―”

“Chanyeol,” Sehun pronounces his name clearly. “Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t just―hole myself up in your house for a week. Without you even there!”

“But―”

“I’ll be fine.” Sehun tries to give a reassuring smile. “Really. A week will go by in a flash.” At the unconvinced look on the older boy’s face, he adds, “I’ll call Jongin if anything’s up. You know I called him last night.”

Chanyeol nods, a bit placated. “I really am glad Jongin transferred here. I told you he’ll be good for you. Someone you can lean on.”

Sehun doesn’t disagree, and Jongin has been nothing but sweet to him, but… the way Chanyeol is phrasing his words almost sounds like…

“So I should… rely on Jongin from now on?”

“Huh?”

“You said Jongin is someone I can lean on, but…” He leans back against the wall on the bed, curling within himself. “Like… I don’t know, it almost sounds like you’re pushing me to him. I’d understand if you’re sick of me by now. I told you, right, you can tell me anytime and I’ll stop, I’ll―”

“God, Sehun, no,” Chanyeol shouts in disbelief. “I didn’t mean that! I just meant… I thought it’d be nice for you to have more friends―like, people who legit care about you not only because of your looks or popularity. Genuine friends. _Good people_. Like Jongin.”

“I know Jongin is a good person.”

“Yes, that’s what I meant. But that doesn’t mean I want to push you off to him or whatever. I still care about you, which is why I’m worried out of my _mind_ for the coming week.”

“I told you, you don’t have to be. I’ll be fine.”

Chanyeol heaves a sigh, like he’s tortured. “I know this is a lost battle because we’ve argued over this countless times before. All I can hope for is that nothing happens, or that you’ll call me if anything does.”

“I don’t want to bother you while you’re on a trip.”

The older frowns. “I’ve said this before, you’ll never be a bother to me, Sehun. Really! Heck, if I know that you’re having a panic attack again like that day after the school festival… I’d book a fly right away and be back to arrive at your house like two hours later. Colorado and California are practically neighbors.”

Sehun laughs, but he knows Chanyeol actually means it by the serious look on his face. That, and the other has never lied to Sehun nor promised something he couldn’t keep before.

“I’ll try not to get a panic attack so you can have fun on your trip,” he singsongs.

Chanyeol squints at him. “I hope this doesn’t mean that even if you have a panic attack, you won’t call me because you’re afraid you’ll ‘bother’ me…”

 _Bingo_. But Chanyeol doesn’t need to know that.

“I’ll be fine,” Sehun repeats, giving him a small but sincere smile.

Chanyeol sighs again, dropping his head sideway onto Sehun’s shoulder. “You’re gonna give me grey hair with all the worrying, kid.”

“Hehe,” Sehun chuckles, warmth spreading over him by the heat of the older’s leaning against his own body. There’s a few comforting silence between them, but Sehun knows that he’ll have to go home soon. “Hey, Chanyeol?”

“Hmn?”

“You know I mean everything I say, right? About how I’m always a bother to you. I know you don’t think of me as one, but―” Sehun adds instantly when he feels the older is about to protest. “But like, just in case. I’m letting you know now. Like, if it ever gets too much for you… Like, if you fall in love with someone, and want to make that person your priority instead… All you have to do is _tell_ me. I’ll let you go, I promise.” _No matter how much I won’t want to_ , he adds internally.

Chanyeol doesn’t reply. At this angle with Chanyeol resting on his shoulder, Sehun can’t quite see what expression the other is making, so he grows nervous.

“Like, as soon as you say the word. As soon as you tell me you want to be free from this promise, I’ll let you go. I won’t keep you chained if you don’t want―”

“So what you’re saying is,” Chanyeol interrupts, voice soft unlike his usual boisterous tone, “that as long as I don’t tell you to let me go, you will never let me go?”

“That’s―” Sehun blinks, not expecting this interpretation.

“Then that’s _good_.”

“Huh?”

“What if I tell you,” Chanyeol begins, words slow and clear like he wants Sehun to comprehend this, “that no matter what happens in the future, no matter who I date or who I love, you’ll always be my first priority? That I would be willing to let go of anyone and everyone I know and love, like my family or lover or whoever, before I would let go of your hand?”

Sehun gulps, lips trembling. It isn’t until Chanyeol links their hands together, arms brushing side by side, that he realizes his hand is trembling, too―that his _entire body_ is trembling, and the older can no doubt feel it since they’re squished together on the bed against the wall.

“So you don’t have to be afraid, Sehun,” Chanyeol continues, finally lifting his head up to look at Sehun in the eyes. “At the end of everything, you’ll always have _me_.”

All Sehun can do is nod, because he’s afraid if he tries to speak he’ll end up choking his words out and the tears he’s trying so hard to hold back will fall out.

Chanyeol sees through him anyway, for he laughs lightly and huffs out, “Come here, you crybaby,” before enveloping the younger into a hug.

“Shut up!” Sehun’s voice cracks as he yells into Chanyeol’s chest. “I’m not a crybaby! You know I only ever cry in front of you. No one else gets to see my tears, ever.”

“I know,” Chanyeol says simply, because he _does_ know.

And Sehun―he knows he is being so selfish, terribly selfish, for keeping Chanyeol chained to him like this, when the older has his own life, when he has someone he loves not Sehun, when his whole life revolves around Sehun when it should’ve been―

Sehun _knows_ he’s being selfish. And greedy. And that after everything that’s happened, he doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve Chanyeol’s care and affection. Karma exists and he’s going to get punished later for this too, for taking advantage of a boy too nice to let go―

But as he buries his face into Chanyeol’s chest, warm and sturdy, like a boat finding its anchor after being stranded, lost at sea for weeks, months, he finds that he―

―cannot let go.

Because truthfully, Sehun doesn’t know if he can keep on living if Chanyeol is not by his side.

Because as long as Sehun has Chanyeol, at the very least, above everything, then he can survive _this_.

He can survive what’s to come. Can survive the next week, and the weeks after, months after, years after. Whenever it is until his mother is in a better place not here.

Yes, Sehun can survive, can keep living, as long as Chanyeol is by his side.

No matter how dirty and used he feels every time it happens.

So he says, words final, “Take me home, Chanyeol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should add the kaibaek tag too bc OBVSLY SG IS A CHANHUN/KAIBAEK STORY LMAO WHAT'S SEKAI AND CHANBAEK CAN U EAT IT?? jk! 😝 i promise next chap will have lots of sekai and chanbaek cuz the field trips officially start! sorry there's been barely any baekhyun lately. he'll have a big section in his pov next chap (it's only gonna be baek's pov on the field trip, not chanyeol's) so there'll be lots of him next time!
> 
> this love square is getting more entangled... i see lots of people disliking chanyeol in this story cuz he's "cockblocking" the ships lol which i guess is true, since both sehun and baekhyun loves him... i wonder who _chanyeol_ loves, tho? anyone wanna take a guess? ;)
> 
> comments and kudos are loved! ♥ thanks for reading this 6k words chap omg it's so long >.<


	8. Good Guys and Bad Guys

 

✚

 

“Now, I know this weather isn’t ideal,” the teacher is saying as Baekhyun puts one palm over his head to shield his eyes away from the sun. “But it’s your first activity of the trip! Aren’t you guys excited?”

“No,” the group drones, including Baekhyun, because―fuck, it’s November, how is Colorado still so _hot_? It’s hotter than California!

It’s Tuesday morning, 8AM sharp. After a bus ride of a grueling almost twelve hours yesterday, everyone barely managed to shove dinner down their throats before crashing onto the beds of their newly checked in hotel rooms.

And now they’re… here. At the base of some mountain. The rays of the sun glaring down at them mercilessly. He can already feel his plain white t-shirt sticking to his back damply. God, he hates this trip.

“Your first activity is a Scavenger Hunt!” his teacher presses on, ignoring the protests. “Or well, a flag hunt, really. We’ve scattered flags all over this mountain and you have to find them using clues. It’ll help you familiarize with the environment and a first-hand experience of the climate and nature here!”

It’s been ten minutes of standing here and Baekhyun is already tired of seeing cactuses.

“Now pair up with someone to do this challenge with!”

Addendum: he _really_ hates this trip.

Baekhyun reluctantly pairs up with Kihyun, who he isn’t very close to but is in the same Music Club with. Kihyun is generally quiet with hidden snark, so he’s overall not a terrible person to be with. They also roomed together for this trip.

“Now, each pair will join with another pair to form four per group working together!”

“Yes! Let’s pair with a girl group, Chanyeol!” a voice resounds. Baekhyun spares a glance to see one of Chanyeol’s basketball mates already making moves towards a group of two girls next to them. “Naeun and Eunji, do you want to―”

“Hold on, Shownu,” the teacher interrupts. “I did say this trip is to strengthen the class’s teamwork, didn’t I? So we’re going to make a compromise by letting you guys choose one person to be with, then pairing you two up with people you might not be as close to so you can get to know them better!”

Everyone gapes at the teacher for the reveal.

“And since you were so eager to pair up with girls, I guess you know most of the girls in our class? Then why don’t you get to know the boys better? People your own gender and all that. For example…” She looks around and, horrifyingly, stops at the direction where Baekyun’s standing. “Why don’t you and Chanyeol pair up with Kihyun and Baekhyun? Basketball Club and Music Club, what an interesting combination!”

“You want us to work with these losers?” Shownu squeaks but shuts up at the firm look from the teacher.

She hands Chanyeol the bag full of instructions and shoves both the boys towards Baekhyun and Kihyun before moving on to match up the other pairs.

The four boys stand awkwardly around each other before Shownu slaps his forehead. “I cannot fucking believe this! Working with― _you_.”

“As if I want to work with you!” Kihyun snaps and Baekhyun mentally gives him a highfive.

“What did you say―”

“Enough! The instructions say the group that manages to collect all the flags the fastest gets treated to all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ for dinner,” Chanyeol cuts in, skimming over the paper in his hand. “I don’t know about you, but I want Korean BBQ and to get out of this heat as soon as possible, and we can sit in the resting area with AC as soon as we grab all the flags.”

Shownu grunts, snatching the map Chanyeol’s about to unwrap. “Give me that! Fine, let’s get this over with. And let me handle the map ‘cause you got us lost that one time driving to that party, man! You’re terrible at directions!”

“Whatever. I’m not that bad at Geography,” Chanyeol retorts but relents the map.

“Your grades ain’t exactly stellar, dude. You get into detention more than me!”

“‘Cause I had stuff to do and had to skip class, shut up!” The two jocks continue to argue while Kihyun gives a suffering glance to Baekhyun. Both Kihyun and Baekhyun are smart themselves with straight As and should be the ones to read the map and solve the riddles of where the flags are, but why should they care if their group wins or not?

“Let’s go. Other groups left already!” Baekhyun calls out in annoyance, walking past them to start climbing up the mountain. He’s pissed and it isn’t even because of the sweltering heat, or the fact he’s stuck in a group with two jocks, or whatever.

Well, those reasons are part of the reason why he’s pissed, but not the main―

Because the main reason is he feels indignant on Chanyeol’s behalf, for Shownu implicating that Chanyeol isn’t smart, that he’s dumb, because―

Because that’s not _true_. Because Baekhyun knows first-hand that despite how airheaded and clumsy the younger boy might seem most of the time, Chanyeol actually has a brilliant mind when he wants to be.

Chanyeol is great at English, great at public speaking and giving speeches and writing short stories in English class. He’s great at Math, scanning over a problem and solving them quickly by using the correct equations.

And most of all, he’s the best in Science, be it Biology or Chemistry, and used to tutor Baekhyun back then, helping him study for cell terminologies and which Chemistry formula to apply in which situation.

At least, that was back in middle school. High school happened and Chanyeol starts to skip classes more and more, his grades start dropping, and―

And Baekhyun is still so _frustrated_ by it all. What a waste of talent and brilliant mind, when Baekhyun is stuck studying for three or four hours every night to keep his straight As.

So yeah, Baekhyun is pissed on Chanyeol’s behalf and he has no right to be.

God, he hates this trip.

 

✚

 

They walk through the first checkpoint and still no flags in sight. Sweat is beading off Baekhyun’s temple, and he wishes he had brought along a cap.

“Chanyeol!” a high-pitched voice resounds before a girl slides up to Chaneyol, a hand touching on the boy’s biceps, almost caressing. “You guys are still here? My group is about to leave.”

“Naeun!” Shownu exclaims, scrambling over. “It’s a shame we couldn’t pair up together!”

Naeun nods while Chanyeol glances at the flag in her hand. “You guys found the first flag already?”

“Of course!” Eunji bounces up to them while two boys stand behind, glaring at Baekhyun’s group, probably because the girls in their group are distracted and talking with them instead of moving on.

“Tell use where the first location is!” Shownu pleads. “We can’t find shit here except cactuses!”

Naeun giggles. “But wouldn’t that be like telling information to the enemy?”

“Please!”

“Well…” Naeun pretends to ponder, a manicured finger to her lips. “Maybe if you guys join us at the hotel pool after dinner tonight. We were talking about it earlier.”

“Oh, I’ll come!” Shownu’s eyes light up.

“What about you, Chanyeol?” Eunji asks.

The boy laughs. “Maybe. If I’m not too tired and dying from this heat later.”

“You can’t fool us, Chanyeol. I’ve heard of rumors of your… stamina prowess before,” she winks before leaning close. “The flag location is behind the Information Sign of those three cactuses clumped together over there. Now you have to come to the pool, okay?” She gives a smirk before daintily walking away, Eunji giggling and giving them a wave before following after her.

“Score! A flag and pool party?” Shownu shouts, pumping a fist in the air.

Chanyeol ignores him and goes to grab the flag behind the sign.

“Dude, what’s with you? Why aren’t you excited?”

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind at the moment… Let’s go.”

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol dragging Shownu up the path before following after them along with Kihyun.

Yes, Baekhyun does notice Chanyeol has been… _off_. Not as boisterous and loud as usual.

He has this expression on his face, like he’s in deep contemplation over something.

Baekhyun wonders what it is before telling himself he doesn’t care.

 

✚

 

Over half an hour later and Baekyun admits it: he’s lost.

Scratch that: _Shownu_ got him―them―lost.

“We’ve seen this very same cactus with the pink and yellow bulbs three times already,” Kihyun points out as Shownu squints at the map in his hands. “Are you sure we’re going the right way, because lemme answer for you: we’re not.”

“Shut up, just let me―”

“Do you even know which way’s east and which is west?” Baekhyun chimes in, unable to hold his silence any longer.

“Of course I know, I―”

When Baekhyun stomps over, he gapes in shock at the map. “Dude, you’ve been looking at this map _upside-down_ the entire time!”

“What―” Kihyun gasps.

Baekhyun snatches the map from him, checking it over. The map only has this huge picture of the supposed mountain they’re on―no words nor labels written at all, just vague colored arrows pointing randomly. The only useful information Baekhyun finds is the compass at the top right, and the reason why he knows Shownu’s been looking at it wrong is because―

“See this compass? There are no labels like N W S E, only four arrows signifying them. But one of the arrows is red while the other three are black, which denotes North. Which means you have to hold the map so that the red arrow is pointing up for North to know which way to read the map correctly.”

“You’ve mean to tell me we’ve been wandering around for almost an hour from an upside-down map?” Kihyun almost screeches.

“Hey, how was I supposed to know that?” Shownu defends himself. “Like why’s the fuck the arrow for North is red anyway―”

“Everyone knows that except if you’re a dumb jock,” Baekhyun grits, tired and sticky and exhausted and generally being done with everything. “If you’re too stupid to read a map you should’ve handed it to me or Kihyun―”

“How dare you call me stupid―” Shownu snarls, reaching out to take the map back as the shorter swivels around to dodge him. This only makes him madder, and he uses one hand to shove at Baekhyun’s shoulder while ripping the map from Baekhyun’s hand with the other.

The shove catches Baekhyun off-guard and he teethers back, stumbling before the back of his knees hit a large rock behind him painfully and crumbling sideways, sprawled onto the ground flat on his butt.

“Shownu, stop it! The last thing we need is a fight now,” Chanyeol calls out, stepping inbetween the two boys.

“But he called me stupid!”

“I mean…” Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Come on, you called him a loser earlier too. Now you guys are even.”

Shownu huffs but seemingly placated.

Chanyeol turns around to look at Baekhyun. “You okay?”

Baekhyun huffs. “I’m fine―” He moves to stand up before falling backward again in a heap with a pained yell. “Fuck―” he gasps, hands instinctively clutching at his ankle because―

It hurts. _Fuck_.

“Did you twist your ankle?” Kihyun asks.

“Shit, I think so, yeah.” He must’ve twisted it during his fall. Just his luck. Dumb stupid Shownu and dumb stupid rock.

Chanyeol gives Shownu a look. “Shownu…”

“What! I didn’t mean to do that! I only wanted the map back―”

“Why do you think you’re qualified to handle the map if you can’t even tell that North is up? The basics of the basics!” Baekhyun retorts, still angry and now in pain, too.

“See! He was asking for it―”

“Shownu!” Chanyeol raises his voice. “He was _not_ asking for it. You know you can get suspended from the team if Coach finds out you pushed a student to the point of twisting his ankle, right?”

Shownu deflates, looking scared for the first time today.

Chanyeol sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t look like you can walk, at least anytime soon…” he says, glancing at Baekhyun before turning to Kihyun. “Kihyun, right? Take that map and go search for the rest of the flags with Shownu now that we know which way to correctly read it.”

“What!” Shownu gasps. “You want me to go with him―”

“Yes, because _someone_ has to help Baekhyun get back down the mountain to inform the teacher and have his ankle checked at, and you don’t seem keen to. If his ankle is so bad he can’t walk, someone will have to carry him and I doubt Kihyun wants to do that…” The boy looks at Kihyun, and Baekhyun silently agrees because, heck, Baekhyun isn’t a tall guy in general but Kihyun is even shorter than him. “So the job falls to me.”

“I don’t want you to carry me either. I just need a moment. I can walk after resting a bit,” Baekhyun says, voice more confident than he feels.

Chanyeol gives him an unimpressed stare, probably knowing Baekhyun is lying through his teeth about the “I can walk” part. “Whatever,” he waves him away. “Just go with him, Kihyun, and help out with the map.” At the hesitation on the other boy’s face, he adds, “Unless you want to carry Baekhyun yourself.”

Kihyun grimaces, shooting Baekhyun an apologetic look. “You really should get that ankle checked out ASAP. I’ll see you on the way back,” he finalizes. Turning to Shownu, he says, “Let’s go, asshole.”

“Shut up, loser―” Shownu and Kihyun continue to banter as they walk away, and Baekhyun winces when he realizes it’s only Chanyeol and him here now, the atmosphere suddenly quiet.

“You should’ve gone with them,” Baekhyun says, just to say something.

“I’m not going to do that,” Chanyeol says, sitting on the same blasted rock that had tripped Baekhyun, damn him.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re hurt.”

“Oh, so _now_ you suddenly acknowledge my existence after two weeks of acting otherwise?” Baekhyun bites out before he can stop himself and immediately regrets revealing too much.

Chanyeol is quiet, glancing at Baekhyun on the ground below him before murmuring, “I thought you would prefer that.”

“What?”

“You always seemed so annoyed whenever I talked to you before, so I thought you’d be happier if I… didn’t.”

Okay, good point, but still.

“So how’s your ankle?”

“Fine.” Baekhyun tries to stand up and flops back down immediately. “…Eventually.”

Chanyeol gives him an unimpressed look before crouching down in front of him with his back to him.

“What.”

“Get on,” Chanyeol prompts. “On my back. Unless you want me to carry you in my arms bridal-style.”

“I don’t want you to carry me at all!” Baekhyun yells, flustered.

The younger glances back at him, exasperated. “Your ankle should be looked at. You need to go down to the rest area where our teacher is and let her know.”

“Not with you carrying me all the way down!” Baekhyun replies. “I’ll be fine. This pain will pass and I’ll make my way down.”

Chanyeol groans. “I almost forgot how stubborn you can be. Damnit, why did the teacher have to take our phones away before coming here?”

“Because they don’t want us to look up the answers online or be distracted texting and not do the actual activities.”

“Yeah, but then I can’t be reached like this in case―” he clamps his mouth shut, and Baekhyun shoots him a look.

Is this why Chanyeol had been looking distracted all day? Was he waiting for someone’s call? Who?

“Anyway, just get on my back already.”

“No.”

The other narrows his eyes. “I’m going to scoop you up in my arms to carry you if you don’t.”

“I’m going to bite you,” Baekhyun bites back, also narrowing his eyes. “I’ll thrash around. You’ll lose balance and drop me. Then I’ll get more hurt. Thanks.”

Chanyeol groans again before flopping down next to him this time. “You’re insufferable.”

“That’s you.”

“No, you.”

“No, you―” Baekhyun almost forgets for a second that they’re not supposed to be―talking, or even acknowledging each other, or―or _whatever_ , because this. This had felt―

―like old times. When Baekhyun and Chanyeol would banter all the time, pushing each other’s shoulders with teasing smiles, arguing over the stupidest things, like if pistachio ice cream is better than seasalt ice cream, or if a golden-furred puppy is better than a chocolate-colored one.

Baekhyun clears his throat, looking away. Chanyeol flops forward, knees crossed and chin inside his palm.

“Fine. Then I’ll stay here with you.”

“That’s a terrible idea.” And it is. The sun is still blasting down on them, Baekhyun can feel the sweat dripping in spades at his back, sticking to his t-shirt. Chanyeol doesn’t look much better either, and really, who would sit in the middle of a mountain in the desert heat if they didn’t have to?

“It is terrible,” Chanyeol agrees and leaves it at that.

Things are quiet. Baekhyun stares at the bazillion of needles sticking out from a cactus nearby until everything blurs together before peeking at the other boy.

The younger had taken out a notebook from his bag and is now scribbling something on it on his lap.

Music notes.

It looks suspiciously like―

“Wait. Are you writing a song? Are you _composing_?” he gasps.

Chanyeol clears his throat. He can’t tell if it’s the heat or something else that is flushing the boy’s cheeks red right now. “Sorta.”

“You write songs?” he repeats. “I know you used to talk to me about how cool you think it was, that you admired artists who compose their own music like Dynamic Duo, but―”

Because he had. Chanyeol used to gush about self-composed artists to Baekhyun, eager to let him listen to his favorite songs, but he didn’t know Chanyeol started doing it himself, too.

“I… I compose when I can.” His tone is hesitant, unsure. “I mean, I love basketball, but I still love music too. I’ve never stopped.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun had assumed he would, because the younger hadn’t shown any inclinations about it at all. Hadn’t joined the music club nor played in any performances, though he knows the other sometimes thrums on his guitar after class with his friends, but Baekhyun had assumed he did that to show off and to woo girls, or something.

“That’s… That’s really cool,” Baekhyun says honestly, because it is.

“Thanks.” More hesitation. Chanyeol drops his head, eyes on the music notes sprawled across the sheets before muttering, “I started composing my first song in our second year of middle school.”

Baekhyun blinks, because… the year when he and Chanyeol were still friends? “Why… why did you never tell me?” he asks, wondering if he should feel hurt.

“I was going to. I wanted to finish my first song before I showed you. Like a surprise. I wanted to play it for you and have you try singing it. But I never… finished the song in the end. Not really. Then I went on the overseas trip in the summer.”

“Oh.” And then Chanyeol had come back and grew “too cool” to associate with Baekhyun anymore. Right. “You never finished the song.”

“Not in the way I’d like to finish it.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, because he isn’t sure what else to say.

Silence befalls them, and Chanyeol’s hand starts moving across the paper again, resuming his work.

Baekhyun sits next to him, his ankle still twisted and throbbing. The sun still glaring down mercilessly at him. He still wishes he had brought a cap like Chanyeol had.

He still wonders what would happen if Chanyeol had not gone on that summer trip, back then.

Was it the trip’s fault? No… Chanyeol had pulled away a month before that, hadn’t he?

Then what was the fault? What was the _cause_?

No matter what, Baekhyun is left with no answers.

So Baekhyun sits, and Chanyeol sits, neither speaking a word.

The sun rays continue to fall upon them, relentless.

 

✚

 

The bright sun hits Sehun’s face as he walks out of his house Monday morning and the first thing he does is closes his eyes.

It’s not even bad. It’s a nice day out today―hot, but not humid, the November wind picking up a little especially since Santa Monica is right by the ocean. So it’s a nice, cool day out today.

Too bad Sehun is feeling anything but.

The driveway is empty when he walks out―his dad already headed to work, his mom doesn’t know how to drive, and there is no Chanyeol outside waiting for him.

To be fair, he can call his other friends and ask one of them to give him a ride to school, but Sehun just… doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t want to fake a smile and act all happy and dandy longer than he has to, like before he even arrives at school.

So he grips tight on his backpack strap and starts walking.

The bus stop is at the entrance of the street his house is on. This means walking past about ten houses at most, which isn’t too bad. He hopes no one recognizes him on the bus if he sits all the way in the back because he’d like to get some shut-eyes for even a ten minutes ride since he didn’t manage to get much sleep last night.

It’s exactly three houses past that Sehun finds his feet pausing.

He’s standing in front of Jongin’s house.

Sehun notices there is only one car in the Kim’s driveway, and of course, Jongin’s trusty motorcycle. He guesses the older boy hasn’t left yet.

He hesitates, because… what? Is he going to knock on Jongin’s door and ask the other boy for a ride to school? Even if he says yes, is Sehun going to ask him to give him a ride every single morning for the whole week?

If Sehun is already burdening Chanyeol, does he want to burden _Jongin_ , too?

The answer is no.

He might’ve taken too long in his contemplation, though, for the door clicks open and Sehun jolts, the footsteps skipping down stairs too fast for Sehun to run away.

Thankfully, it’s Jongin’s sister, not the boy himself.

“Oh, Sehun, hello!” the older girl chirps. Their families were introduced to each other on Sunday Church before, Jongin’s mother too friendly and enthusiastic not to. “Are you heading to school?”

Sehun gives a short bow. “Hi. Yes, I am.”

“You were staring at our house though, no?” the other gives him an amused look. “Were you looking for Jongin?”

“Not… exactly.”

“Jongin’s still eating breakfast inside. You can come join him if you want to.”

“Umn, I don’t…”

“Aww, don’t be shy!” his sister gives him a big smile, and gosh, she’s so friendly and cheery, it’s hard to say no straight to her face. “I was happy to find out he made new friends here! He didn’t say anything, but I know he was really depressed about leaving his old school. Please be friends with him and take care of him for me, okay?”

 _He’s the one taking care of me instead_ , Sehun silently disagrees but keeps mute as his sister drags him by the arm and pushes him inside the door.

“Well, I gotta go to Uni now. See you, Sehun!” With that, she’s skipping down the steps again and entering her car.

So Sehun stands here. Inside Jongin’s house for the first time. The layout doesn’t look too much different from his own―all American houses in a neighborhood tend to have the same design to keep them uniformed―but there are so many more picture frames hanging off the walls and trophies and awards inside glass cabinets.

The house feels lived in, warm. Like Chanyeol’s house.

Not like Sehun’s own.

“Sis? Did you forget the car key again?” Jongin’s voice resounds somewhere past the living room where the kitchen must be and Sehun shifts.

“Umn, no. Hi…” Sehun grimaces.

“You there, sis? I don’t see your car key lying around though―Oh.” Jongin wanders in, a plate of toast in one hand, hair still unkempt and a few strands sticking straight up off his head like spouts. It’s cute.

“Hi.”.

“Sehun…” The other blinks a few times, gaping, before letting out a gasp. “Oh wow, hi. You’re―in my house.”

“I am. Your sister caught me outside and kinda… pushed me in here.”

Jongin makes a face. “Yeah, she can be pushy when she wants to. Umn.” Jongin looks around awkwardly before settling his eyes on his plate of toast. “You want some toast before school? When are you leaving?”

Sehun hasn’t had breakfast, but that’s not important. “I was on my way to the bus…”

“You take the bus?” the other frowns in confusion. “Don’t you always have someone drive you to school? Like Zitao or Chanyeol or―Oh.”

Well, doesn’t this make Sehun look pathetic that even Jongin knows he always mooches rides off of people. “Yeah, haha. I’m just gonna―go now. Sorry to disturb you.”

Sehun makes to turn when Jongin yells out, “Wait!” When Sehun looks back, the other hastily puts his plate down the table before walking forward to stand in front of him. “You want some toast?” he repeats.

“I’m going to be late for the bus.”

Jongin’s eyes are a bit too dark, a bit too _knowing_ when he says, “Eat some toast. I’ll give you a ride to school later.”

And damn him. Damn Jongin for always knowing what Sehun secretly wants without making him speak it outloud. That night on the phone when he had asked if Sehun wanted him to come to the park, and now… this.

The older can probably sense Sehun’s hesitation, for he adds, “Come on. We’re going to the same destination anyway, and I thought you were always wanting more excuses to hitch a ride on my bike.”

At this, Sehun smiles, a lot more genuine. “I do.”

“You do,” Jongin agrees with a light laugh. “Sit on the couch. I’ll make some toast for you. Do you want any jams?”

“Do you have strawberry jams?”

“Of course you’d want strawberry jams,” Jongin mutters, rolling his eyes and walking back to the kitchen before Sehun can ask what he means by “of course”.

So he sits. And looks at the picture frames on the table of the Kim family, of Jongin’s baby pictures, and smiles some more.

 

✚

 

Sehun is quiet on the ride to school, but he seems relaxed. Not as tense as when Jongin had first found him in his house, and for that Jongin is glad.

He’ll take a quiet but relaxed and comfortable Sehun over a bouncy and confident but fake Sehun any day.

When Sehun gets off, he’s still wearing a small smile on his face. It’s so cute and Jongin’s heart is pounding inside his chest.

“Thank you,” the other says.

“Anytime. Tomorrow, actually. And the rest of the week. I can give you a ride to school and a ride back, too.”

Sehun lowers his gaze, thick eyelashes fanning his cheeks prettily. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I know you’re in the same ‘going-home’ club as me, so unless you want to hang out with your… friends and hitch a ride from them, you’re welcome to join me anytime.”

When Sehun looks up, his eyes are serious. “I… I decided not to date so carelessly anymore. After what you told me on the beach that day. I want to try to be… more independent.”

Jongin blinks, because he had noticed Sehun isn’t seen kissing a boy like Kris or whoever lately. He had assumed the younger had just been picky with his choice and was still looking around, but this―

“Really?” he breathes.

“Yeah…”

Jongin grins. “I’m glad then. You should treasure yourself more, Sehun.”

Sehun lets out a dry laugh, and Jongin feels like he’s just said something wrong. “You’re so sweet, Jongin,” is all he says.

Before Jongin can reply, another voice calls out, “Sehun!”

The younger looks behind him to see a boy approaching them. Jongin doesn’t know who it is other than that he’s tall and decently goodlooking. He’s wearing a varsity jacket, which means he must be in a sports team.

“Johnny,” Sehun greets. “Good morning.”

“Sehuuun,” the boy―Johnny―whines, latching onto Sehun’s arm. “Go out with me! You still haven’t gone out with anyone since you broke up with Zitao, right?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?” It’s then he notices Jongin behind Sehun and blinks. “Is this your new boyfriend of the week? You’re the new transfer student, right?”

“Not exactly new…” Jongin mumbles while Sehun giggles. “His name is Jongin. And nah.”

“What do you mean?”

“I _wish_ Jongin is my boyfriend, but he turned me down,” Sehun singsongs, skipping past both of the boys. “So I’m not interested in dating anyone right now. Sorry, Johnny. I’ll still come watch your game next weekend though!”

When Sehun trots ahead, Johnny glares at Jongin in disbelief. “I can’t believe you turned Sehun down! Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position? God, are you _blind_?!”

Jongin winces, because―he can’t believe Sehun just casually revealed Jongin turned him down like that! This is a misunderstanding! Jongin doesn’t want to date Sehun, but not because he _actually_ doesn’t want to date him!

Before Jongin can say anything (again), Johnny huffs, running after Sehun. “Sehun! You’ll at least come to my party tomorrow night, right? My parents are out this week and I managed to get some nice goods on hand. I think you’ll want to try them.”

Johnny’s hand is lingering on Sehun’s shoulder, fingertips brushing across the nape of his neck in an almost caressing way as he leans close, and the way Johnny had suggestively said “nice goods” is blasting warning alarms all over Jongin’s head.

Sehun, however, only gives a smile―one too innocent to be genuine―and nods. “Okay, I’ll come.”

“I’ll come too,” Jongin blurts out before he can stop himself.

Johnny frowns at him. “I didn’t invite you.”

“Aww, Johnny, don’t be mean to the new student!” Sehun pouts at him, catching Johnny’s hand on his neck inside his hand. But instead of pushing the other boy away, Sehun only nuzzles closer. “Let him come too, okay? He’s my friend.”

Johnny grumbles, but is too distracted by the press of Sehun’s cheek inside his palm to disagree.

Sehun gives Jongin a wave and cheery “See you in class, Jongin! Thanks again for the ride!” before walking off with Johnny.

So Sehun says he’ll stop his loose dating habits, but that doesn’t mean he’ll drop his cheery and flirty facade at school, Jongin concludes with disappointment.

 

✚

 

Tuesday at six o’clock in the evening, Jongin braves himself and rings at Sehun’s door to make sure the younger hadn’t left with one of his dubious friends already.

Sehun’s dad is the one to answer. He’s in a casual shirt and slacks with his hair damp like he’s just finished a shower, so different in image than the man in a suit dressed all damper like Jongin had seen at Church before.

“Jongin… right?”

“Yes, sir,” Jongin bows. “I’m here to pick up Sehun. We have somewhere to go.”

The older man grunts, stepping aside as footsteps resound down the stairs before Sehun pops his head out. “Hi, Jongin.”

Sehun is already in full makeup, eyes rimmed with black kohl and pretty lips pink and glossy. His hair is messy off his forehead, also damp like he’s just taken a shower. The boy’s in a black leather jacket with a choker and several chains hanging off his neck and ripped jeans. He looks like a dangerous but hot mess.

“Don’t be home too late,” Sehun’s dad says, a hand over Sehun’s back. “Your mom won’t be pleased to come home and find out you’re not here.”

Sehun lowers his eyes, a hand touching the older man’s arm. “Make up an excuse for me. You said I can stay out late tonight, remember?”

His dad grunts, a jerky nod, and then Sehun’s out the door, closing it behind him. “Giving me a ride there?”

“Frankly, I don’t trust you alone in a party.”

“I won’t be alone. I have many friends there.”

“All the more reason I don’t trust,” Jongin replies, holding back a sigh. _Especially without Chanyeol here, and he did ask me to keep watch over you_ , he adds internally.

Sehun only laughs, but just two hours later, all of Jongin’s worries come true.

The party is as loud and boisterous as Jongin had expected, not unlike the party Sehun had thrown before. There is music blasting through the roof and people dancing and grinding to the neon-colored strobe lights Johnny had installed onto the ceiling.

Jongin sits on a couch, drinking a cup from a bottle he had snapped the cap off himself to make sure it isn’t spiked, and watching. There were many girls who had tried to approach him throughout the course of the party, but Jongin only waves them off with a polite smile.

He’s not here to make friends, or rather, judging from those girls’ appreciative glances at his body, to hook up and have a one-night stand. He’s here to make sure Sehun is okay.

Sehun, who is standing across the room, talking and laughing with a bunch of guys.

True to his words, Sehun is not here to kiss and make out with someone, but that doesn’t stop the other guys from roaming their fingers all over Sehun’s body, from his nape down to underneath his jacket so they can touch at the thin material of Sehun’s inner shirt, to the way they stand too close to Sehun, hips touching and lips brushing against his neck.

There’s a red flush spreading across his cheeks, the cup in his hand sloshing about whenever he laughs, and Jongin can tell from this distance that Sehun is drunk, but hopefully not drugged since he had made sure no one tried to slip anything inside Sehun’s various drinks so far.

One guy is leaning in so close his lips are literally nibbling onto the lobe of Sehun’s ear, and he slots their bodies in a way that his crotch is grazing onto Sehun’s. Sehun blinks, taking a step back only to lose his balance from being too drunk and almost slams his head onto the wall behind him.

Jongin can’t take this anymore.

When the guy is making to move closer, to sandwich Sehun inbetween him and the wall, perhaps, Jongin is there, pushing between them and tugging Sehun out from the small space he’s stuck into.

“Let’s get you some water and more importantly, space and air,” Jongin mutters, giving the stranger a look.

“What the fuck, dude, who are you―”

“Jongin!” Sehun only exclaims happily, both hands excitedly grabbing onto Jongin’s shoulders. “You’re here! No longer being dark and broody? Wanna drink with me?”

Jongin takes a look at Sehun’s plastered expression and the looming guy behind him, and says, “If I agree to drink with you, will you come with me and ditch that guy?”

“Wha―”

“Okay!” Sehun chirps, waving behind him. “Sorry, dude. You’re kinda hot, but not as hot as Jongin. I want to see Jongin drunk!” he squeaks. Jongin resists the urge to roll his eyes as he drags Sehun away, not sparing a glance at the other guy’s offended expression.

Jongin debates on taking Sehun back home, but with how drunk Sehun is right now, he isn’t sure if the younger can hold onto him properly and won’t fall off his motorcycle halfway home. So he needs Sehun to sober up first.

Reluctantly, Jongin drags Sehun up the stairs and finds an empty room to tuck Sehun into. He can hear moans of sex from the other rooms and he cringes, making sure to lock the door once they’re inside so other people won’t stumble in while looking for a place to have sex or something.

This room is at the far end of the hallway and has a bathroom attached. Jongin deposits Sehun onto the bed and dumps the content of his cup into the sink before pouring tap water into the now empty cup.

“Drink,” Jongin nudges the cup to Sehun’s lips when he walks back to the bed. The younger whines but obediently does as told.

“It’s so hot in here!” he complains, tossing around. “Is the AC on? Is Johnny that cheap? Johnny―!” the younger starts to holler, and Jongin does roll his eyes this time as he hastily grabs at Sehun’s leather jacket to take it off him.

“It’s not hot, you’re just drunk as fuck,” Jongin mumbles. The last thing he wants is for other people to hear Sehun’s loud voice and try to barge in to cope a feel at him. “And wearing a leather jacket.”

Jongin chucks the jacket down onto the floor before looking back to notice that Sehun has been wearing a tank top underneath. The younger boy is so thin and bony, shoulders broad but not much meat in him. He takes the choker and various chains off too to reveal his neck only to see―

_Oh._

“Sehun,” Jongin calls, and Sehun blearily looks up at him, lying on the bed.

“Hmn?”

“You said… You said you stopped dating anyone since you broke up with Zitao, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what…” he hesitates, a finger lingering over the skin of the younger's neck that the choker had kept hidden until now. “What is this? What are _these_?”

Because on Sehun’s neck, his collarbones, trailing down to what his tank top is still hiding, are various red marks, deep against the paleness of his skin.

Kiss marks. Love bites. _Hickeys_ , whatever you want to call it.

Sehun had broken up with Zitao for almost three weeks now. Surely marks don’t last that long, right? They look too vivid and fresh instead of fading, anyhow.

Sehun blinks in confusion a few times before his eyes widen, hand slapping over his neck. They stare at each other in silence for a long moment before Sehun barks out a laugh.

“Yeah, someone did that to me. Why, are you jealous? Do you want to be the one to make them, instead?”

“Sehun, what the fuck―”

Another laugh. “Of course not. Of course you’ll never touch me. You told me yourself. Because I’m too dirty―”

“Sehun, I don’t touch you not because you’re dirty―”

“But I _am_ ,” Sehun insists, his words slurring. He’s drunk out of his mind and yet looks hysterical all at once. His eyes are bright, almost glowing against the moonlight dripping from the window. “I’m dirty. No one good would want me. That’s why he doesn’t, and you don’t, either. Only bad people want me―”

“ _Bad people_ want you―?” Who’s ‘he’, and who are these ‘bad people’?

Sehun nods. “You know, bad people. The ones who’re only interested in me for a fuck. My face is nice. My body is nice. They looked at me and they blamed me. ‘You’re so _pretty_ , Sehun. Such a pretty boy. I’ve wanted to touch you since the first time I saw you―’, like, what the fuck did I ever do? Do I just act like a slut unconsciously?”

Jongin is too shocked by Sehun’s sudden word vomit to respond. He wonders if Sehun even knows what he’s saying right now, that he’d reveal so much if he wasn’t so drunk.

“Maybe I do. Maybe I just give off that vibe, you know―the _slut vibe_. So I might as well act like a slut, right? Might as well fuck around because that’s all I’m ever good for, anyway!”

“Sehun, that’s _not true―_ ”

“Yes it is.” Sehun’s eyes are clear, and Jongin suddenly wonders if he’s still drunk anymore. Is he sober? Does he mean the things he say? “I’m dirty. I don’t deserve good people.”

“No―”

“That’s why the one person I want will never be mine. _You_ don’t want me either, and you’re a good guy too. Because of course good guys will never want me―”

“Sehun, I didn’t mean―”

“This was a bad idea to get close to you. Leave me―”

“Sehun―”

“I’m gross. I’m _disgusting_. Get away from me, Jongin. I’ll taint you―”

Sehun doesn’t get to say anything more, for Jongin shuts him up by pressing his lips against Sehun’s own.

The younger’s eyes are wide, small puffs of breaths coming out from those cherry pink lips, and _god_ , how can someone who look like everything Jongin’s ever wanted, hate their own self so much?

“Didn’t I tell you when I first found you in the park that day?” Jongin whispers, his heart aching for this boy in front of him. “I don’t care if you’re dirty. I _don’t_ , Sehun. If you really think I’m a good guy, then believe that I’m not lying. You’re so _beautiful_ to me, you don’t even know.”

Sehun’s eyes are wavering, glassy, staring up at Jongin, lips trembling. His breath hitches when he whispers back, “Kiss me again.”

Jongin's own lips are also trembling when he leans down to kiss Sehun again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so chanbaek on tues noon and sekai on tues night! the plot is moviiiing~~ note: i love monsta x ok i have a bias and otp there i just need someone to be the bad guy, sorry shownu ;;
> 
> what do you think will happen next? sekai's in a locked bedroom kissing... will they do more? what about chanbaek? they're still stranded on the mountain oooh... 👀
> 
> and... i don't usually beg for this, but... kudos and comments pls if you like this chapter even a lil bit!! cuz man, i spent SO MUCH time and energy writing this (it's 7k words!! that's so long wtf!!) and i honestly love this fic so much but everyone keeps telling me to update my other fics and honestly it makes me lowkey sad and i just wanna know if SG is getting the love i want it to have it's like my baby y'know ㅠㅠ idk i just feel like i'm the only one who loves this fic and i'm the author so i don't even count... /cries/
> 
> anyway, sad tears aside /sniffles/ i'm excited for the next chapter and i hope you are too!! 🤗


	9. Static Play Doll

 

✚

 

_Sehun’s eyes are wavering, glassy, staring up at Jongin, lips trembling. His breath hitches when he whispers back, “Kiss me again.”_

_Jongin's own lips are also trembling when he leans down to kiss Sehun again._

 

✚

 

Sehun’s eyes are bright when Jongin pulls back. There’s a window on the overhead of the bed and the moonlight is making Sehun’s face gleam, scattering crystals inside those deep brown orbs.

“You are not gross,” Jongin murmurs. “You are not disgusting. You are not dirty, Sehun. I know you don’t think very highly of yourself, god knows why, and that you don’t believe me when I say you’re not, but at least―” His voice breaks at this, because Jongin just cannot understand how someone as beautiful as Sehun will degrade himself so much, will have this messed up wish to punish himself like this.

Jongin _cannot understand_ , and it’s breaking his heart.

“But at least,” he repeats, trying to make his voice firm and sincere, “do not dictate how I feel. You can think you are dirty, but don’t think that I think that. Because my feelings are my own, and I don’t think that at all. If you believe I am such a good guy, then at least believe that I won’t lie to you.”

“Jongin…”

He holds back a sigh, because Sehun is so drunk he’s not sure how much the other boy will even remember this come tomorrow, so he sits up completely. Pats the younger on the head, vaguely registering how soft the strands are though Sehun had bleached it blond.

“Sleep,” he says. “You’re too drunk to go anywhere right now. Hopefully you won’t have a killer hangover by morning.”

Sehun simply stares at Jongin for a long moment, silent, like he’s searching for something, contemplating something, before he nods, eyes drifting shut.

When Jongin makes to pull his hand away, he’s surprised to find Sehun wrapping slender fingers around his wrist. His eyes are still bright like the stars outside when he speaks, “You really are a good guy, Jongin. Whoever will be your lover someday is a very lucky person.”

Then his fingers loosen, hand sliding down to his chest before Sehun fully closes his eyes, breaths even.

Leaving Jongin still sitting on the bed, watching him, heart pounding in his chest, and he wants to laugh―wants to bark out a loud, obnoxious laugh, because―

Baekhyun had said the same thing before: how whoever dates Jongin in the future will be a lucky person, but―

Isn’t it ironic now, that the person Jongin wants to date, truly likes, is the same person telling him this?

Sehun doesn’t think himself lucky because he believes Jongin doesn’t want to date him, but that is not true at all.

Jongin wants. Wants so much, but not―

Not like _this_.

So he sits and stares out the window, at the twinkling stars so alike Sehun’s eyes, bright and dazzling but so far out of reach.

 

✚

 

How long has it been? Thirty minutes? An hour? Two hours?

Baekhyun can’t tell anymore, time blurring itself together along with his vision as he sits on the dirt, in this damn heat, shirt soaked to the core with sweat.

It must have been long enough that Chanyeol finally shoves his notebook inside his backpack and exclaims, “I can’t take this anymore!”

He spins around, eyes fiery onto Baekhyun’s as he screams, “This heat is horrid! Sweltering! Get on my back so I can carry you down and put both of us out of this misery!”

“No.”

“Your face is flushed red! You look like a tomato!”

“And you look like a baked lobster yourself! Your face is red too!”

“Exactly! We’re going to get heatstrokes if this continues! Get on my back!”

“No.”

Chanyeol glares. “I’ll force you if I have to.”

“I’m going to bite you and punch you in the face,” Baekhyun glares back. “Just because you’re taller than me now doesn’t mean you can push me around.”

“I’m not trying to push you around, I’m trying to help―God, you’re impossible!”

“Shut up!”

“You are! You’re a stubborn prick; once you make up your mind you never change―”

“Shut up!” Baekhyun snaps, because the heat is bad and screaming at each other like this only makes his throat parched and, damn it, now he suddenly remembers he hasn’t drink anything after he left the bus. “If you’re so annoyed then just go! I didn’t force you to stay here with me!”

“I can’t go because you won’t go with me!”

“I told you I’ll get better in a bit and go down myself! I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not fine.”

“I am! Just leave already and meet up with the others.”

“No, I can’t just leave you―”

And maybe it’s because he’s been stranded in the middle of the mountain for hours, and he’s sticky and burning up and is just so tired of it all, that Baekhyun’s lips move before his brain catches up, and he blurts out, “You left me once, so you can just do it again!”

Chanyeol freezes at this and Baekhyun does too, because they’re pricking at that old, ugly wound again when they had been trying to ignore it, brush it aside.

Now it’s here. Laid out in the open again.

Chanyeol deflates, dropping his head. “I told you it was something I had to do.”

“Yes, because what you had to do was leaving me stranded at school once our last year of middle school started, pretending like I never exist and we were never friends,” Baekhyun bites out, because that wound―it’s still _scabbing_. Hasn’t healed.

There is silence for a long time. Baekhyun is thinking Chanyeol won’t reply anything back when he hears a small whisper from the other, “It had hurt to be with you.”

“What?”

When Chanyeol lifts his head, his eyes are clear, determined, like he’s gathering strength to say this. “I said, it had hurt to be with you. That was why I pulled myself away.”

“W―Why? How can it hurt? What did I do?”

Silence.

“What do you mean, it hurt to be with me and that was why you pulled away? God, you sound like―like we went through a bad break up! Like we were dating! What did I do? We were―” _so close_ , he wants to say. _Like we could’ve been dating. Like we might’ve been, later when I realized my feelings for you surpassed that of a best friend’s._

Chanyeol stares at him for a long time before he finally speaks, “You were always so strong, Baekhyun.”

“Huh?”

“So strong. I’m not talking physically. But mentally, emotionally. You were so _strong_. Nothing could bring you down. You were fearless.”

Fearless. Yes, that is what Baekhyun always strived to be.

“But me, I’m not… I care too much about what other people think. I would get so hurt when people called me fat. When bullies demanded my lunch money I’d just give it to them. But you’d always come, barging in, standing between me and those bullies, hiding me behind your back. You’d yell at them. Throw fists. Even though you were so much smaller and scrawnier than them. You were so brave. You were always protecting me, Baekhyun.”

Baekhun gulps, because―why is Chanyeol saying this? This only makes it hurt more.

“You protected me, but… you won’t always be there. One day, you _won’t_ be there. And that scared me because… I realized I can’t stand up on my own. I relied on you too much.”

“So you wanted to be independent.”

“I did.”

“My overprotectiveness of you suffocated you.”

A shift. Reluctance. “Yes.”

“Then why couldn’t you just… make new friends. While _also_ being friends with me? Was I not cool enough? Too much of a loser?”

“No!” Chanyeol gasps. “Never. You know I don’t care about things like that. It was a coincidence I befriended Sehun first, and he introduced me to his circle of friends. I wasn’t actively trying to be popular or anything. It just happened.”

“Okay, but… What about me?”

At this, Chanyeol looks distinctly uncomfortable. “I couldn’t be friends with you anymore because… I didn’t think you would like me very much.”

Baekhyun frowns. “What?”

“We were close. We were best friends, but… we didn’t know everything about each other. And I felt like… we were too different. You wouldn’t _like_ me if you knew everything about me.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Baekhyun asks in disbelief. “How were we different? We were literally best buds, we were _soulmates_ ―” He clamps his mouth shut when he revealed too much, but when he glances at Chanyeol, the younger boy only looks more hurt, for some reason.

“We were not soulmates,” Chanyeol drones, voice rigid. “Not for you. Not for me.”

Baekhyun wants to shout. Wants to scream. Wants to throw a tantrum, because―Why not? Was he deluded all those years of grade school and middle school, of growing up literally next to each other?

They were inseparable. Like they were twins.

Soulmates.

Chanyeol says otherwise, though.

“Baekhyun, I want you to know what happened was not your fault. It was all me.”

Baekhyun looks up at this.

“I know you’re beating yourself up over this, wondering if you did something wrong, but… It was me. I have my own secrets. We were too different. So I pulled myself away.”

Baekhyun wants to ask, _What are those secrets?_ but he figures the other won’t tell him. He wants to ask, _Does Sehun know of your secrets then?_ but the answer is probably ‘yes’.

So he gives up.

Baekhyun _gives up_.

Chanyeol sighs, wiping a hand through the sticky strands of his hair across his forehead. “Now can we please bury the hatchet between us so you will let me carry you down the mountain?”

Baekhyun blinks vacantly. “Why.”

“Because you’re hurt. And you were my best friend once. I still care about you. I won’t leave you here.”

Baekhyun lets out a small, dry laugh.

The younger groans. “Can you at least―think of this as my repayment of debt to you then? For all those times you stood up for me, protected me, got into fights and hurt because of me… Can you let me do something for _you_ once?”

Baekhyun stares at him.

“Let me help you, for once. So that we can be equal, or whatever. I know you hate it when you feel like you owe someone something, but I hate it too. Let me do this one thing for you. Please.”

And maybe it’s how clear the desperateness in Chanyeol’s eyes are, or the sun still blaring down at him, or the fact that Baekhyun just feels so _exhausted_ , physically and mentally, for he finally nods.

Chanyeol immediately crouches in front of him, face opposite, and Baekhyun stares at the view before him, because―

God, Chanyeol’s back is so broad. He used to be this tiny, chubby kid hiding behind Baekhyun before, how has he changed so much?

It _hurts_.

It hurts when Baekhyun tries to sit up enough to throw himself onto Chanyeol’s broad back. It hurts when he hesitantly links arms around the other boy’s neck. It hurts when Chanyeol lifts both of them up and takes ginger steps forward.

It hurts, but Chanyeol is warm.

Baekhyun closes his eyes and, for a moment, doesn’t want to think of anything but the warmth of Chanyeol’s body and the ache of his own heart.

 

✚

 

Sehun wakes up to the sunlight across his face.

He blinks for a moment, disoriented, not recognizing where he’s at. When he looks to his right, though, it starts to come back.

For there is Jongin, sitting on a chair hunched over a desk not far away from the bed. A cheek is squished onto his forearm, and he’s sleeping soundly.

Quietly, Sehun gets up and walks the few steps to stand in front of the boy.

Unconsciously, almost like a trance, Sehun’s hand reaches out towards Jongin’s face―his hair, his cheek, or his lips, maybe―he wants to touch, and he’s so close, and―

Jongin stirs awake the moment Sehun’s fingertips barely graze onto the older’s cheek, and Sehun jerks his hand back with a gasp.

Jongin groans, eyes opening, and he looks as confused as Sehun probably had been upon waking up until his gaze meets Sehun’s, recognition lighting up in those warm chocolate orbs.

“Sehun… How are you feeling?”

“Slight headache and hangover. Could be worse.” When Jongin sits up, there’s a cracking of bones and Sehun cringes. “Could be breaking my back because I slept in a chair the whole night.”

Jongin chuckles, stretching.

“You know you could’ve slept in the bed with me. It’s big enough. I know you wouldn’t do anything,” he adds when the older simply gazes at him.

“I just wanted you to know I’m not like those guys who only wanted to get close to you for a quick fuck.”

“I already knew that.”

“Good.” Jongin smiles, and Sehun feels weird inside.

He clears his throat awkwardly. “Let’s go downstairs. I personally need to drink a liter of water and we can probably raid Johnny’s kitchen to make some food. We didn’t eat anything during the party last night and I’m hungry myself.”

Jongin’s laugh is a clear, pleasant sound. “Agreed.”

They wash up, stealing new toothbrushes from the bathroom’s cabinet before heading downstairs. Sehun nudges Jongin onto the stool by the kitchen island before rummaging through the fridge himself and frying some eggs.

“I didn’t expect you to know how to cook,” Jongin comments, impressed as Sehun drops a sunny side up fried egg onto his plate.

The younger grins. “Do I seem that spoiled to you?”

Jongin hums. “Maybe.”

Sehun laughs. “To be honest, I didn’t care to learn how to cook either, but I had to after―” He freezes suddenly, wincing.

“After…?”

Sehun blinks rapidly, trying to recover. “My mom used to cook in our house. But there was a time when she… couldn’t. So I had to learn how to cook so I can make food for the both of us.”

“I see.” Jongin keeps his gaze onto Sehun’s when he notes, “You love your mom a lot.”

“I do,” Sehun answers honestly. “She’s―I owe her so much. I’d do anything for her.”

Whatever Jongin is about to reply is interrupted by Johnny barging into the kitchen with a loud exclaim, “Oh my god, Sehun you’re cooking? Cook for me too please!”

Sehun laughs, elbowing the other boy jokingly as he plops his chin onto Sehun’s shoulder from behind. “Go make your own food!”

“But this is my food you’re using!” he whines. “Can’t you make me one too?”

Sehun sighs exasperatedly. “Fine, fine.” When Sehun walks away to go fry another egg for Johnny, the latter jumps onto the seat next to Jongin and proceeds to glare at him.

“What.”

“So did you and Sehun fuck last night.”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “No, we didn’t have sex.”

Johnny pouts. “But because you guys didn’t have sex, he can’t have sex with anyone else either.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe he should only have sex with people that truly loves him and not just for his body,” Jongin snaps back.

“Hey, I do like Sehun too! He’s charming and fun to hang out with.”

“But that’s not the main reason why you want to date him.”

Johnny pouts again. “So what, now he’s waiting til he finds someone who like, loves him Romeo and Juliet type, before dating again?”

“I surely hope so.”

Johnny resumes glaring at Jongin. “But you don’t want to date him.”

 _Not like this_ , Jongin wants to say. “No.”

Johnny’s eyes narrow even more. “But you care about him.”

“Will you drop it? If you’re that desperate just go find someone else to fuck!”

“I don’t want someone else, I want Sehun!” Johnny whines, banging his fist onto the counter. “I’ve been waiting all this time til he’s single again, and now that he is, he’s obsessed with you! It’s not fair!”

“God, are you a child?” Jongin groans as the other keeps banging his fist like he’s throwing a tantrum. Jongin concludes that while Johnny is a typical jock that mostly only thinks about sex, the boy isn’t exactly a bad person without a care for Sehun’s feelings, persay.

Johnny isn’t really a bad person, like how Zitao isn’t, or Kris.

They are just too mesmerized by Sehun’s outer appearance to care to dig deep at the person hidden inside.

Jongin vows to be different.

 

✚

 

After they finished eating and spent a few hours playing video games on Johnny’s PS4, Jongin drives Sehun back home.

The ride is silent, but it’s a comfortable type of silence that Sehun likes. That he knows he doesn’t have to force himself to talk trivial things just to keep the conversation going and the other person interested.

Sehun doesn’t have to force himself to be anything, in front of Jongin. And that’s… nice.

“Thanks for the ride home,” Sehun says as they part, Sehun getting off to stand in front of him. “And for last night, in general.”

“Anytime,” Jongin says. He’s on his motorcycle with the engine still rumbling and arm muscles rippling as he shifts gears on the throttle and god, he’s so _handsome_. Sehun can’t believe someone who looks like this has a personality like Jongin's, too.

Then again, Chanyeol does exist, so Sehun supposes not all guys out there are bad.

Just most of them.

“You know you can call me for anything, right? I told you, I’ll always come for you if you ask.”

Sehun smiles, eyes downcast because Chanyeol had said the same thing, but this only makes Sehun feel like he’s being a burden for the two boys.

“Thank you, Jongin. Sorry I made you miss school today.”

Jongin shrugs.

“Gosh, I hope I’m not corrupting you, church boy.”

Jongin makes a face at him. “You wish. I’ll keep watch on you so you won’t skip class the rest of the week.”

“Yes, yes,” Sehun salutes playfully. “Good bye, Jongin! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“With me picking you up to drive to school?”

Sehun startles, then grins. “If you’d like.”

“Would you like?”

“Yes, I’d like that.”

“Okay, good.”

They linger there, smiling at each other for a moment before Jongin drives off. Sehun’s steps are light as he skips to his house entrance, but his good mood quickly dissipates once he steps inside and takes in his surrounding.

“Sehun, are you home?” his mom calls, walking out from the kitchen. “I can’t believe you stayed out last night partying again and skipped school!”

Sehun shrugs, eyes lingering on the coat rack.

His mom sighs, knowing it’s a lost battle with him. “I wish you’d care about your studies more. Just because we’re rich doesn’t mean you should skip school and party all night!”

“I know.”

His mom sighs again. “I hope you do. Oh well, have you eaten yet? I’m cooking and lunch will be ready in twenty minutes.”

Sehun hums, eyes still on a particular navy winter coat on the coat rack. “Is dad home?”

“Ah, yes. He forgot some documents at home, so he’ll be here for a bit. Will you tell him to come downstairs to eat when lunch is ready? Hopefully he doesn’t need to leave by then.”

“Okay.”

Sehun climbs the stairs and beelines into the study room. As expected, the older man has both his laptop opened and an array of documents strewn across the desk as he sits on the chair.

“Sehun. You’re back.”

Sehun nods. “Mom says to come downstairs to eat lunch in twenty minutes.”

“Hmn…” The man puts down the file he’s holding as the younger walks up to stand in front of him. He inspects Sehun quietly for a few moments before reaching a hand towards Sehun’s body until he’s tugging on the leather jacket, sliding it off enough to expose the measly tank top Sehun is wearing and the skin being revealed underneath.

“Doesn’t look like there are any new marks,” the man comments.

“I didn’t fuck anybody last night.”

The man blinks. “That’s a surprise.”

“Wouldn’t that make you happy?”

“I mean, I suppose. It’s nice not to see new marks covering the old ones, but…” His hand slithers up to rest on top of Sehun’s collarbones, then the skin of his neck. “You’re such a pretty _doll_. I wouldn’t blame other men for wanting to have a taste.”

Sehun scoffs. “Right.”

“I don’t mind sharing you, as long as you know who you’re coming home to after your escapades.”

 _Like I have a choice_ , Sehun wants to bite out but restrains himself. Something must’ve shown on his expression, though, for the older man narrows his eyes before curling long fingers around the back of his neck, hauling Sehun close until their faces are inches apart.

“Ah, hurts―” Sehun winces at the abrupt pain.

“How did I tell you to address me when we’re alone?” the man hisses, fingers digging deep into Sehun’s skin, almost to the point of bruising.

Sehun swallows―swallowing down his pride and dignity and everything that makes him _Sehun_ , until he becomes nothing but a static play doll for this man in front of him. “I’m sorry… Daddy.”

The man’s lips curl wickedly as he murmurs, “Good boy,” before crashing their lips together.

Sehun closes his eyes and lets his body surrender. Distantly, he thinks of how this kiss tastes nothing like the sweet kiss Jongin had given him just last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all knew this was coming. if you didn't then well... i'm sorry... 😔
> 
> the tags have been there since day 1: "darker than the summary suggests". this is not a happy fic. sehun's story is downright tragic. the title is the theme of the story. "salvis" means "to save" in latin. "gratia" means "grace".
> 
> that's not to say this story won't have cute moments!! chanbaek moment next chapter should be sweet! 😊 can't say the same for sekai tho... will jongin save sehun in time? #staytuned 🤧
> 
> kudos and comments are loved!! ....or you can throw rocks at me too for doing this to poor sehun... sorryyyy T.T
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kittysehuna) for updates and have a chat on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/sehuna)!


End file.
